[25phoenix]

I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We don't live together and he says he wants to marry me but we aren't engaged and we have no dreams of having kids. I have been looking for a new job for 2 years to further my career and he just recently started a new job. Since he got this new job he has made me promise to wait until he is ready to move on (could be 1-3 years).
I feel that I am in a position where my industry will see me as stale if I stay too much longer at my current company as there is no room for advancement. I have already turned down three interviews and now I have a fourth one that has come up, which is a dream job for me.
I want to talk to him about accepting the interview (half way across the country) but I don't even feel comfortable approaching it because I'm afraid he is going to be mad at me for even considering it. I really don't want to break my promise but my career means the world to me and where am now is stressful and depressing and he knows it makes me unhappy.
Is it fair that he made me promise to wait for him for an undetermined time period when he knew I was looking to advance? Am I being selfish? How would you recommend approaching him on the subject? Should I just not say anything and turn down the interview?

[Leed]

NO you should not wait an "undetermined" length of time! You've already waited 5 years -- how long does he expect you to wait? Forever?

This is a DREAM job for you!! How often do those come around? Very seldom!! Go ahead and accept the interview -- and if you get it, accept it! You have NO idea when he "will be ready to move on." That could be in 10 years!! That's not fair to you -- you've already passed up 3 interviews that COULD have panned out into something very exciting!

This is YOUR life and the only one you're going to get. GO for it. Don't wait for him to decide -- you've waited long enough.

Best of luck and I hope & pray you get the job! God bless and let us know, okay? Hugs, Lee

[faerie_moon_x]

Because you do not plan on having children, then your career is a big part of your life. You shouldn't be in a job you hate just to wait for someone to "be ready" when that could be three years from now. Oportunities for dream jobs do not come along everyday. If he really loves you he will understand that.

First, congratulations on your dream job interview! I really hope you will go to the interview! These things come once in a lifetime (twice if we are really lucky!

At least you can go for the interview and have a great experience! You can give it your all and have fun and at least try (for yourself!)

Then you can decide (after they offer you the job) if you want to pursue your dream career.

So many twists and turns and changes in life...you never know what is going to happen! Wouldn't it just be awful to think back someday at this opportunity and ask yourself "awww, what if I had just gone....".

(re: bf situation. you are a young, independent, career-minded woman...go for the job interview. It's fantastic and quite exciting! If you are concerned he will be "mad at you" for doing something that makes you happy and is your dream, you should really think about if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. It doesn't sound good)

And btw, he'll still be your bf when you get back. And then you can talk about it. No regrets! Go for it! First, congratulations on your dream job interview! I really hope you will go to the interview! These things come once in a lifetime (twice if we are really lucky!

At least you can go for the interview and have a great experience.

Then you can decide (after they offer you the job) if you want to pursue your dream career.

One of the worst things in the world (to me) is to have regrets. You never know what is going to happen and I would hate to think back someday about certain things and ask myself "awww, what if I had just....". Awwwww

I wish you the very best of luck.

(re: bf situation. you are a young, independent, career-minded woman...go for the job interview. It's fantastic and quite exciting! If you are concerned he will be "mad at you" for doing something that makes you happy and is your dream, you should really think about if you want to spend the rest of your life with this person. It doesn't sound very good)

And btw, he'll still be your bf when you get back. And then you can talk about it. No regrets! Go for it! Wish you the best of luck!

Keep us posted!

[25phoenix]

Thank you everyone for your words of support and encouragement.
I don't like to break promises and I wasn't able to stand up to him so I turned down the interview offer.
Thanks again to those who responded.