[rainboots87]

I just saw on facebook that yet another one of my friends has gotten engaged. I'm in my mid-20s and these announcements are getting more and more common lately, and even people younger than me (like my cousins who are 3.5-4 yrs younger) are getting engaged or have just been in way longer relationships than I have. It makes me feel so incredibly alone and like no one will ever want to be with me. I had a 10 month relationship (which ended over 2.5 years ago), half of which was long distance and with minimal contact, that was just plain complicated and left me heartbroken. It's not fair that I have to be alone. I don't even have any losers or dirtbags to reject because absolutely NO ONE is interested in me. What is so wrong with me? I hate this so much.

[rainboots87]

i hate myself so much

[rainboots87]

i'd rather die than spend even 5 more years alone. i'm just pathetic and i'll be msierable till the end

[Fixated]

Originally Posted by rainboots87

i'd rather die than spend even 5 more years alone. i'm just pathetic and i'll be msierable till the end

You are not any of those things, but I understand why you would feel that way.

I have never told anyone in real life this, but I am 24 and have never had a boyfriend. Part of it is my weight problems with my ED and part of it is that I do not trust men at all. Seems like all of my friends and family are getting married too.

Getting married or being in a relationship is not the be all end all of life despite what our society tries to say. I bet there are things you have or can do that your friends are jealous of.

[tempest81]

Its incredibly painful when you feel worthless and when you feel that there is no one out there for you. It's incredibly painful to watch your friends get engaged or married and you're sitting in the back seat watching it all unfold and asking yourself 'when is it going to be me'.
I'm in my 30's and single, there are days, well mainly nights when i find the loneliness is overwhelming, too hard to contain but somehow you manage to get through, something pushes you forward onto the next day and the next.
It's frustrating, so frustrating when someone may say that you will find someone, or they may say relationships are more hassle just go out and enjoy single life in the 20s, because you can't see any of that, all you see is that lonely side of you who craves companionship.
It's difficult for something positive to dawn upon you when all you can see is darkness.

A positive of being single is that you don't have to share anything It's all yours...

[IceCreamKid]

I'm sorry to see you are feeling down. I have experienced the sort of sadness you have. What is it you would like in a partner?

[faerie_moon_x]

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, but I can tell you from experience that just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you won't be lonely. I've come to realize loneliness is a state of mind rather than being in the presence of others. You can be sitting right next to someone holding their hand and still feel 100% alone.

Fixated is completely right that being in a relationship is not the end all be all of life. What is far more importnat is to be happy with who you are, where you are going, what successes you have made, and that you feel that you're life has meaning. Being strong within yourself, by yourself, is a great accomplishment.

Another thing to consider is that I think we rush relationships in this life. When I was 20 I got married to someone just because he was interested in me and I felt like I wasn't worth anything. I thought that it was better to just be married to someone who wanted to be with me even though I didn't want to be with him, because I felt that "I will never find someone that I love that will love me back." (A guy I was really in love wtih had just broke up with me right before I met my ex.)

Anyway.... it was aweful to marry someone I didn't love. I married him and dropped out of college because "I was married." Then, we had a son together. So not only was I a horrible, horrible person for marrying someone I didn't love, I then had a child with someone I didn't love! I can tell you Karma is getting me now.

The other thing to consider is there are multiple studies that show Facebook is making people depressed. I totally believe it. You log on and see all these happy announcements and pictures of vacations and new babies and weddings. People tend to think, "Wow, my life is really boring and sucks." Or like in my case, so many times I make a comment on Facebook, and no one comments back or pushes like, and it makes me wonder why everyone is ignoring me. (Which is probably not true, they probably didn't see it.) So not only does Facebook make you think all the people around you have great lives, it also can make you feel alone among your friends...

My advice is to not go on Facebook very much (I only look 1 time a day just for anything interesting, which usually there isn't.) Then instead go out in the world and do fun things for you. Even if you go by yourself. Try to strike up conversations with people (this takes practice,) and just live a life that is fulfilling without focusing on being in a relationship. Take lots of pictures of the fun things you do and post them for your friends to see. Because being in a relationship isn't the only happy news you can share.

[Scotty204]

May I ask where you look to meet people? Also as someone has mentioned above just because you are in a relationship does not guarantee you will not be lonely. I got married at age 25 (I'm 30 now) to a woman who I've grown to hate and I feel lonelier than ever so just be patient you will find someone one day

[LightningMan]

I was in my late twenties before I ever had a girlfriend and in my late thirties before I was ever married. In the end, the happier you are with yourself by yourself the more likely someone will come into your life to enhance your happiness even further.

Marrying someone just to be married or being in a relationship just to be in a relationship is one of the more detrimental things you can do for yourself. So just work on loving yourself and being happy with yourself.

Which is not to say to avoid looking for someone. Just do so from a place of strength rather than desperation.

Sorry that you feel like this, I am married with kids and still feel lonely at times

[rainboots87]

Thanks for the support. I texted my T last night with obvious emotional breakdown and she texted back this morning (she never texts!) saying that she will call when she has some time and that she will try to find the time. I'm actually going out of town with my roommates later today to hike/camp for the weekend, so hopefully I can relax and enjoy that. I see T on Monday, so it's good I'll be occupied until then.

I don't know what people would be jealous of me for- I'm so mediocre.

I want someone who will be there for me through thick and thin. Someone I can count on and who puts me/us first most of the time (instead of seventh as my ex-bf admitted). Someone who isn't afraid to be vulnerable with me. And someone who wants to explore and travel with me. Also, intelligence, humor, honesty, etc are nice qualities too.

I try to be involved in church activities (theres a young adult section of 20s to mid 30s) and volunteer when I can. I run and do races. I try to be friendly and meet new people, but I have a hard time finding someone to click with (even as friends). I'm moving across the country in a few months for a different graduate program, but I'm afraid I'm in for more of the same.

I don't want to settle for just anybody, but at the same time I don't even have any guys to reject. They just aren't interested at all! I'm in the minority being still single now, except for the girls I know who don't date at all (for various reasons). Plus, as my friends and cousins pair up, I get pushed aside.

I know a relationship won't fix my life and make everything peachy-keen, but I'd like someone to be there by my side through the rough times, instead of having to go through it all alone.

[faerie_moon_x]

A graduate program in a new place is a good place to meet people. Try not to focus too much on the "boyfriend" idea and just prepare yourself for your life. I met my husband when I was completely not looking for anyone and just having fun making new friends.

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by rainboots87

Thanks for the support. I texted my T last night with obvious emotional breakdown and she texted back this morning (she never texts!) saying that she will call when she has some time and that she will try to find the time. I'm actually going out of town with my roommates later today to hike/camp for the weekend, so hopefully I can relax and enjoy that. I see T on Monday, so it's good I'll be occupied until then.

I don't know what people would be jealous of me for- I'm so mediocre.

I want someone who will be there for me through thick and thin. Someone I can count on and who puts me/us first most of the time (instead of seventh as my ex-bf admitted). Someone who isn't afraid to be vulnerable with me. And someone who wants to explore and travel with me. Also, intelligence, humor, honesty, etc are nice qualities too.

I try to be involved in church activities (theres a young adult section of 20s to mid 30s) and volunteer when I can. I run and do races. I try to be friendly and meet new people, but I have a hard time finding someone to click with (even as friends). I'm moving across the country in a few months for a different graduate program, but I'm afraid I'm in for more of the same.

I don't want to settle for just anybody, but at the same time I don't even have any guys to reject. They just aren't interested at all! I'm in the minority being still single now, except for the girls I know who don't date at all (for various reasons). Plus, as my friends and cousins pair up, I get pushed aside.

I know a relationship won't fix my life and make everything peachy-keen, but I'd like someone to be there by my side through the rough times, instead of having to go through it all alone.

I hope you find that special person. You sound like a lovely person, yourself.

[rainboots87]

Thanks, I'm much calmer now. Actually, after two weekends in a row of roadtrips with friends, I've realized there is a lot about single life that I enjoy. It would still be nice to share with someone, but while I'm not tied down there's a lot I'd like to do. So, I'm trying to focus on how much I want to travel and explore and see what happens

[RoamingMind]

Facebook just shows the happy stuff. The sad parts are shared on Facebook between private messages between close friends.

You said that you don't have any "Losers or Dirtbags" to reject.
That's an issue in itself, you are already assuming in your mind who a loser or a dirtbag would be. Are your standards realistic? Are you looking for a guy that looks like a model, athlete, Hollywood actor etc? Most of those people aren't "real" in each instance those are their careers, they can spend time keeping up their appearances that the average working guy doesn't have. They can get plastic surgery, expensive dental work etc.

On a related note; a lot of girls (I'm assuming you are, forgive me if I'm wrong)
who have low self esteem assume that if a guy wants them then he must be "desperate" They don't realize that he might really be interested in them for who they are! There are a lot of guys who aren't desperate that have realistic expectations and aren't looking for a relationship with a woman that looks like a model.

Yeah, we look and talk, but those aren't the women we want to deal with.
A lot of times those types of women don't feel "real" they don't feel like they have any emotional depth, intellect, personality, etc.

If you drop your per-conceived notions about who qualifies as a "loser or a dirtbag"
then you just might run into a guy that is genuinely interested in you as a whole.

Think about the guys that look, act, and say the perfect things. Do you really think they are being sincere? Or do you think they are after one thing and one thing only?
A genuine guy won't even bother to put a lot of effort into being perfect, he'll just slowly get you used to seeing who he really is, not instantly make you think he's the best thing ever.

I'm not saying you need to look for a guy who smells bad and doesn't know left from right, I'm just saying to think about what your expectations are.

Just my opinion, I based it on my experiences and what some of my friends tell me.
And trust me they aren't bottom of the barrel guys either, they just happen to have realistic views about women and choose women based on their personal taste, not who the movies say they should chase.