[doggiedo]

I haven't spoken to my ex in a day and I miss talking to him. I want to know he's okay and I also want him to know I'm thinking of him and hoping he is handling things ok.

Also, selfishly, I just want someone to talk to. I want to talk to someone that understands me and who I can really talk to.

I shouldn't text him, right? He asked me not to text or contact him for a while so he can heal. I want to respect his wishes, but it's so difficult. I feel like its my only lifeline right now.

I was doing so well earlier today- went into work for the morning and then did some sewing this afternoon, until the machine broke. Now I just want to head to bed, but it's way too early. I don't know what to do.

We were supposed to go to a sporting event this Sunday- he spent a lot of money to get us tickets and I was kinda rude to him by saying I didn't feel like going. I know how much it meant to him but a few days ago,before we broke up, I told him I didn't want to. Now I'm seeing advertisements about the sporting event on tv and it's hard. I know he's gonna go tomorrow with his buddies and he's gonna be the only one there without a wife. Idk who he's even gonna take. I wonder if he's doing ok.....

[Leed]

Why did you two even break up? Sounds like you get along ok.

If you were asked to NOT contact him, then DO NOT. Don't text him or e-mail him, nothing. Leave him alone for awhile.

i know you feel lonely, but you have us to talk to and share things with. I know it's not the same thing, but it's btter than nothing, right? if you keep contacting him, you're going to push him farther away. He needs space, for whatever reason. If something happens to him, I'm sure you'll be contacted. but I doubt anything will go wrong.

Please take care of yourself. Try to keep busy so you're not obsessing about him all the time. Keep posting here too. God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee

[doggiedo]

We did get along well, but I don't think I loved him like I want to love a life partner. I think we were good friends, but not much physical attraction. It's sad really.

We are not friends on FB but I do see when he posts pix on Instagram. He seems to be having fun at the sporting event. I feel bad and wish i was there to share it with him.
I should stop looking at his posts, tweets, etc, right?

Today I was supposed to visit my parents and now I dont want to go. I just want to stay at home in bed....

[dailyhealing]

Just my two cents here... I don't have a lot of experience with breaking up, etc... I had several relationships before I married that didn't end well and have now been with my wife for over 20 years (Married 15 years this month)...

But, I do have some thoughts about this anyway. First, I feel like for your mental health it's probably good for you to begin to separate from him emotionally or to try and work it out. You obviously have very strong feelings for him still as you are talking with him regularly.

My second thought is about the physical attraction. I guess I don't really know what you mean by the physical attraction part, or at least the level of "not much". For me, the women I was attracted to before I got together with my wife were not emotionally good for me but the physical part was really good. My wife and I were friends for over 2 years before we decided to get together and the physical part never had the intensity of those other few relationships I had before. I think for me the intensity of the physical part often had to do with something unhealthy, and I'm not saying it's like that for everyone. My wife was my friend first, and that helped me. I don't do trust well, especially back then, so that was more important. And as time went on the physical part has actually improved as our emotional closeness and trust has grown even more!

Only you can decide what is best for you, but thought I would offer my thoughts about the subject. Thanks for posting this and I hope you come to some peace about this. I do feel it's best to make a decision one way or another because it seems to be hurting you emotionally to try to just be friends with him. If you want to talk more you are always welcome to send me a message!

[shezbut]

doggiedo,

Imo, you ought to just let go of your ex-bf .

You weren't happy with him ~ he was like nails on a chalkboard to you! He turned you off sexually. Those are pretty big signals there.

Cancel your facebook account and get out to meet different people. When looking on FB, and old desires are brought up, that doesn't mean that you truly DO love your ex. Imo, it simply means that you're lonely ~ and you know that at least HE wanted you. Part of you then begins to fantasize that maybe there really is something special between you...and off you go again. Get off that train track, running around in circles.

Whether you're at work, home, or with your bf/ex-bf, you're unhappy. That piece leading to happiness is something that lies within you. Rather than spending time trying to figure out what to do at work or with your ex, think about what you can do for yourself to make yourself feel better. What do you really need? Are you angry with yourself? Feeling bad about thing/s that happened years ago? What are the issues following you? ~ Start with that.

There are also lists of daily activities that you can refer to any time. Ideas that others have had on healthy little activities that bring a smile or a sense of calmness. I can't seem to find the darn link to the list, to bring up for you though. Sorry! Hopefully, I'll find it to add soon.

I really do wish you the best. I hope that my words don't come across in a negative way, I don't mean it that way. But I do think that you need to get off the path that you're currently stuck on. For yourself (and if you really want to kick yourself about your ex bf, then fine, you can kick yourself for coming & going with him) ~ you need to focus on YOU!

[Vibe]

I'm going through something similar. We're supposed to have no contact right now but it's really, really tough. Even though I know it's for best. If he asked you not to contact, then the best thing to do is to respect these wishes. Leed is right that contacting right now would just push him further away. Plus this time to heal is important for you too. It hurts, but that's usually part of separating from someone you were heavily connected to, like in a romantic relationship. The painful process of learning to be without them is necessary to moving on. So it's probably best that he made this request, because it forces you to start moving on with your life.

I think it's natural to also feel bad and have periods where you want to isolate during this process. Sometimes we just need time to ourselves to deal with our emotions. However, I also think it's important to keep living your life and to start trying to function without him. I would go out with your parents, if you can. You will probably have to force it right now, but in the long run it will have positive benefits. You can't very well move on with life if your life stops functioning completely just because he's gone. This is part of the process.

I know it hurts. Try to keep in mind that the pain of this is temporary, and you will feel better. It sounds like there were valid reasons you guys broke up, so focus on the concept of living your life anew and all the new chances you will have later. G'luck.

[doggiedo]

I'm suicidal tho and he's the only one who I can tell that to. I don't want him to think I'm reaching out to get him back. But I have no one else to help me. I cant do this alone.

He's the only one who cares. Well, he used to.

[Vibe]

That is really difficult. It's hard to lose someone who is a giant source of support in your life, even if it wasn't working out romantically. It makes me think a lot of what drew you guys together was that he was acting somewhat as a therapist for you and that's the kind of support you need right now.

It also highlights why you need new sources of support and companionship in your life, and to maintain the bonds you already have with others. Find close friends who understand. Learn how to deal with these things without having to ultimately rely on others. That doesn't mean you have to do it alone, but it does mean that you have to be self-motivated about your own health and ultimately take responsibility for it.

I guess the major point I want to make is that he is not the only one who can help you with these problems. He's just the only person who has been able to and who you've asked for help. There are others; it's just a matter of finding and reaching out to them.

[doggiedo]

He wasn't abusive. I don't have a new boyfriend - u mixing it up with someone else maybe?

[Vibe]

Hah, sorry! I'll edit my above post. You're right, I'm a bit spacey today.

[Confusedinomicon]

If you're suicidal right now, you need to be talking to your medical support team.

[doggiedo]

I'm okay now. It's almost time for bed. I'm gonna make it until tomorrow, thank you for your support and concern. Mornings are always better for me....let's hope

[Confusedinomicon]

You should still talk to your mental health support team. They deserve to know whats going on in your life so they can help you to the best of their abilities. If you with hold a lot it is harder to treat you with any effective therapy or medicine treatment.

[dailyhealing]

I would second that. If you are having issues at all with feeling suicidal I would encourage you to talk to your pdoc or T if you have one. If not maybe your doctor? I'm glad you are feeling better and will make it until tomorrow, but I'm still worried about you.