[aiv713]

Last night the BF and I were having a great evening. He was cooking and dropped the chicken on the floor and just about lost it. Being me I want to fix everything and sooth him, which makes him mad. So I started picking the chicken up off the floor and cleaning it, and cleaning the floor off so we could continue. I didn't get all the BBQ sauce off the floor before he stepped in it and he was very rude in saying it would have been nice if you'd have told me it was still on the floor. So I say I'm sorry. He's like oh no it's my fault I should have looked at the floor and known better. Just being very rude. So I get everything cleaned up and start on the potato salad and he's like you can't make that you don't know how. blah blah blah... So we finish up in the kitchen so back up stairs to the office and he's like did you call your father today. (back story, My mother's mother died a year ago and left me a car. I don't have one now and am 8 hours away. My mother's family never opened the estate just took the car to my fathers and dropped it off. He lost the title and all papers that were of no good to me anyway. The attorney for my grandmother is going to force her family to open the estate next week so there's really nothing my father can do, but was mailing an app for lost title which I can do nothing with. Speaking to my father causes me a lot of unneeded stress. I was supposed to call him yesterday, but didn't because the stuff he is sending is pointless.) So I tell my BF no I didn't call him I saw no reason too and you know it causes me extra stress I don't need right now. Then he tells me I need to deal with the stress so I can fix it. I feel that when I'm ready I'll address it, but he wants it all done now. He knows my father and mother caused the abuse and what it does to me. The only reason I haven't stopped talking to my father entirely is because my car is at his house right now and I need it. Once I have the car I'll stop talking to him and work on healing that part of me. Right now my main focus is on my Mother. So we kinda made up and things were okay. He went to bed very early as he didn't feel well. Now I haven't spoken to him since about 6:30 last night and I have horrible separation anxiety from him and I feel like even though I think things are okay that they aren't.

sorry for the rant just needed to get it out.

Thanks for listening.

[odoyle]

Originally Posted by aiv713

Last night the BF and I were having a great evening. He was cooking and dropped the chicken on the floor and just about lost it. Being me I want to fix everything and sooth him, which makes him mad. So I started picking the chicken up off the floor and cleaning it, and cleaning the floor off so we could continue. I didn't get all the BBQ sauce off the floor before he stepped in it and he was very rude in saying it would have been nice if you'd have told me it was still on the floor. So I say I'm sorry. He's like oh no it's my fault I should have looked at the floor and known better. Just being very rude. So I get everything cleaned up and start on the potato salad and he's like you can't make that you don't know how. blah blah blah... So we finish up in the kitchen so back up stairs to the office and he's like did you call your father today. (back story, My mother's mother died a year ago and left me a car. I don't have one now and am 8 hours away. My mother's family never opened the estate just took the car to my fathers and dropped it off. He lost the title and all papers that were of no good to me anyway. The attorney for my grandmother is going to force her family to open the estate next week so there's really nothing my father can do, but was mailing an app for lost title which I can do nothing with. Speaking to my father causes me a lot of unneeded stress. I was supposed to call him yesterday, but didn't because the stuff he is sending is pointless.) So I tell my BF no I didn't call him I saw no reason too and you know it causes me extra stress I don't need right now. Then he tells me I need to deal with the stress so I can fix it. I feel that when I'm ready I'll address it, but he wants it all done now. He knows my father and mother caused the abuse and what it does to me. The only reason I haven't stopped talking to my father entirely is because my car is at his house right now and I need it. Once I have the car I'll stop talking to him and work on healing that part of me. Right now my main focus is on my Mother. So we kinda made up and things were okay. He went to bed very early as he didn't feel well. Now I haven't spoken to him since about 6:30 last night and I have horrible separation anxiety from him and I feel like even though I think things are okay that they aren't.

sorry for the rant just needed to get it out.

Thanks for listening.

The boyfriend that you describe doesn't sound much like the guy who was calming and re-assuring about the money issue.

I'm sorry you had a bad night.

[aiv713]

Odoyle,

He really is great, just the money issue is a touchy subject for us.

Thanks

[Leed]

I'm sorry, but he doesn't sound "really great" to me. He's seems to blame you for everything, he wants to run everything and gets in your business. If you don't want to call your father right now, why should you HAVE to just because HE says so! And why is it HIS business?

As far as that incident with the chicken last night, you shouldn't have even stepped in. Let HIM take care of his messes. Then he wouldn't have had any reason to jump on you at all -- he really didn't have any reason in the first place, but if you hadn't stepped in, HE would have had to clean it up.

He sounds like a bully to me. Are you sure you want to live with a guy like that? I wouldn't. You might want to think about this. He knows you'll back down -- or so it seems.

Best of luck & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[aiv713]

Thanks Lee,

I blame myself for most things, that's how I am. I know I sound like I'm defending him and I guess I am to a point. I have pretty much put him in control of just about everything right now as I just can't handle it. Going to work everyday is a struggle. He gets in my business cause it's our business. I've asked him to help me and he is in his own way.

For most of our relationship I've kept all my problems from before bottled up. About 4 or 5 months ago I started having "episodes" for lack of better word. Where I would just completely flip out. I take it all out on him. I've been abusive towards him and I hate it. Some of the worst I don't remember, I blackout a lot of what happens. Most all of the problems are/were caused by my parents. Fortunately he knows that and is working with me to get better. He wants me to stand up for myself and if my father is lying to me about sending something in the mail he wants me to tell him enough is enough. I've never stood up for myself before until recently with my mother. This is all new for me.

He can't call my dad. They have a worse relationship than my dad and myself. He handled of lot with my mother, talking to her even. She actually admitted most of tyhe abuse to him, not me, and reasoned it all out for him. He hates that he even talked to her about it.

As far as living with him. Yes I/we want to spend the rest of our lives together. Things are great once we are healed.