[kimmydawn]

is a beautiful thing...to give AND to receive. Forgiveness is a humbling, beautiful ACTION that I have been the giver and the receiver of. It's been one of the most rewarding actions I've ever experienced in my life.

I'm far from perfect. In fact, I'm a flat out screw-up sometimes. Forgiveness has been/is a big part of my life, and I wanted to share that.

kd

[short_n_swt]

It's great when people can learn to forgive and give understanding that people do make errors and mistakes. To learn to forgive is pretty nice, after all it is difficult holding grudges forever!

[funnygirl]

I can and do forgive people. But I never forget! Life is one big learning curve IMO, and it seems sensible to learn by our mistakes.

FG

[Fuzzybear]

Hi kimmy,

I also can and do forgive people who have hurt me. I understand though that it can sometimes take people a long time to forgive depending on their history etc, as it can sometimes for me.

When I apologize it is always sincere and meant to help the other person, not hurt them although as stated on several occasions elsewhere I have made mistakes including "bad timing" in apologizing ( I do not appreciate it if people think otherwise although of course that reflects where they are coming from in their life and/or misunderstandings/miscommunications on one or both sides)

I agree with what another poster said on this thread about bearing grudges

Thanks for this post!

Take care,
Fuzzy

[SweetSunshine]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
kimmydawn said:
is a beautiful thing...to give AND to receive. Forgiveness is a humbling, beautiful ACTION that I have been the giver and the receiver of. It's been one of the most rewarding actions I've ever experienced in my life.

I'm far from perfect. In fact, I'm a flat out screw-up sometimes. Forgiveness has been/is a big part of my life, and I wanted to share that.

kd

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Good Post KD!
Its been a big part of my life too. I've even forgiven my abuser because of the instability in his life ..I've forgiven my father for his part in denying me his love and safe arms when he was told about my being abused. It still hurts. Thats how much you can see what kind of person I am. BUT... when someone flat out refuses to believe a sincere apology, or bullies you .. or does things to constantly hurt you..that they know will hurt you...how can you keep doing it ?Dont you have to set a boundary somewhere? Just asking thats all.

[Fuzzybear]

oh yes boundaries are very important.

I wouldnt keep apologizing to someone who appears not to be able to accept it.

they either will or won't accept your remorse (and maybe friendship) in their OWN time

[Fuzzybear]

Tryin,

Was my post ANY help at all?

Just curious,

Take care,
Fuzzy

[SweetSunshine]

Yes it was Fuzzy .. sorry I didnt get back to it right away . I am in and out of the house putting some Preen and Feed granules in my landscaping. I get a bottle done and have to come back in cause my back is hurting so bad I need to rest it. We all have our faults and make mistakes. Bu to be told that they know us better than we know ourselves and what we meant to do .. that just doesnt jive with me. What gets me is that others have been able to forgive me for it. Its just this one person. WTH? I just dont get it.

[Fuzzybear]

sounds a sucky situation

Maybe they will eventually realise that they are not always right, I dunno though

I also HATE it when people think their opinions of me are facts and that they understand my past and present words and actions better than I do GGGGRRRRRRRRR

Sorry about being impatient

[kimmydawn]

Wow, I was focusing on one aspect of forgiveness, me thinks.

I rarely forget what I've forgiven. It's funny how it's easy to forget what I'm forgiven of. Maybe I just don't like to see that in myself?

I don't think there's bad timing in asking for forgiveness. It doesn't mean that it will be accepted by the other right then and there, but I think the sooner it's put out there, the better.

On that line, all we can do is ask for forgiveness. If the person chooses not to forgive us, we have little choice but to move past it, knowing we've asked.

Good responses that opens up my post a great deal! I was focusing on one aspect of a gracious act, when there's alot more to it, huh?

Love,

KD

[Monty_girl]

kimmy, I think it takes a special person to be able to forgive and ask for forgiveness.

There would be no way I could forgive or ask someone to forgive me. If someone wrongs me they are just writen off to me. I hold a grudge that seem to last a lifetime. It's just me and I don't think that it will change or do I want to change.

You are a special person to be able to forgive ppl or ask ppl to forgive you. That's a strength I will never have.

Monty

[SweetSunshine]

Wow a very good friend from school sent this to me this morning ... And I thought how appropriate for this thread. Hope you dont mind me sharing! Its just to neat to share it . Thanks~ Bethy

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING THROUGH THE DESERT.

DURING SOME POINT OF THE JOURNEY THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT AND ONE FRIEND SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING, WROTE IN THE SAND:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING, UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED TO TAKE A BATH.

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE MIRE
AND STARTED DROWNING, BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM THE NEAR DROWNING, HE WROTE
ON A STONE:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED AND SAVED HIS BEST
FRIEND ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU, YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW, YOU WRITE
ON A STONE, WHY?"

THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED "WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US WE
SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.

BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING GOOD FOR US, WE
MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE WHERE NO WIND CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{Kimmy}}}}}}}}}} Some of my thoughts:

Bearing a grudge gets quite heavy and robs us of energy needed elsewhere. It will also fester inside and poison our actions and our thoughts. It will stand in the way of our own personal progress and robs us of peace, love and JOY.

"You hurt me once, shame on you. You hurt me twice, shame on ME." Which goes along with "You can forgive but you don't have to forget." To forget is to put yourself back in harm's way.

The flip side to that is, when you say "I'm sorry" it's much easier than saying "Please forgive me." "I'm sorry" can become an unconscious habit. Asking "Forgive me?" takes thought, sometimes a big gulp of pride and acknowledgement of your own wrong deeds... Accepting Responsibility. A person is a lot less likely to re-commit a hurtful act or word after asking for forgiveness.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for sharing this Tyin.... I think it is an important aspect of personal growth!!!!!

I used to bear grudges much more than I do now. Life is too short to perpetuate negativity and hurt

(PS to continue with your metaphor (?) some people who bear grudges grind the other person's face in the sand over and over again ...)

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((( Kimmy )))))))))))))))

[hillbunnyb]

Oh dear BIG topic forgiveness..... on my table as we speak. Hurts hurt and we flinch. Get defensive. Want to strike back. But, if we can train ourselves to 1) stop 2) drop and 3) roll, as it were, ie: 1) acknowlege the affront, 2) recognize it's "not ours" and let go of it, 3) regrease our feathers with self talk so the crud rolls off like water off a ducks back.

Then come here or call a friend to blow off steam and process.
PS The better I get at forgiving myself, the better I get at forgiving others.......