[Estee1]

I have a real problem/fear of people leaving me. Is that normal? It's like I get to know someone and I may really like them alot, but then they leave. I hate people leaving. I wish they never had to. Then I turn on the "I don't care" attitude. But really I miss them and I cry thinking about them. But really I never meant anything to them, only I thought the world of them. Confusing way to think. Hope someone understands what I mean. It's kind of like I stop loving people because I don't think that I mean anything to them and that they will leave. I think that's how it is. I just plain hate people leaving. I wish I didn't care, but I do.

[darkeyes]

I think that is a normal thing, but doesn't mean everyone gets that, but is not an abnormal thing. I also feel it is something that can come and go over time,as one moves on with their lives and the many phases/changes we all go through. It is good that you have come to recognize this,once I did, it became something my former T and I worked on. See if you can do th same, it may help. During that time too, if I had to move (geographically) I would come right out and tell former friends, that I am weird about "goodbyes" so if I do not say "goodbye" and see them that last day where or whatever homes we had lived in, to not feel I ran away from them or never cared. In fact it was the caring so much and fearing the following depression to come,that I use to get, was one of the very reasons I would wimp out and just get in the car and go off to our nest home.
Weird, to some,but in therapy I found out I wasn't so weird, but needed to try to lose this. I confess I do not deal with this anymore cause I'm sort of a loner. Being a "loner" may also be part pf that too, almost like "if I do not have friends, I won't hurt or be hurt"?
I don't know if this reply is of any help to you, so if I am rambling, just ignore it, I tend to ramble sometimes.

Take care now,
DE

(((((((( Estee1 ))))))))))))

Hi Estee,
I can totally identify with you. I have a fear of abandonment, and I think it's a rational fear, especially when you open yourself up to someone and get close to them and then they leave. I think it's also normal to build up a defense mechanism (like you said, you turn on the "I don't care attitude") to avoid the pain. It's always hard when we feel so strongly and then feel as if we meant nothing to the people in question.I wish I had an answer as to how to get over these fears, but all I can say is I understand, and you are not alone.

Hugs,
Sujin