[SakuraLi]

Hey everyone, so I`d been on these forums and independently researching over the past 2 years (when my almost 9 year relationship started going South). I tried to learn about SZ, which my now ex boyfriend has. I`d vented here of course so many times, weighing my options, added up the pros and cons of staying and leaving, seeing if anything works for others that might work for me. I tried to be patient, tried to encourage communication the whole 2 years of having the relationship take a bad turn before I left my boyfriend, nothing worked much or for long. What I didn`t realize (or maybe I was just in denial) was that the relationship went bad for several reasons: the negative symptoms were taking over for my ex, I could not figure out for sure if it was that or he was being a jerk and the fact that it is hard for me to deal with people who become distant and unreliable out of the blue. So I made the choice 2 weeks ago to end the relationship. I did it respectfully over email because my ex didn`t answer cell (never does anymore). The way he only "shows up" when he can is unbearable for me. When he sporatically texts he says everything is ok. So I`m sure he is plus he does a lot for his family and is obsessive about work so he seems fine from what he tells me. It hurts to have him completely ignore me and do everything for other people and act like I can wait or that I`m not as important. He was never like that before 2 years ago. Having done so much for him and helping him through every phase of his illness and being reduced to someone he barely talks to was the breaking point for me. So I`d like to give this message to partners of people with SZ: If you are having a hard time leaving that person look at what your own personal mental state is, physical and emotional health, self esteem & social health, if it deteriorates into something dire like it did for me at a certain point, you must leave! Run don`t walk but at the same time be kind and respectful to that partner. I got my health back and continue to improve. You can`t allow another person`s illness to rule your life, don`t crucify yourself and become a martyr for that person in an attempt to be a good partner like I did. However if you are and can maintain good spirits in the midst of the crap you will be experiencing stay for as long as your health can permit. If that`s what you want. for me personally I couldn`t deal with my ex any longer because I just graduated from college recently and I have loans to pay off so I have to stay healthy, work hard and keep myself afloat financially. I won`t be able to depend on him ever so I had to leave.

[Leed]

Good for you! I think it's great you recognized that he was a drain on you both mentally and physically (and maybe even financially!) and you got out before it got any worse! So many women stay because they "love" the guy and just can't let go.

I applaud you -- you're a great role model for others who are going thru the same thing. I hope others will take your advice and move on like you did! Thanks for the post and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[SakuraLi]

Thanks for the encouragement Lee! I don`t think I`m a role model in this case at all because I wasted nearly 9 years on something I knew was likely to fail. I had to leave so that I can have a real future for myself. I was a fool for believing my ex`s bs about everything will be better in the future mean while nothing got better during the times he`d say that. I mean a little got better or maybe he just got better at bs-ing me. Looking back it seemed like he was less SZ and more Bipolar with heavy duty paranoia, obessions, control freak issues and narcissistic personality disorder than anything else. Could he have been misdiagnosed? Not that it matters now. It would only matter in knowing why he acted the way he did.

[Leed]

Sure, you spent a lot of time in the relationship, but the fact that you got OUT is the important factor. In fact it's even MORE important since you DID spend so much time with him. I'm sure that was hard to do! And we all want to believe what our significant other tells us when he says things will "get better." So it's only normal that you wanted to believe it too!

I still say you're to be applauded for getting out after so much time. It had to be very difficult. It's very possible he could have been misdiagnosed - it wouldn't be the first time.

Best of luck SakuraLi ~ I wish you only the best! Hugs, Lee

[SakuraLi]

Thanks Lee, your kind words are much appreciated! I have to admit though that I really miss him even though I know he was not right for me but I know I can`t look back! Right now I`m staying busy. I`m preparing resumes and cover letters to apply for jobs and internships, working on my freelance business plan more and working on a great project that I`ve been wanting to get to for a long time. Leaving was for my own good so I can grow into a better, productive, focused, successful version of myself, I have to keep telling myself that on days I miss him. Anyway, thanks for listening.