[doggiedo]

Was watching a wedding story today on Tv and they had a woman who was getting married and didn't take her husbands last name. Just wondering if people think that's odd or not.

If I ever get married again I don't think I will, or else I'll hyphenate my last name. I don't want to lose that part of me and my history of my family. No one else will pass down the family name in my case.

Just wondering bc I think most don't agree with the idea. Thoughts?

[Eliza Jane]

My sense is that this can vary a lot based on the professional field of the woman. My friends in business changed their names without giving it a second thought. My friends who are physicians and professors agonized about it and most decided to stick with their maiden names.

I myself never planned on changing my name. I strongly identify as a feminist and changing my name felt too traditional gender role-y for me. But, then I got engaged and started to seriously plan to have a child. My desire to have the same name as my kid ended up out-weighing my desire to keep my name.

Hyphenating can be a good option, but both of our last names are very long and hard to pronounce, so doing that would be a disaster.

EJ

[Leed]

Oh gosh, MOST women now adays are either keepiing their last name or are hyphenating it with their husbands name. It's VERY common now. I would have hyphenated mine with my late husbands name, but if you knew my maiden name, you'd know why i didn't! LOL It would have sounded really nutty! LOL (I went back to my maiden name after I got divorced from my 1st husband). Not only would it have sounded nutty, but it would have been a mile long! LOL

[beauflow]

lol I have contemplated this, I am not legally married, and some times I am like when we do get married , I will go with his last name, then other times I am like- no i will hyphenate it- but then it would sound like a character if I did that which my S/O teases me about.... Then I think No, I will keep my name!-- My problem is that sometimes I don't even want to be attached to my maiden name due to I don't want to be attached to my family, however I don't want to bow down and just take his last name as traditionally it has been- and I should keep my maiden name due to it is mine and i am me!

LOL

We (my so and I) briefly talked to his parents on this, they were shocked to hear that a Man took his wife's last name- his dad made some comment of that man being odd and not right with a strange look- his mom was all like, i don't get why woman keep their last names or hyphenate--- I get his mom a little due to tradition and old fashion.. his dad though- I don't get that, it is expected for a woman to changer her name, but once a man does it- whoa now, stop the presses, trains and world!! that is not right... w/e

I think I may keep or hyphenate if we ever do get married legally-- I think I would feel better if i did so-- and it is just for my own personal reasons.

I work in corporate world- I have some fellow lady coworkers that hyphenate and others that have changed their last name 3 times due to they take their husband's name... and I think one, i think she will be keeping her last name with no hyphenating
think it comes down to personal preferences

Originally Posted by beauflow

I don't get that, it is expected for a woman to changer her name, but once a man does it- whoa now, stop the presses, trains and world!! that is not right... w/e

A woman changing her name is only keeping with tradition, whereas a man changing to his wife's name is breaking with it, so that's why it creates waves when a man changes to his wife's name, and why it's much harder for a man to change to his wife's name than vice versa.

I honestly don't think it matters if you choose to keep your name nowadays. It's completely up to the individual. I hear of women, including Olympic swimmer Libby Lenton who look forward to changing names because it affirms their love for their partner.

I even read one case of a tragic couple (I think they both died or the husband died) where the woman changed her name even before the marriage because she was so looking forward to it.

I think the solution in the end will be each partner contributes one name to the surname. This system works even when both partners have hyphenated surnames.

So if Illegal Toilet marries Doggie do, I might contribute Toilet and DD might contribute Doggie.

Toilet Doggie.

[Perna]

I did not get married until I was 39 and thought about not changing my name because we were not planning to have any children and I had credit, etc. in my own name. But, I tried discussing it with my stepmother and she got angry/was offended and I added up the pros and cons, how much longer I expected she would live versus how much I cared about whether I changed my name and so I did change it. It affected me oddly and had some funny consequences, I went to a job interview several months after I married and was shaking the interviewer's/boss' hand and said, "Hi, I'm Perna MaidenName", only I then instantly corrected myself with, "No I'm not!" We both laughed. The hardest part for me was going to Social Security and changing all that and driver's license, etc.; it was like losing my wallet

I did do something differently than it is usually done though; I made my maiden name my middle name (instead of continuing to use my middle name as my middle name). Perhaps because I was so old (and set in my ways :-) it felt odd to have a new name at that period of my life. It took awhile to learn to sign it and I sometimes still get confused.

I never considered hyphenating names. My maiden name is so danged long in the first place that honestly go to my husband's shorter name was a relief. Now, if I was ever to divorce (which is not in the plan), I'd go back to my maiden name in a heartbeat. My married name is about my relationship in marriage to me and I had no problem changing it to his name; seems like the right thing to me --I'm pretty traditional that way.

[beauflow]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names

wow-- seems like it is only certain traditions (I did not know that) I am so American that I have to laugh at myself, I did not know that in some countries that it is tradition for the woman to keep her last name... some of them legally they have to...

[Fresia]

I'm glad there are options in whether to change their name or not. With academics and some professions as mentioned above, it can be rather difficult with certifications and licenses to get name changes; I have seriously considered that I will be keeping my last name at this point even if it does become a point of contention by not changing it. However the other side is that, even if the professional aspects weren't an issue, I love my familial name and history, and probably would have kept it as a middle name or hyphenated it anyway out of respect for both families and might still. There is a lot to consider.

Thankfully, no matter what we choose, we do have that choice!

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Illegal Toilet

A woman changing her name is only keeping with tradition, whereas a man changing to his wife's name is breaking with it, so that's why it creates waves when a man changes to his wife's name, and why it's much harder for a man to change to his wife's name than vice versa.

I actually know someone whose father took her mother's name because the mother's family was renown and he wanted to become part of that

[SoupDragon]

I got maried and didn't change my hame. My whole name felt like my identity and I have strong views on this.

I was willing to compromise and I suggested we choose a name that neither of us had (if it is good enough for me it should have been for him) and he declined, so that really made my mind up for me that I would not change my name.

My mother hated the fact that I hadn't changed my name and we had a strained relationship in terms of how she would address letters to my husband and I.

My (ex) husband has a name that could be used for either gender and I told my mother that if I changed my surname to be his, I would also change my first name (besides formal letters addressed to a wife are: Mrs {husbands first name}, {husbands surname}. My mother told me I was being ridiculous - really? How is that different?

BTW - I am divorced now - I should have picked up about his inabilty to compromise when we had the name issue when we got married Of course his view will be why on earth did he marry such an opinionated woman!

Sorry for the ramble - this is obviously one of my soap box topics.

[RomanSunburn]

I just got married a month ago today! And I decided to keep my name and take my husband's name, but no hyphen. For example... John Smith marries Jane Doe. She becomes Jane Doe Smith. I also kept my middle name. I didn't want people to always feel like they had to say both names, but I didn't want to give up my maiden name either. I like the space

Now.. to just officially change my name.... Still need to get a hold of some extra copies of the marriage license

Originally Posted by Perna

I actually know someone whose father took her mother's name because the mother's family was renown and he wanted to become part of that

It's all good.

I would find it hard to change to my wife's name because I imagine people would be sniggering behind my back.

[Chris0516]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

Was watching a wedding story today on Tv and they had a woman who was getting married and didn't take her husbands last name. Just wondering if people think that's odd or not.

If I ever get married again I don't think I will, or else I'll hyphenate my last name. I don't want to lose that part of me and my history of my family. No one else will pass down the family name in my case.

Just wondering bc I think most don't agree with the idea. Thoughts?

I must be weird.

While I wanted my (ex)wife to take my name, I wanted to have hers.

She ended up taking my name(and still has it, despite our divorce twelve years ago). I never took her name.

I think this practice originated because women had no rights, and in order for them to secure themselves financially, they changed their last name to their husband's. Some couples today, combine both last names to form a new name. Interesting. I don't think I'd change my last name, but I'll probably never have to make that decision because I most likely won't marry.

[PiperLeigh]

Nobody ever spelled my maiden name correctly. I was thrilled to take my husband's last name because it is such a normal, common name.

I went to school with a girl whose last name was Ramsbottom. She hoped and prayed every day to find a good husband to marry so she could ditch the name. LOL

[doggiedo]

Interesting post, huh? It's something that most people have an opinion on and I appreciate your feedback!

Toilet and doggiedo getting married - good one!

[Harley47]

I would be happy and honored to take my wife's last name, provided that would be okay with her. The side of the family I take my last name from is far distanced from me, and part of me thinks it almost inconsiderate to ask her to take a last name that means zilch to me.

But I'm not overly picky about it. Whatever makes her happy, I'm happy with. I've got a rather long time before this is even an issue for me anyway.