[Mike_J]

Just wanting others thoughts on the line between me being overly intrusive into my wife’s life, and her showing me what I feel is a bit of common courtesy.

Things have gotten a lot better with my wife letting me know when she is going to be gone, you know just a quick text letting me know she is going golfing and our daughter is at a friend’s house, instead of what used to happen where I would come home to an empty house with no clue where wife/daughter were, only to have my wife become upset with me for calling/texting her asking where she is.

But she still is very bad about returning home when she has told us she would (us being both our daughter and I). She will say something like “I’m going grocery shopping will be back in a couple of hours” then won’t be home for 8-10 hours later, when I ask her about it she will say she decided to run some other errands. I have NO PROBLEM if she would say I’m going to run some errands and I’m not sure when I will be back. That would allow me to make plans with our daughter instead of the two of us just sitting around the house waiting for her to get home. This weekend really upset me, my wife went Golfing, said she would be back “a bit after noon” didn’t get home until after 5:00 PM my daughter was a bit bummed because my wife had told her she would take her and a friend to the mall when she got home, but by the time she did get home it was too late. If I we had known that my wife wouldn’t be gone so long we would have done something (maybe not the mall but something) instead of just sitting around. How hard is it to send a text to one of us saying “won’t be home until (insert time here)”

So anyone think I’m being out of line being a bit miffed about this?

No, I don't. I just courtesy. You should not have to sit around waiting for your wife to walk in the door so that you can carry on with things. It doesn't sound like she is being very respectful of your or your daughters time. Your time is just as important as hers.

Is she chronically late to other things as well? I read alot of articles on chronic lateness to try to understand my bf better. Although he doesn't share the same problems as your wife. He is just late a lot, but he will still text or call.

I'm really sorry because I think that's pretty rude behavior to put up with. I am sure it makes you feel insignificant. You aren't tho, and you have a right to be upset about this. I'm not sure what solutions are besides talking to her and letting her know just how much it bothers you and your daughter. That your time is just as valuable. Maybe when she doesn't return near when she says, just carry on and do make your own plans, instead of just waiting foe her to show. Maybe she'll get the picture. But that's not a real solution either long term. I hope she will change this. Hope you get some better answers.

[Confusedinomicon]

Maybe you can ask her to text 30 min - 1 hour before she is going to leave where ever she is. It takes a minute to text and then you would know if she is coming home or not. Like, in the situation at the mall if you had not gotten the text that she would be back around 1ish, then you could have just known to leave and do something else. (But not the mall)

Just a suggestion.

[Typo]

I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all. I always text my boyfriend when I am going somewhere, or leaving for my way home. He does the same. It is just courtesy and it leaves both parties from worrying or having to guess at what is going on.

I have anxiety issues and I will jump to the worse conclusion, especially with bf, if there is no communication. Me and bf do it to head off any panic attacks I would have if that communication wasnt there.

Maybe talk to your wife and show her how this affects not only you but your daughter as well.

[shezbut]

Hi Mike J,

I agree with other other posters as well. You aren't out of line to be insulted by your wife's lack of communication. I'd feel the same way that you do.

Has your wife had a brain injury? That's the only possible reason that I can think of which would make these incidents more understandable. I've had a mild TBI, which often causes a complete loss of time, forgetting obligations, and miscalculating time. There are brain injury associations nation and worldwide, to help people work through common incidents like these.
http://www.biausa.org

If no brain injury, or illness caused your wife's behavior, I think that's pretty self-absorbed. You and your daughter's wellness should be some consideration to your wife. You shouldn't be expected just to sit around and wait for her to decide to join you. If your wife can't commit to joining you and your daughter, it's time to sit down and have a talk with her. Tell her how you feel. Ask that she call if she's running later than she expected. Just show some signs that she's thinking about you and your daughter by keeping appointments made with you. Not too much to ask for imo.

[unaluna]

Does anybody else think she's having an affair? Or working a secret 2nd job to pay for a really great surprise gift for the family? Dude, you're an adult, but I think it's kind of harsh that she pulls this carp on your daughter and you allow her to, unless one of you is a step parent to the girl. Then, idk, might be a little different, whose responsibility actually is she? But I see it as far more than a communication issue. Definitely a r/s issue.

[specialeffects]

Gotta go with hankster on this. I may say I'll be back in 30 mins. maybe an hour. Expect that to mean a 2 - 3 hour thing.
.
But 8 - 10 hours??

[Irreplaceable]

Originally Posted by hankster

Does anybody else think she's having an affair? Or working a secret 2nd job to pay for a really great surprise gift for the family? Dude, you're an adult, but I think it's kind of harsh that she pulls this carp on your daughter and you allow her to, unless one of you is a step parent to the girl. Then, idk, might be a little different, whose responsibility actually is she? But I see it as far more than a communication issue. Definitely a r/s issue.

Ding ding ding ding ding...This is what I thought. Doesn't mean she is cheating, but the whole going to the grocery store for 1 min and end up being gone 8 hours? I would wonder about her, is all I'm saying...Or, this just could be what she does...Being a little inconsiderate especially towards the daughter. I know mommies are busy because I'm a mommy, but how hard is it to be somewhere when you say that you're going to be there? And if you can't, call ahead if you know it inconveniences the rest of the house.