it completly stresses me out when he constantly aks me questions about the way i feel all the time.

i just wnt to be able to assure him that even if i'm not okay right now, i still fell the same way about him.
i still love all the things he does for me, even if i can't always see them.

i want him to stop worying that one day i might just up and dissapear from his life.
because all i want is him in my life.

he makes me happy when he is happy, but he makes me mad when he is mad, etc.
i want him to quit questioning everything, and just get through it with me.

i don't know what to do...
i just want to see him smile when i smile.

is that so much to ask?
,...what should i do?

[Leed]

That would make ME very uncomfortable if someone asked me how I was feeliing all the time!! I wouldn't like that at all!

Just tell him that it makes YOU uncomfortable too. Tell him that it makes you feel like he's a counselor or something and he's NOT. Tell him that you don't WANT to be questioned all the time, and that if you have something to tell him, you'll TELL him. But please don't keep asking you questions!!! Tell him that he will HAVE to trust you to wait until you WANT to tell him things. But don't keep pressing you for answers all the time, or you just won't talk.

No one wants to be nagged for answers all the time. And when they are, sometimes we don't KNOW how we feel !! So we give the wrong answers cause we're confused!

Be honest with him, and just tell him to lay off. If he really cares for you, he'll stop it. And he won't be hurt by it either.

Best of luck and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

He sounds very insecure, vickienc16.

I'm sure that it is very challenging for you to accept. Insecurity isn't real fun for anyone to be around!

I would advise you to encourage your bf to be strong. When he does well, give him big hugs, smiles and thumbs up. When your bf is hounding you for compliments and reassurance, be honest. Like..."yes, you did a great job with supper and cleaning up. I greatly appreciate it. I need some space though. Please give me ____ time to get back into the swing of things." And go into another room, out for a walk, whatever, to get back into the right frame of mind.

Personally, I'm a lot like your bf. Very hypersensitive and insecure. Not good, I know. So, it's hard for me to appreciate honest advice given by others on this topic. They may be entirely right, but it hurts me to read it. That's why my advice is different. If my bf were to say, "chill out!" or whatever and expect me to simply suck it up, that wouldn't happen. I would instead take that very personally and become even worse. That's the truth.

[Perna]

Maybe he just has difficulty with differentiating between asking your opinion and "worrying" or maybe sometimes you feel he is worrying when he just wants to make you happy or has nothing going on at all and is just making conversation?

Think about conversation and how "little" there is really to discuss? "Where do you want to eat?" can sound like someone trying too hard to please, someone who's interested in your input, or someone without a clue who just wants direction

Originally Posted by shezbut

He sounds very insecure, vickienc16.

I'm sure that it is very challenging for you to accept. Insecurity isn't real fun for anyone to be around!

I would advise you to encourage your bf to be strong. When he does well, give him big hugs, smiles and thumbs up. When your bf is hounding you for compliments and reassurance, be honest. Like..."yes, you did a great job with supper and cleaning up. I greatly appreciate it. I need some space though. Please give me ____ time to get back into the swing of things." And go into another room, out for a walk, whatever, to get back into the right frame of mind.

Personally, I'm a lot like your bf. Very hypersensitive and insecure. Not good, I know. So, it's hard for me to appreciate honest advice given by others on this topic. They may be entirely right, but it hurts me to read it. That's why my advice is different. If my bf were to say, "chill out!" or whatever and expect me to simply suck it up, that wouldn't happen. I would instead take that very personally and become even worse. That's the truth.

i agree with you 100% thank you i will try to be more understanding

Originally Posted by Perna

Maybe he just has difficulty with differentiating between asking your opinion and "worrying" or maybe sometimes you feel he is worrying when he just wants to make you happy or has nothing going on at all and is just making conversation?

Think about conversation and how "little" there is really to discuss? "Where do you want to eat?" can sound like someone trying too hard to please, someone who's interested in your input, or someone without a clue who just wants direction

yeah... i think you might be right about that last part...

thank you all for the advice, it helped alot... i beleive that things are starting to run back into the right direction.

this relationship, it's confusing, aggrivating, crazy, and stressfull. i can't figure it out. all i know is that i never want to loose it. i want to keep moving forward with it and keep working on it. i feel that it is worth it. and i know that is the most patient and understanding relationship i've accepted. but why? why? why do i worry and stress and fear it? i'm giving this my all, and it's draing. i dont want to loose it. i just want to let everything else go.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by vickienc16

this relationship, it's confusing, aggrivating, crazy, and stressfull. i can't figure it out. all i know is that i never want to loose it. i want to keep moving forward with it and keep working on it. i feel that it is worth it. and i know that is the most patient and understanding relationship i've accepted. but why? why? why do i worry and stress and fear it? i'm giving this my all, and it's draing. i dont want to loose it. i just want to let everything else go.

It sounds to me as though you're getting something reassuring out of your relationship with the bf, but you're giving up other things that are (or at one time were) important to you.

You could sit down and write out positives and negatives of being in the relationship vs. not being in the relationship. Write them all out. Some positives and negatives are more important than others ~ that's to be expected. Below is an example of how the list would be written. My examples are just that....K?

Positive: Being w/ bf / Not being with bf
He makes me feel beautiful / I have a lot more time to see friends and go places
He always listens to me /

Negative: Being w/ bf / Not being w/ bf
I have less time to do what needs to be done / I'd be alone
He makes me feel pressured / I'm afraid of ____

The point of filling out a chart, like above, is that it can help you understand what really matters to you, what is important, and what isn't. From there, it's a lot easier to make an educated decision on what you really want or need to do for yourself.

Hope that this helps you. Take care!

thank you,... it does help

hmmm.. i just noticed the tags on this... who puts those there? and why?

[essexgirl]

yeah i think you need to be honest and open
and tell them how you feel as it is good to be
like this in a relationship as its very healthy. . xxx

[DespondentDaisy]

Hmm, it sounds like he's been seriously hurt in the past and is still dealing with past hurt, I think it might be best to see a couples counselor. I think you'll make a lot of helpful progress.

yeah, this was a long time ago, he's gotten alot better about that. but now there's a new problem. he told me the other night that last thanksgiving when he went to visit ihis ex, which i sould have never agreed to let him do in the first place, not only did he kiss her (which he told me then, and i forgave him) but apparently he did everything with her but have sex. im pissed and there realy is nothing i can do about it. its like he waited till the last min, to tell me. ijn five days im moving in with him and going to college with him in the fall. i can be mad all i want, but i cant change this situation. i have no where else to turn to. im hurt and angry. i still love him, but all i can picture now when i think of making love with him is her. and thats realy effed up. idk what to do.