[doggiedo]

I told the bf that I didn't feel ready to move in with him. We had a big conversation and stuff...noe he keeps bringing up the fact that I don't want to committ and stuff. I'm tired of it.

He complained a lot the other day about not being able to get into the gate to my apt complex. He said if it were me that were visiting him at a gated apt, he would have spend the extra money to get another gate opener ($50). Way to make me feel bad! Mind you all he needs to do is call me from the gate and I can buzz him in.

I also just found out my the laundry machines are going up to $2.50per load- that's insane. It's costing me so much to live here. I complained to him, just to vent and he said " I'm not gonna comment- I don't know what to say"

Like that makes me feel better. I just wanted someone to say that sucks! And not have him make me feel bad AGAIN about not moving in with him. Why won't he just understand I'm not ready and let it go. I shouldnt hear about it all the time.

I'm supposed to go visit him and do game night with him and his kids to it. I don't wanna go. I don't even want to talk to him at this point.

[Perna]

That's too bad you all are sending each other mixed messages; that you do not want to move in with him or give him a key to your place but your apartment is too expensive for you and you want something else (somewhere, just not with him).

Did you offer to let him pay for his gate key? Can you find a coin laundry in town that is cheaper?

If you do not want to move in with him now/yet/ever, there's nothing to feel guilty about; yes, he's going to continue to wish you would and keep trying to coax you, etc., that's a good thing; he wants to be with you! If you are sure what you want, that should be enough for you and you could tease him about his efforts to coax you. When he said he did not know what to say about the laundry machine prices going up you should have said, "Don't know what to say! You should offer to buy me my own washer and dryer!" :-)

You cannot have it both ways; where he "lets it go", something near and dear to his own heart. That would make you feel better but does not get his wishes and needs met and that's what each person is charged with doing for themselves.

Switch to feeling badly for him, that he can't have his desire (yet :-) but not guilty about it. You have your needs and are doing a good job with them it sounds like.

[doggiedo]

He has said if I think he is important, I would have already gotten, a gate pass. I offered I'm keys to the apartment but he declined- he said that that is something u do when u move in together..not before. So why would I think he'd want a gate pass as well? He said if it were him and I was needing a gate pass, he would have bought one for me a while back. So hep apparently wants me to pay.

He is upset bc he says I make a decision like not moving in other and then complain that the apt is too expensive. Or, I get another dog and then complain its too much. He says I do it all the time. Well the fact of the matter is, there are some things I'm going to do that I'll regret or get wishy-washy about or have negative feelings toward later on. It doesn't mean I regret my decision.

You are right tho, at least he cares about moving in with me..I could have the opposite and a guy who is terrified of that.

He asked me on the fly today if I ever want to move in with hi or if I could move in with him torso row (hypothetical, given the place and timeline) and I said yes. I think i said it bc I'm afraid of losing him. Now he thinks I'm all over the place. I can't win. I just want us, me, to be happy. And I'm getting to the point of throwing my hands in the air and giving up and walking away.

If I were you, I'd sit him down and just explain, straight, that you adore him but are just not ready to move in. Its a huge decision and its great that you're not taking it lightly. So many people move in too quick and regret it.. Perhaps you could arrange some romantic dates together, have some fun and get a bit of the magic back instead of the unsure times at the moment for both of you. I think that would make both of you more secure and happy?

I do think tho, that you need to stop venting at him over your probs, dogs, laundry etc, or telling him things like you'd only move in with him because you're afraid of losing him. Thats probably going to hurt as he will just want to hear that you'd want to move in because you're mad for him.. Its probably just better to keep quiet on that one!!
Laundry I agree is easy to sort, find somewhere else, or move appartments, finding a home for one of the dogs if its too much. We're in control of our lives and things like this we can sort if put our mind to it.

Wish you all the best, and I hope you dont give up so quickly. He does sound a wonderful man.

[Suki22]

does his kids live with him or are they older in college or something? I could see not wanting to live with someone with someone else's children involved.

I agree with the others--don't complain to him. in fact, feel free to come here and vent. yes, you *should* be able to vent to him, but it is mixing the message to him when he thinks he sees a simple solution.

if you truly go it alone or continue seeing him you have my support, doggie.