[mandehble]

Ok, so, I have this online friend. We've been talking since March. We usually skype but sometimes send messages over facebook. We got into a political discussion via facebook the other day. I talked about why I am a bit of a fence sitter because I'm afraid of mob mentality and the bandwagon effect and I cited the Stanford Prison experiment as one of my reasons (which he thought didn't say much about true human nature) but my real reasons have to do more with being treated badly and abused in various ways by numerous people throughout my life...

Now, his reply wasn't mean in any way...but I think it was quite preachy and very opinionated and I'm not saying that it CAUSED a meltdown...but it certainly facilitated one. I became very confused about how I felt towards him and what my actual thoughts were on the issue. I felt threatened and afraid of him and ashamed of myself for not having stronger opinions and then ashamed all over again for overreacting so badly...One thing he said was that he felt fortunate to have strong opinions because he thought it was better than 'being lost in the world' - So then I felt that I was lost in the world and...I think you get the point. My emotions spiraled out of control. I really projected onto him and read all kinds of nasty things that probably weren't there but I just don't trust myself to know good people from bad people.

So, my problem now is that I haven't replied to this message and I don't know how to face him. It's really obvious that I can't handle the perceived threat that I feel from having a basic, adult debate on political issues...but if I tell him what happened to me emotionally and why, I'm afraid of the reaction. I feel like he'll judge me or criticize me or that I'll make him feel bad for facilitating a meltdown. I've turned to my usual habit of avoidance but I'm afraid that even that choice could have negative consequences. Ack!

[Confusedinomicon]

I don't talk about politics with any of my friends, really. If I do, I usually do what you do and I sit on the fence. I do that, or I try not to comment back. (There are only a few issues I'll actually discuss.)

Don't tell him you had a melt-down, but tell him that this discussion is triggering and you'd like to avoid political discussions in the future. He should respect that line if he really respects you. If he responds and says something questionable, maybe come here and we can try and help you understand where he is coming from to maybe prevent a meltdown?

My best friend and I have opposite political beliefs. We have decided not to avoid politics for the most part because we argue and there is a huge potential of someone getting hurt. It works for us.

[Leed]

Why do you have to tell him you had a meltdown at all? Don't even mention it.

Just give your normal answer and let it go at that. If he suspects something was wrong,, just tell him you were tired, or something. But you do NOT have to tell him any more than that. The rest is between you and your therapist, if you have one.

Best of luck & God bless. Big hugs, Lee

[mandehble]

Originally Posted by Leed

Why do you have to tell him you had a meltdown at all? Don't even mention it.

Just give your normal answer and let it go at that. If he suspects something was wrong,, just tell him you were tired, or something. But you do NOT have to tell him any more than that. The rest is between you and your therapist, if you have one.

Best of luck & God bless. Big hugs, Lee

I guess I don't need to but I don't want to lie to him. I guess the problem is that my 'normal answer' involves explaining why I am extremely biased in beliefs about human nature because of abuse I have experienced. I'll feel bad if I play the 'abuse victim' card on him.

[mandehble]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

I don't talk about politics with any of my friends, really. If I do, I usually do what you do and I sit on the fence. I do that, or I try not to comment back. (There are only a few issues I'll actually discuss.)

Don't tell him you had a melt-down, but tell him that this discussion is triggering and you'd like to avoid political discussions in the future. He should respect that line if he really respects you. If he responds and says something questionable, maybe come here and we can try and help you understand where he is coming from to maybe prevent a meltdown?

My best friend and I have opposite political beliefs. We have decided not to avoid politics for the most part because we argue and there is a huge potential of someone getting hurt. It works for us.

You're right. Using the word 'meltdown' would be a bit much, wouldn't it?