[CherryEcho]

Hey everyone, I’m a bit upset as of a few days and I will explain to you guys what happened, for the most part.

I was with my boyfriend Gordon, I loved him very much and we talked a few times, but after we got together he just abruptly stopped talking to me. I wondered why but I just thought it was because he worked too much. About 2 or 3 days ago I get a message from him saying that we shouldn’t be dating and that he is sorry. I responded to it yet he never responded back. On that same day later on in the day I get a call from my brother bashing me for my past choices ( I had a sexual relationship with a guy in the past. I was confused as to how he knew because I had only told close friends that don’t like my brother and Gordon.) he called me names and said that the guy that I had sex with was using me. I was on the verge of tears but I stood my ground. What surprised me is that my brother knew what I wrote to Gordon on a social networking site. He knew the EXACT words. He said he has his ways of finding out. Now this isn’t the first time my brother does something so sneaky and shady. At that moment I knew that my brother hacked my social networking site and that he went through MY messages. He got on my social networking account and threatened my boyfriend as well. I really wanted to curse him out at that point but here comes the part that makes him nothing to me at this point in time. He starts to blackmail me, saying that if I were to meet Gordon or even talk to him again that he would tell my mom about my sexual history. I’m 16 years old, I live under my mom’s roof, I used her things, I eat her food. My mom is this religious lady that believes in sex after marriage. If she were to find out about my sexual history, she would kick me out of the house, along with beating me for not being “pure till marriage” I’m torn, like I’m sick and tired of my brother trying to “protect” me. Like I told my friends “WHO is he trying to protect me from?!” All he is doing is throwing dirt on my happiness, he is 25 years old, he needs to grow up and stay out of my life. There is nothing he can help me with, and I will be honest if I wanted help, I wouldn’t ask him for it. I had and still have feelings for Gordon and he ripped Gordon away from me just because he didn’t like the flirtatious way me and him were talking on the social networking site. Now every time I have to pick up my nephew to babysit him, I have to see my brothers face. It is like the elephant in the room, everyone sees the tension between us but no one chooses to acknowledge it. I want to keep talking to Gordon, but apparently he doesn’t want to talk to me for obvious reasons. (my brother threatened to take him to jail if he ever met up with me or so much as spoke to me ever again because he is 19 and I am 16) I’m tired of it. My brother took away one of the only few things that made me happy. It got to the point where I just disabled my social networking site account because he hacks it so much, it is ridiculous! I just need some way to confront him, and tell my mom about my past. I just don’t know how to go about it because it is such a delicate topic. Any ideas would be highly appreciated.

[Perna]

I would contact the social networking site and tell them you were hacked, and by whom; do a little "blackmailing" of your own.

You have to decide what you want and be willing to be up front about it; doing things behind your mother's back when you are still her responsibility is not a lot different from your brother hacking into your life. No one who loves you or is responsible for you is going to like your flirting with activities that can be dangerous for you because you do not have the resources to protect yourself. If you can't take care of yourself getting thrown out of your house, you cannot take care of yourself.

I would figure out how to protect your online work so your brother cannot hack it; if you cannot do that for yourself/your computer then it's probably not a good idea to be on the computer in public places where people out to hurt you, rather than concerned for you, can do so. I understand big brothers can be a real pain, I have three of them, but you are still a minor, whether you like it or not and there is still a lot you have in front of you to learn that you cannot know now and that can hurt you because of your developmental ignorance (age).

[Harley47]

Bless your heart Cherry....

As an older brother, I do understand the desire to protect one's little sis, but I don't think this is right of him at all...it's a disgusting violation of your personal privacy. I understand it must be difficult knowledge for him to know you are/where active (not so much that you did anything necessarily wrong, per se...I do think you're a little young, for sure, but it doesn't make you "tainted" or anything...I'll get back to this), as it's to him quite like a parent seeing a child grow, but this isn't his right.

Do you know the age of consent in your state? Whether or not you were "with" Gordon so to speak, it might set his mind ease knowing the threat is baseless, provided you are indeed of age.

As far as your "history" goes, you are a little young, and depending on when your relationship earlier happened, that exacerbates it a little. It does carry a lot of risks, of course, and I think his activities, though misguided, does mean he cares. While I trust that is hollow comfort, it is something to consider. Try to think if it were your daughter and you knew what he knows. I'm not advocating what he did, nor am I trying to suggest to you that sex is some evil wretched act. I'm simply saying it has potential to be risky, and I'm trying to bring his perspective into an understandable light for you.

If you'd like, feel free to shoot me a PM. I'm decent with a computer (former signals officer for my JROTC battalion, well before I was Battalion Commander), and I'm pretty well versed in basic cyber security. I figure the most advanced thing he could have done to get into your account would be keylog software, which is easily scrubbed and safeguarded against. At the simplest, you either A) left your account up B) have "Remember Me" enabled or C) your password is too weak. All easily fixed.

You have every right in the world to be upset at your brother right now, but I do think he cares...I don't think what he did was RIGHT, but I do think he was trying to protect you. He simply overstepped his boundaries, I believe.

Regards,
Harley

[BDPpartner]

Cherry your bother over step the line of brotherly concern, and now he's trying to control you and others with threats and blackmail. You need someone older to talk to and to perhaps interven for his sake as well as yours, because if this behaviour continues it could get out of hand. Is there a family member, not necessarily your mum but an aunt, uncle, grandparent or family friend you can turn to. If not try a school counseller or even a friends parent, that way you can be provided with some moral support when it comes to talking to your mum. As for talking to your mum honesty is the best policy, talking to her openly about your feelings and concerns may help her to see you as the young adult your becoming, it will also show her that you are grown up enough to at least have a conversation about past actions. It takes a lot to be grown up enough to sit a parent down and be open about sexual intercourse, i myself was alot older than you b4 i had the courage. Good luck, i'm sure you'll be suprise, after all this is your mum and i'm sure she loves you very much. We are here if you need more advise etc big hugs

[CherryEcho]

Thank you all , me and my brother have talked and he says he did it becase i am never upfront with him and because he cares for me. i am extreamly mad still but i forgive him for his overbearing self. I plan on talking to my mother when the topic arises in conversation i try to bring it up in conversation but she seems to not pick it up so i guess in time she will pick up the conversation and talk to me and i'll tell her about my past. and Thank you Harley47, but i have already found out for the most part how he got my password everytime. he went through my e-mail, which i haven't changed my password since i first got it. but if he does it again i''ll be sure to ask you and talk to you about what i can do to protect myself better. Thanks a whole bunch everyone!

[Harley47]

You're very welcome Cherry. I hope things continue to go well for you.

I would advise for in the future to change your password regularly, or at the very least create a strong one that you are VERY confident in. Password generators are splendid for this. lol And never use your birthdate as your numbers. WAAAY too easy to guess.