[theysayitsbeautiful]

Okay, so I've got so much criticism for not having my mother as the biggest female role model in life. I know a lot of people having their parents as role models, but I guess I'm the only one then?

My mother has been a alcoholic since I was around 13 years old, and it got worse when she married her second husband after my father. He was an alcoholic as well. He was abusing me both when he was sober and when he was drunk, it happened right in front of my mothers eyes, but she didn't do anything about it. She just thought he was joking around with me, even though I told her so many times that he's not joking. They eventually divorced in December 2010 after I had a long and deep conversation with my mother about it. Mom moved back to the town I was raised in, while I was still living with my father 6 hours away from her. I didn't like living with my father. He was very harsh towards me and he hardly let me meet my friends. I have a best friend (we are still best friends) and I was hanging out so much with her because we have a lot in common, and one day he told me that I couldn't see her anymore because she was a bad influence on me. She was the only person I could talk to about my problems and how I'm feeling.

So my father isn't a role model, that's for sure. I can't look up to him after what he did to me. I just can't, and it won't ever happen.

Back to my mother... I moved to my mother last year in April because I've had enough of my father. Mom went to her mother in Finland in June 2011 and was supposed to stay there until middle of July 2011. But she decided to go home because she was almost murdered there. After she came home she started her drinking habits again, and it made me depressed. No matter how many times I've told her to stop, she gave me empty lies and empty promises about stop drinking, but she never stopped. She never listened to me. She hurt me without knowing it.

In August 2011 we were at my sisters wedding, and she was drinking sooo much. My father was there and he saw it. We talked to each other, but not about her drinking problems. I was hurting inside, but I never let it out that day. I was acting like everything about my life was perfect. It wasn't perfect. It was far from perfect.

Mom went to rehab in September 2011 because I threatened her to move to my sister in Finland if she didn't stop and she would be left alone. So she called the rehab and admitted that she needed help to quit drinking. She succeeded. This year, in May, she started drinking again as soon as her current boyfriend went on a cruise with his colleagues. I walked out to her and I asked "Have you started drinking again, Mom?" and she lied me straight to my face. She said "I would never start drinking again, you know that.". I was hurt because she was lying to me, and she wasn't strong enough to stay away from alcohol. So I threatened her with moving again, and then she stopped drinking again. Now she's not drinking anymore, but I'm still very hurt.

I don't see her as a role model. Is that weird?

[Bella01]

no, that's not weird. My mom was not my role model either. There was somethings that I picked up from being raised by her but a role model? No, way.

I chose to work outside of the house and have a career. I also stand up to men which my mother never could even with my dad.

No, it's not weird. My mother has/had a lot of influence on me in both some positive and very painful ways. I learned from her by way of fear of rejection, isolation, judgment and abandonment. So, no. I never considered her a role model.

My father, on the other hand, is a very down to earth, intelligent, funny, kind, decent, loving person. Far from perfect, but I know he did the best he could. I learned from my father by his actions and deeds. He was very consistent and presented himself as a fine role model.

[dailyhealing]

What you say seems perfectly "normal" to me. With the way your mom and dad have treated you I can't imagine you looking up to either of them. It's sad, I don't really look up to my parents either. Your feelings seem very in tune with what is happening. I'm sorry you still have to live with your mom, I'm sure that is hard whether she is drinking or not with all that you have been through with her. Take care and thanks for posting.

[Leed]

Sweetie, it's not weird at all. Both my parents were alcoholics, so I didn't look up to either of them. I never had any role model either. I basically brought myself up, and learned from people that I babysat for. I started babysitting when I was 11 years old.

I know it's hard having to live with your mother - and I know you're hurt. Alcoholics LIE all the time. That's just the way they are. When they're sober, they're more likely to tell the truth, but not always. Your Mom needs help again if she's drinking. I hope she gets it.

God bless, honey. I wish you the very best. Please take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

What role could she model for you? If you are wishing to become an alcoholic mother maybe she could be. I would not worry about it. I would decide what you wanted for your life and find models that model those roles and keep taking care of you the best you can, working on education and figuring out your aptitudes and skills and what you want to be when you are an adult.

[kellyannb95]

honestly my mother is not my role model and in fact i don't love my mum i care for her but don't love her. i know it's wrond but i was taken away from my mother at 3 years ol d.

[teenytiny]

My mother is def not my role model!! She serves as a person that I do not want to be like. Irregardeless of what she has done I still love her. Maybe you could say she is a role model i do not want to be like. I actually broke the cycle!!!!