[Sadness2011]

Hi everybody,
As you may or may not know (read previous posts to understand), the last exchange between myself and the ex boyfriend was VERY icy, hurtful, and even more confusing because when we were together a couple of days prior to this, everything appeared okay again and he even apologized for "being a jerk". He said "let's just be friends" but then during that last nasty exchange between us, he didn't want to explain his dismissive behavior and just said that if I couldn't handle that to please not call him anymore. He has contacted me briefly by text to say "happy Easter" and short simple things like that, but I still feel very uncomfortable even trying to have a conversation with him because even though I said ok to the "friends" thing, I feel like my contact is unwelcome. I'm going to be in his area for the weekend and I wouldn't mind catching up, but I'm scared of this awkward unwelcome feeling I have. Should I or shouldn't I? Advise please? Thanks.

[Leed]

There's no reason to feel uncomfortable. He's obviously thinking about you because he keeps contacting you, even tho it's 'short' notes. If he wasn't thinking about you he wouldn't bother. So, sure -- contact him and invite him out for coffee or a drink. You can catch up or talk about what happened, or just get things off your chest -- whatever YOU want to do. It ball is in YOUR court now.

You have a choice to put closure to this now. This is your chance to make YOU feel better about this. Don't waste it -- you're regret it if you do. God bless and I hope it works out. Let us know. Hugs, Lee

[Sadness2011]

Originally Posted by Leed

There's no reason to feel uncomfortable. He's obviously thinking about you because he keeps contacting you, even tho it's 'short' notes. If he wasn't thinking about you he wouldn't bother. So, sure -- contact him and invite him out for coffee or a drink. You can catch up or talk about what happened, or just get things off your chest -- whatever YOU want to do. It ball is in YOUR court now.

You have a choice to put closure to this now. This is your chance to make YOU feel better about this. Don't waste it --

You're right Leed, Maybe I'm over analyzing things again and what I'm really feeling is a fear of rejection. I also don't want to cause myself unneccessary hurt again especially considering the way he spoke to me during that last exchange. I keep telling myself that "friends" don't disrespect each other or treat each other's feelings so inconsiderately and selfishly. But at the same time I also think to myself, what if he was just in one of his weird moods when I tried to talk to him and that's what happened? Am I making excuses for him to keep treating me like trash? Could be, but something deep down keeps nagging me saying that he really WASN'T telling me the whole story. I guess I'll find out while I'm up there if I muster up the courage to ask him to have lunch or a coffee or whatever. We'll just see how I feel once I'm there. Thanks!

[Sadness2011]

Well, anyone else have any wisdom they'd like to share before I head up there tomorrow? Still haven't firmly decided whether or not I will contact him. Thanks!

[lido78]

I think that you should prepare for the worst but expect the best. Given his inconsistent behavior, I would prepare myself for how to handle an icy exchange, but stay open to a more positive response. If he is nasty to you, just remember that this is his behavior and you haven't done anything to provoke it. It may hurt your feelings but it's his problem...his deficiency, not yours. If you feel that getting a bad response will derail you in any way, maybe just table any meeting until you are 100% sure you can handle any mood he throws your way.

[Sadness2011]

Hi again,
Well I swallowed my pride, fear of rejection, whatever and saw him that weekend. We had a nice dinner with good conversation and followed it with a movie at his urging. He was jokingly giving me grief for not having seen The Avengers when he's already seen it 10+ times. It was nice to spend time with him without any hidden expectations. The guy I once knew is still in there but he's very well hidden by admitted arrogance and I think some past hurts. I am however a little disappointed in myself for not bringing up the way he treated me previously and how his lack of concern for my feelings really hurt me. Anyway the evening ended on a good positive note with an embrace and him telling me to take care of me FIRST and enjoy myself. I walked away without that pang of regret and disappointment of not getting more out of him. If I was delusional, I'd think he actually cared about me deep down somewhere. But I've accepted reality and the fact that I want something that I can never have, with him anyway. If he ever wants that too, he knows where I am and how to find me. As it stands now we will only ever be "friends", and I am learning to accept my place, and my CHOICE to go with it or not. Thanks for the good vibes. ((hugs))