Can someone explain relationships with a bipolar?

I have been seeing a woman for about 3 years. It started out sweet. It was amazing. It lasted about a year. She was divorcing. And soon all those good qualities seemed to fade.
She became very clingy. She was very emotional. If I didn't call by a certain time, she would get angry.
I suggested counseling. It took a lot, but she finally went. She attended counseling for a year. I still didn't see any changes. She still acted abnormal. I told her I would go to counseling with her. Within 3 sessions her therapist suggested bipolar. I feel that while she was attending counseling alone she wasn't as open about sharing her life.

The counselor suggested some separation. And a psychological evaluation for her.
I told her I would help her any way I could. As the months wore on she became worse. She would throw things and get violent. Her grades in college suffered. Her sleep patterns were very odd. She would cry a lot.
It got to the point that anyone I talked to was a "girl I was cheating with". She lived with me for over a year at this point. I told her she had to leave.
She told my mom she was homeless, and my mother took her in.
She stayed there for about a month. Then she moved in right behind me.

Her evaluation said she was bipolar according to her. She has been taking depakote, melatonin, and Paxil.
We started to talk again. And even some light dating. She kept pressing the issue of marriage. She even proposed. I declined.
We still dated, but nothing serious.

She asked me a few days ago if we could work on a serious relationship. I told her yes.
Two days ago I called her and a guy answered her phone. This is her boyfriend now. I was in shock. I still am.

Is this a direct result of bipolar? Or is it typical for someone to switch that quick?

The new guy is nothing like her. She is a family oriented woman and comes from middle class. He is a felon and has shared his opinion about how she needs to be protected. She tells him I'm violent?

I'm sorry this is so long.
Should I wait for her? Or did she do this with a sound mind, and needs no excuse?

Thanks

I would suggest looking up the possibility of Borderline Personality Disorder.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderl...ality_disorder

I wouldn't say that the unstable relationship pattern is typical for bipolar, because anyone with bipolar could have varying degrees of awareness of their condition. Some people with MI learn how to treat relationships in a much less destructive manner. The only advice I could ever give you regarding relationships with the 'mentally different' is: to be supportive, press that she seeks professional help, and to encourage healthy coping behaviors.

It seems to me that you put your share of effort into helping her feel better, but she doesn't yet have the control over how she acts in response to how she feels. She feels really vulnerable, and perhaps her insecurity is driving her to volatile attachments. And in the case of BPD, the acting out would be an attempt to garner emotional support (?).

It is awesome that people like you exist who are willing to look past emotional abuse and see the scared victim of mental illness on the inside! But on the flip side, the victim is still responsible for the continued heartbreak they put on others.

It may very well be BPD.
She has a way of lying to people.
In their minds when they lie, are they telling the "truth" the way they see it?

I believe she has painted me as a dangerous individual. That's far from the truth. But that would explain his need to protect her.

I kind of feel foolish. I mean, here she is, in the arms of another man, and here I am missing her.
She just met him, their first date was 2 days ago. He's been at her place since. The most disturbing factor is her kids are there and see mommy and the new guy.
I'm a single father. I certainly wouldn't bring home someone I just met.

I get where you're coming from, but I think encouraging people to self-diagnose people isn't a good place to go. This should be between her doctor and her, unless she chooses to share her medical data with the OP.

There is no secret mental illness that will explain a relationship for you! I can't say that switching partners so quickly is because she has bipolar disorder, it could be influenced by that or it could be not. I think instead of focusing on what her diagnosis is, focus on her as a person. No one can tell you what it's like to be in a relationship with "a bipolar" because everyone is different, and mental illness presents differently in different people. We all have our own personalities despite our illness!

And I know it wasn't intentional, but "a bipolar" is kind of a rude way to refer to someone with a mental illness, if you wouldn't mind using it as an adjective instead of a noun?

I would suggest for her to talk to a professional about the sudden change in her relationships. It is not uncommon for someone experiencing mania to make drastic changes in their life, disregarding any consequences (such as her losing you). However I wouldn't go ahead and say it is a direct correlation to having bipolar disorder. There may be other deeper issues that lie beneath the surface, that is coming up while she is in a bipolar episode. Again, I suggest this be talked about to a professional, so she can be properly assessed. As far as you waiting for her, that is entirely up to you. You could be waiting for nothing, or could really be there for her if this is beyond her total control. This may also be a time where she isn't equipped to handle a serious relationship, and you may not be able to sustain one until she becomes more stable.

I would leave since you were so adament to stay in the first place. Honestly, you can't make her do anything unless shes a danger to herself, and then you can call the cops. I think she was emotionally scarred from her divorce which triggered this. Divorce is stressful for anyone and rarely easy to cope with. She may/may not have bipolar and this could possibly be her only episode. (Episodes arent always short) Ultimately, you have to decide how important this relationship is for you.

I didn't mean to generalize anyone, or offend anyone by using the word bipolar. I can understand the noun adjective. Sorry.

This isn't just a girl I dated. We were high school sweethearts. My family moved my junior year to another state. She gave me back my ring (yes, we were engaged) and broke up with me before we moved.
A few months ago, she got a tattoo with our initials in it.
She said it was to solidify her belief that we should be together. It scared me at first, because we haven't been real serious since she moved out. And in a weird way, it made me feel special.
I had given a lot of thought about her. In some ways I saw her making progress with her emotions. I was married to a woman with BPD, but she would never seek help. The fact that this girl was actually trying by going to therapy and taking her meds made me feel proud of her.

Maybe what I'm looking for is someone to tell me it's the disorder, and not her that caused her to find someone new.
What really stinks is I can't get any resolution from her. Her new guy answered her phone a few days ago. He told me he now has her phone, and she has his; that way she can avoid talking to me.

Oh, sorry! I didn't mean to sound like I was diagnosing anyone. I just thought that the OP may find benefit in following that suggestion. I honestly didn't want to clutter up my post with a disclaimer that I thought was unnecessary at the time.

Today has been rough for me.
I wanted to thank you guys for not telling me to run away from her.

When we were dating she didn't cheat (that I know of).
She was just very difficult to get along with.

Some things I don't want to admit....
When we were young, and she broke up, she was hanging with this guy. Shortly after we broke up, she was dating him. She told me stories about him. He allegedly would lock her in her room. At one point she was pregnant, and he paid a doctor to hold her down and abort the baby. I find that hard to believe.

When she was married she talked about divorce. She said she had always thought about divorcing. She was married for 12 years. She would secretly meet me during her marriage. I'm so ashamed of that. But she didn't have any horror stories. She was just unhappy. Recently she started saying he cheated on her repeatedly.

I love her.
That's what's bugging me the most. Despite all that she has done to me, she really is trying.
I don't know whether to pursue this anymore, or let it go.

She sent me an email yesterday morning at 6am asking me if I was still awake. That's all the email said.

Her not sleeping would indicate a mania phase, right?
When I sent her an email telling her I was confused why she contacted me, she replied "leave me the f--k alone. I met the man of my dreams and I just wanted u to know that last night".

Any thoughts on this?

Also, I found out her new man has multiple arrests. Domestic violence, assault, threatening, and a few others.

She is studying criminal justice at a local college. So her involvement with this guy is totally out of character.