[ariadna]

I am sorry to say this, but i guess i dont have any remedy to tell someone what is happening to me because i cant take anymore of it. i am at the point i am hating my mother. She is so abusing, all the time she treated me like crap, since i was a child, she always told me that i was a god punishment, that she was taking pills and she got pregnant of me and i didnt died. Why the hell she didnt killed me? i am fat, i am trash, i am not good enough, no matter how much effort i do, it is never enough. I try to be always tolerant and please her, but if i am not a robot, if i am in the wrong place, if she is in the wrong mood, then i am the worst person ever.
I have a insulin problem, but i dont care at all, today she said to me, just because i didnt washed a stupid burned pan, that i am the same as my brother, i asked her to stop, but she started being worse and worse. My brother is the jerk who insult and scream to her like if she is just crap.
i feel so bad, and the worst is that i cannot leave this place, i am so trapped, so frustrated... i feel like smoking again, who cares about breathing... i dont care about my insulin, i cant feel the flavor of sugar anymore, it is becoming like a drug.
And you know what? i tried to get some help, but no one was available, funny thing to say.

[Harley47]

I am so sorry to hear about your relationship with your mother.

I would tell you that you are absolutely not something like a punishment. That is absurd, and very cruel to say. I don't know if you believe in God, but I would tell you that if you're here despite 99.9% effective rate of the pill (given proper use), He has a plan for you. And if you don't, I'd still say it.

As far as her, baring something like getting out, being tolerant of her goes a long way, and speaks highly of your maturity. Try to realize that you won't be with her forever. My aunt, rest her soul, was always fond of saying "This too shall pass." I would share that with you.

As far as smoking again, I'd tell you not to let her get you to that point. It takes a lot of effort to quit, and you've already done it once. Don't put yourself in a position to have to overcome that again.

When you said no help was available, who did you speak to? Have you tried speaking to your guidance counselor? Perhaps a trusted teacher? Family?

If there is anything I can do for you, my PM box is open. Take care, and know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

[shezbut]

((((ariadna))))

Gentle hugs to you ~ I wish that I could help you through somehow.

Do you work? If not, you may want to consider volunteering some of your time to taking care of others. Visiting the elderly, dropping off meals to disabled and elderly, working in a soup kitchen, working at the YMCA (caring for young children or teaching older children fun games to play), etc. The list of volunteer opportunities is long and always growing

Volunteering to help others just might give you the self-confidence and appreciation from others that you need so badly. Individuals and groups are always thrilled and appreciative of their volunteers. It means a lot to them ~ even if it's just a few hours per week for you, that's a huge help to them & that's special!


Take care!

[twofaces]

'You are not the only one with those problems'

'I can't help you, the only one who can help you is yourself'

'You seem fine. You are not like physically handicapped. Why do you criticize yourself?'

As if these people know what they are talking about. Mental illness and relationship problems are so underrated.

Have you tried getting into some social help for teenagers? In Australia, there is a website dedicated to help distressed teens. I'm pretty sure you can find it in your country as well.

I also have a lot of mental problems, but your case also seem to involve a lot of problems rooted from your unstable attachment with your mother. It must feel truly hard to live in that condition...

[ariadna]

[QUOTE=twofaces;2439984]'You are not the only one with those problems'

it is very hard. I am in a such small town that i cant find anything more than this :s... anyways, thanks so much for the kind words, they help so much... She is never happy, is never enough for her, she always have a worry to complain, i dont know what she want.
Dad is so loving to her, all of us always try to please her, i dont understand at all, and you know, i dont want to be like her when i get old...