destructive family dynamics and where to from here...

This is a long story, so I'm not too sure where to begin or how to explain everything but i'll try. basically my family is rather messed up and have been for quite some time and they refuse t o do anything about it. I am 21, have had depression on and off for the last 6 or 7 years ( at least), anorexia when i was 17/18 ( though i started dieting when i was still in elementary school) and have self-harmed occasionally ( this usually depends on how bad the depression is). I've been seeing a psychologist and look to be on the mend but the issue of my family really needs to be dealt with before i can move on and be happy and productive and all that.

My mother has a mental illness of some sorts, i'm sure it's bipolar disorder, but she has always refused to get any help for it. When i was growing up she was very over-protective, she has not worked since having chn she just sleeps and reads magazines and stuff like that all day. I'm no longer living at home, in fact i now live at the opposite end of the country from them, but when i was there she would get up and shower at 5am and start doing the housework and waking everyone up, constantly ask questions, sometimes she would cry lots but other times she was all giggly,etc. When i was a teenager she used to go around saying stuff like she wished she was dead. This put a really huge strain on my parents relationship and it amazes me they are not divorced. They would fight all the time, have big screaming arguements, my father would criticize her and call her useless and stupid, a couple of times he hit her, but this wasn't a regular occurence, i can only recall a couple of incidents for hte latter. My dad alternates between saying she needs help ( when she's really bad) and basically not wanting to know.

Atm i'm trying to decide where to go with my relationship with my parents. I've come to the conclusion that it is not healthy for me to be in that sort of environment and am quite happy where i am living now. I don't want to break off contact with them completely, but there's only so much i feel i can have with them as it brings back so many unpleasant memories. I'm trying to decide whether i confront them about it or not, obviously i hafta be careful about how i do that. I would like my mother to get help and for my parents to sort themselves out, i just don't feel they would listen to me b/c they haven't in the past.

Thanks

This is a long story, so I'm not too sure where to begin or how to explain everything but i'll try. basically my family is rather messed up and have been for quite some time and they refuse t o do anything about it. I am 21, have had depression on and off for the last 6 or 7 years ( at least), anorexia when i was 17/18 ( though i started dieting when i was still in elementary school) and have self-harmed occasionally ( this usually depends on how bad the depression is). I've been seeing a psychologist and look to be on the mend but the issue of my family really needs to be dealt with before i can move on and be happy and productive and all that.

My mother has a mental illness of some sorts, i'm sure it's bipolar disorder, but she has always refused to get any help for it. When i was growing up she was very over-protective, she has not worked since having chn she just sleeps and reads magazines and stuff like that all day. I'm no longer living at home, in fact i now live at the opposite end of the country from them, but when i was there she would get up and shower at 5am and start doing the housework and waking everyone up, constantly ask questions, sometimes she would cry lots but other times she was all giggly,etc. When i was a teenager she used to go around saying stuff like she wished she was dead. This put a really huge strain on my parents relationship and it amazes me they are not divorced. They would fight all the time, have big screaming arguements, my father would criticize her and call her useless and stupid, a couple of times he hit her, but this wasn't a regular occurence, i can only recall a couple of incidents for hte latter. My dad alternates between saying she needs help ( when she's really bad) and basically not wanting to know.

Atm i'm trying to decide where to go with my relationship with my parents. I've come to the conclusion that it is not healthy for me to be in that sort of environment and am quite happy where i am living now. I don't want to break off contact with them completely, but there's only so much i feel i can have with them as it brings back so many unpleasant memories. I'm trying to decide whether i confront them about it or not, obviously i hafta be careful about how i do that. I would like my mother to get help and for my parents to sort themselves out, i just don't feel they would listen to me b/c they haven't in the past.

Thanks

What I would do personally is break of contact temporarily, and work on myself for awhile. That's what you need, to work on whats there and now.

In order to work on the bigger stuff you have to start out small......don't jump ahead of yourself, especially for something your not even sure of.

Confrontation is essential to healing, in my opinion. What if they have no idea how you feel, or how strongly they effect your life? It's important they know the complete truth....even if it hurts...but that comes later.

I hope you get this all worked out. Good luck with that.