[BDPpartner]

I've been having a wk at my parents, away from my bpd partner. Things weren't going to bad he was sending very loving messages and phone calls were nice. But there's that word 'were', he's been going mad trying to get the decorating done as well as the garden sorted b4 his brother and his wife come to stay at the end of july. He's been up at night wall papering til maybe 3am. Then up gardening early in the am. But he was still fine. When i came away for the wk i'd got a few jobs to do, but i also had a close friend just get out of surgery the day i drove back; she lives alone so has needed some company and help. And to be honest i don't get to see much of her or anyone else as i'm 2hrs away. So last night i got a text from my partner going off about the fact i hadn't done my jobs. What a lazy, selfish person i am. He's been up all night and working all day sorting the house out and quote ' you've been laying around watching tv and eating junk '. It got so nasty that he told me not to contact him in anyway. After a few hrs he text me but then the flood of texts about me using him, not paying my way, being selfish lazy, that i don't pull my weight, he doesn't eat regularly, i eat junk, etc started again. At 4am i finally had to tell him i couldn't stay awake a moment longer and was off to sleep. Today i woke up and as well as having some shopping to grab i had my 1yr old niece's birthday party. So i text morning and was ignored so just left it. I text that i was off to the party then the shops and he probably wouldn't get hold of me. No reply so off i went, with mum telling how fed up i looked Of course he waited til i was at the party to contact me, at first it was about bugs on the fruit tree could i get something for it. But it quickly turn not so nice, thankfully my signal was bad and i didn't get most of them til i got in the car. I had had enough so asked him while he was still with me etc his reply i don't know why i am you make my life hell, you control my life and you use me like a slave, you just use me to pay the bills. And all i could reply back is you destroy me. His reply was dito we didn't text for a while and when we did it was about shopping and tonight i sent a text saying night and i got what seem a sarcastic text 'your going to sleep now, i'm painting' so i replied asking if he thought i should stay up. He did reply saying he was shocked i was going to bed at 10pm. I'm supposed to go back tomorrow, i not looking forward to that

[Leed]

Wow - You two have a lot of resentments against each other. Something isn't right. He feels used, you feel used, etc. Neither of you is on the same page.

Don't you think it's time to sit down and talk these things out? Or do you think it would be better with a third party like a counselor? Somehow, this has got to be straightened out, cause it's not going to be fixed if you two keep carrying on like this -- and you KNOW you will.

How about seeing a couples counselor and putting this all out on the table? Air out all your problems for the counselor to see, so he can make sense of it, and help you to put things back together? You've got to do something, or else you'll end up breaking up -- that's the ONLY way this is going to end up if you don't get some help.

Please call a counselor, ok? I wish you the very best. God bless and take care. I sure hope you two make it. Hugs, Lee

[BDPpartner]

thanks lee, i have spoken to him about us getting into couples counselling. But he said he is already dealing with counselling on his own and he's not sure he could cope with 2 lots of issues raising there heads at once. I do admit that what he is about to start working on in counselling is horrific and huge, and the main cause of a lot of his problems. I've also proposed that i go into counselling alone, but he has told me to think hard on it as it's alot to deal with on top of other problems i have. But i think i'm gonna go for it, at least i can address my issues.