[Lost321]

I have been with my husband since high school. He and I love each other very much. We are a great team in a crisis too. He's a hard worker and will be eternally faithful too. Should be a perfect happy couple right? Here's the problem. I don't feel like he likes me sometimes or that he embraces the parts of my personality that are REALLY me. I am fun loving and a social butterfly atleast I used to be. He never likes any of the people I do or going out a lot ( well ever really) I like loud fun music and talking. He's quiet and reserved. I know this probably wouldn't be an issue if I had friends to hangout with but he doesn't like that either because that would take away from him and the kids. On the rare occassion I do get a phone call from a friend Literally like once a month he makes snide remarks the entire time about the phone growing attached to my ear etc. He is also a pessimist but says he's a realist. If I work hard cleaning and have something spotless his response is "It looks good bet it won't by tomorrow" or if I come up with an activity or project I want to do he will say something sarcastic like " In all your spare time". If all of this was just a single occurence I would laugh it off or ignore it but this has been going on for years and years. I feel suppressed and disrespected and like my feelings don't matter in our marriage. We have 4 children the oldest is in jr. high the youngest is 2 so leaving would effect them too but I'm not sure how much more of me I can stand to lose. I am turning into a depressed lazy slob version of myself. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see.
Unfortunately I don't see him changing his behavior. I told him I thought we needed counseling and he responded with "yeah I think You do".

[Leed]

When did this start to change? Do you have any idea WHAT changed him? Was it when you started having kids? Is he possibly feeling ignored now that your time is taken by children, housekeeping, etc. Do you work outside the home? Perhaps he feels like he doesn't "matter" like he used to, so he's become sarcastic & apathetic in the marriage.

Sounds like you two DO need couples counseling. But it doesn't sound like he's very receptive to the idea. Do you think he would go? If he doesn't perhaps you could go, and see what happens. It would be better if he went too. I just don't know if that is what is needed.

I wish you the best. Let us know what happens. But keep posting ok? God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[Lost321]

Unfortunately I think he has kind of been this way since the beginning. I think all of the stresses of life and kids has maybe made it worse. I think I am the one who has truly changed. I think as I have grown up more I have become less tolerant and feel held back. I am working on my issues now with a life coach trying to truly be confident and independent. Hoping that maybe that will encourage him to be more open to working on his as well we'll see. Thanks for responding