[Sapphire2012]

Hi

Some of you may have read my previous posts. I can't even seem to know the best way to resolve things. I'm all over the place. My partner has recently came out of hospital and we seem to keep making up and breaking up as though we were teenagers. My anxiety is playing up coz I just don't understand things. He's come out of an 'episode' and was being really nice for a while but now he just seems to be walking around all the time, going to the same shopping mall everyday but not buying anything, I'm worried he's being unfaithful because he has been in the past when he thinks I'm up to something that I'm not. I'm nearly 30 and get really worried that this is going to just keep happening, I don't understand why he's just walking around all the time. I've told him how I feel about things in general but now he thinks I'm just moaning so now I changed my number so he can experience how it feels when he just disappears but I don't even know if it was right.

[Leed]

Sweetie, you've been STRUGGLING with this unstable relationship for a long time now. How much longer are you going to put yourself thru this? I KNOW you say you love him, but do you really think this relationship is going to GO anywhere? Do you think it's going to last and become a long-term type thing, i.e. marriage, children, etc.? And would you WANT it to?

Do you think it would be HEALTHY to bring children into this relationship? Wouldn't it be unfair to them? Your partner, no fault of his, is NOT mentally stable and his particular ailment is very difficult to control. If you had children with him, it could even be frightening to them to see him in an 'episode.'

You might want to re-think things in terms of continuing this relationship. I think YOU know that it's had an adverse effect on YOU and your own mental health. Think about it, ok? God bless & please take care. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

Sapphire2012,

I had to review a few of your posts to remind myself of your romantic relationship. Now, I remember.

Your bf is fighting an illness that brings up more extreme emotions and behavior. Finding the right medication, doctor/s, and pattern in life can take some time. I hate to sound negative, because I do remember how afraid you are of losing your bf, and I really can relate to that fear. But, I honestly think that getting out of this relationship would be best for you and your bf.

Maintaining a healthy relationship takes time, effort, and desire. You can't do it by yourself, and neither can he. Your bf needs to focus on getting himself to a healthy state of mind. You need to focus on maintaining your healthy state of mind, by not holding yourself down anymore.

Being alone is a very scary concept, I understand. But it doesn't take too long to get used to having a little more space. Making some more unchallenged ideas. Deciding what to do and when to do it actually feels good the more that you do it. Things DO become easier....really. Picking up a new hobby or two really help a lot too!!

Very best wishes to you...

[Sapphire2012]

Hey

Thank you for your replies. It all blew up yesterday and when we went to see his pastor he ended up saying comments that really heard. We had issues over the wkend and kept being indecisive about what was happening. Initially it was me that kept asking about the future and where things are going, breaking up when he was horrible then not being stable myself as I'm so anxious about getting older and him not knowing if he even sees a future. He was saying he loved me but doesn't know what's happening. I just then started being difficult myself coz I was just so hurt over feeling like I'm just hanging over the edge just balancing on the side of a cliff. Then we broke up, this time when he said it he didn't want to talk about things. He only wanted to let us stay together if we love eachother but for me I really needed to talk more about other issues. I even said some horrible things the next couple of days, like I wish I never met him. I did apologise and felt guilty. When we actually did meet with the pastor, it was hard to talk coz he kept getting angry. He ended up storming out saying he doesn't need me, forget this etc. Niether of us have contacted eachother since. Even though pastor was saying he doesn't mean those things coz last wk he talking about how much he cares about you. I just think I was ill and I went to the meeting, if he couldn't stay for that, he's not in a place to be in a relationship. I know I should've been patient but I needed answers and what if I waited more months and he decides he doesn't want to be with me. He's thinking I've been doing some things mentally that I didn't even understand and he said that's why he has his reasons for treating me a certain way. Even things like him saying I'm only with him because I see potential in him. Things are think are positive are made negative. Then I'm just so hurt I kept lashing out. I'm nearly 30, I just want some stability in my life. One thing he said has just meant that I've not even wanted to contact him again. Usually by the evening we speak again unless he disappears. I just need to get on with my life, he clearly doesn't want me and doesnt understand that I kept 'moaning' because I wasn't happy and didn't know what the future held for us. He thought I was breaking up coz I was messing him about but I just kept getting confused. What a disaster!