[sweetandsour]

pheeew i don't know how to start sayin what i have to say and why in such situations where it is most important for me to talk and defend myself i just go quiet and lost.. i just know i'm in deep pain for the 6 years wasted for someone who today tells me that he can't provide me with the much attention i'm asking for so as to be able to forget the pain that he gave me by cheating on me while i was pregnant for his child..
now that i fink about it the marriage was always a question of time to be broken coz since the beginning we were not on the same grounds he was much more with his friends and colleagues whenever possible and home would be his last and latest end place.. that is back to me.. sex not to say was like once in a blue moon since most often he would be late and i would be in bad mood but still waiting for his first step but then would fink he stinks alcohol and haven't washed himself before coming to bed so i would just sleep and so it went along.
now after the cheating period i told him to cover me with so much love that i would just ignore the cheat but he said he can't fake it but with that woman all talking and sex thing was easy so why not with me his wife..then perhaps i'm not the one for him..
yesterday he txt me asking why i was still in contact with my ex. all me exs we ended in good terms and are still friends with our limits so they happen to take of my news at times and 2 of them know through what i'm going and they once txt to see if i'm ok. i know we are only friends i swear and i don't want to get involved with anyone else not now not after..
so he saw nice friendly meesage and began doughting and i was bad i told him that i was like him he said its the messages that's putting him in this status and why should i go about explaining about my innocence when he still refuse to give clear explanation about his own acts.. yesterday i sat with that. i asked again and again but he says he has nothing to say but is expecting me to explain my friendship so i should just cut off from the whole world but he will enjoy.
so i got fed up and i said it i want divorce. i'm in great pain finking the effect it will have on my sweet baby but i can't take it anymore.. i can't live a life thats fake..
however today i woke up at 5am cooked food as usual even if i didnt really sleep at night but my child comes first she should have her food ready and i prepared everything as usual thought he wouldnt ride me to work so i asked he woke up at 6.45 and we supposed to get on road at 7.20. i woke up my child and he fed her cereal and i gave her her bath and left her with his mother and came to work. i'm not really in a good state of mind to work all mails coming in seem same on awrkward what to do with them..
what will happen to me the battle has started i know he won't let me leave so easily as this is his habit.. and the battle for my daughter GOD please give me enough courage to go through this now that i know i'm all alone on this path just with the support of PC. is there any lawyer around who cn guide me????
ahhh the cost divorce how will i deal with all that and continue looking after my baby as if everything ok.. i can't even cry at home she would be in bad shape seeing me like this.. but i feel she somewhat knows that mum and dad is not working as should...

[Leed]

First, your daughter will be better off with you HAPPY and divorced, than she will be UNHAPPY and staying in the marriage. Children can feel when their parents are tense, unhappy, and resentful. It makes THEM unhappy. So don't worry about her -- she can still see her father. And even if your husband fights over custody of her, he'd been cheating on you for quite some time, and the judge is going to see that. And judges many times give custody to the mother! You've proven you can work & support yourself so I don't think you have to worry too much.

And why should you have to explain why you were talking to your ex? You were unhappy and he was out "playing" with women, so big deal? YOu needed someone to talk to, and luckily you remained friends with your ex! You didn't do anything wrong! He is just a friend. If your husband can't deal with you talking to a friend, he has a very fragile ego! He didn't care much about YOUR ego, did he! Tell him where to go!

Sweetie, I think you're well RID OF HIM! You will be OK. Yes, it can be scary being on your own. When I got divorced from my first husband, I was really scared, cause I had NEVER been on my own -- but I felt like the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders cause he'd been an abusive jerk. Finally I was FREE and I could start over again. It takes time -- you have to build a credit rating (women don't have one -- did you know that? ) When you're married, it's always in the MAN'S name. So I didn't even have a credit rating. !!! Grrrr. After 26 years, even tho I paid all the bills, and HE had the AAA credit rating -- I had nothing! Anyway -- you'll be fine. Yes, you grieve for the "death" of the marriage, but it doesn't last long.

Just keep posting here hon, about your feelings & fears. We'll listen. In the meantime, either kick him out, or move. Yeah --- make HIM move. And make sure he pays for your child's support - even before the court orders it! God bless sweetie. We'll be here. Hugs, Lee

[sweetandsour]

for me its really un unknown path coz as i said in my community being divorced is when everyone will be looking upon you..as if you got some kind of disease and no one ever dared to go that way. so i don't know how to proceed and i haven't informed my parents yet i know my mother would be brainwashing me again to go back in the marriage.
ya lee you spot right he has a terrible ego thing he has always been tolerated by his mother so he finks he's without faults he rarely says sorry upon his mistakes and its almost always his word of say in things apart financial things of coarse..
i want to run far from all this sometimes i fink is this really happening to me????

[Trippin2.0]

You are doing what is good and right, for you and your child. The fact that you are determined to proceed, knowing you will be frowned upon, makes me ADMIRE you SO much! My sisters are both married to men from staunch Indian communities, I have friends married into staunch Muslim families, so in a sense. I can grasp the path you are facing. You are very brave, and in that, you are also teaching your child important lessons, and giving her a strong positive role model.

[sweetandsour]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

You are doing what is good and right, for you and your child. The fact that you are determined to proceed, knowing you will be frowned upon, makes me ADMIRE you SO much! My sisters are both married to men from staunch Indian communities, I have friends married into staunch Muslim families, so in a sense. I can grasp the path you are facing. You are very brave, and in that, you are also teaching your child important lessons, and giving her a strong positive role model.

i'm indian living in mauritius but the mentality is same and lots of tabboos here.. i wonder how i landed in this mess what i did to deserve such a thing..

[sweetandsour]

Originally Posted by Leed

First, your daughter will be better off with you HAPPY and divorced, than she will be UNHAPPY and staying in the marriage. Children can feel when their parents are tense, unhappy, and resentful. It makes THEM unhappy. So don't worry about her -- she can still see her father. And even if your husband fights over custody of her, he'd been cheating on you for quite some time, and the judge is going to see that. And judges many times give custody to the mother! You've proven you can work & support yourself so I don't think you have to worry too much.

And why should you have to explain why you were talking to your ex? You were unhappy and he was out "playing" with women, so big deal? YOu needed someone to talk to, and luckily you remained friends with your ex! You didn't do anything wrong! He is just a friend. If your husband can't deal with you talking to a friend, he has a very fragile ego! He didn't care much about YOUR ego, did he! Tell him where to go!

Sweetie, I think you're well RID OF HIM! You will be OK. Yes, it can be scary being on your own. When I got divorced from my first husband, I was really scared, cause I had NEVER been on my own -- but I felt like the weight of the world had been taken off my shoulders cause he'd been an abusive jerk. Finally I was FREE and I could start over again. It takes time -- you have to build a credit rating (women don't have one -- did you know that? ) When you're married, it's always in the MAN'S name. So I didn't even have a credit rating. !!! Grrrr. After 26 years, even tho I paid all the bills, and HE had the AAA credit rating -- I had nothing! Anyway -- you'll be fine. Yes, you grieve for the "death" of the marriage, but it doesn't last long.

Just keep posting here hon, about your feelings & fears. We'll listen. In the meantime, either kick him out, or move. Yeah --- make HIM move. And make sure he pays for your child's support - even before the court orders it! God bless sweetie. We'll be here. Hugs, Lee

it won't be that easy to kick him out Lee and there is his mother issue with her u can see how woman buries another woman alive.. she wudn't hear a thg against her brat..
what a quest i am upon.. i just need hugs and support and prayers..

[Trippin2.0]

I am more than willing to send BIG s s s s s s, offer moral support, and keep you in my daily prayers you didn't do anything to deserve this, you were doing what you thought to be right and honourable. Today might be a mess, but we can always work toward a better tomorrow.