[marytriquetra]

I take it that relationships means family too so here goes.

I am learning to drive at the minute, stressful enough, but it's my dad who's teaching me, and me and my dad DO NOT get along. He is the only one who will teach me or can tecah me and he loves cars, so he wants to teach me, which means he is excited to have me pass, which means that in my first week he was expecting me to be amazing, that was a month ago. He is finally beginning to understand that I am a human being, and that I will not learn how to drive in a week. However tonight we started reversing into parking spaces (manual car, not automatic so it is is pretty hard considering it is my first go.

When I let the clutch out a fraction too quickly he'd yell at me, when I was trying to listen to the noise of the engine or concentrate on doing 5 different things at once, he'd start talking about something, then I'd lose concentration and do something wrong and he'd yell, making me scared and panicked and do everything else wrong. When I cry, he yells even more, thinking that will make me stop, because he can't handle me showing any kind of human emotion. So him yelling more and louder makes it harder for me to try to stop crying, to the point that I just get worse and that makes him worse, so then he moves on to swearing and calling me names. All I want to do is get out and run, but I know that will only make it a million times worse so I sit there while he says the same things over and over again and shouts about why he should have to repeat himself. I try to tell him that i understand what he wants me to do, it is just hard and I am trying my best, but he doesn't understand. He is always right, no matter what or who says different.

I know he is just trying to make me learn but all he is doing is making me panic. I am now home and I am still crying so much that I feel like I am going to be sick. he said we'd only be out for half an hour, instead I was in the car with him for an hour and a half, and an hour of that time was spent with him yelling and me crying. I don't know how I can get through to him, even when he has stopped yelling and just tells me is his 'nice fatherly voice' that there is no need for tears, he still believes that what he is doing is right, and I am just being an idiot or a 'dumb blonde' as he now likes to call me even though I am a straight A student and have done so well in job interviews that I now have two jobs. In a recession that is not bad. I don't know how to make him understand me.

[Leed]

Do you and your Dad have a close relationship? Can't you sit him down BEFORE you go out (or in the evening sometime) and TELL him your feeliings?

Can you tell him what he's doing? Tell him that because you are just learning, his constant talking, judging, belittling, badgeriing isn't helping matters at all. If he wants you to learn, tell you to do something, then BE QUIET so you can DO IT. It's hard enough to drive a manual transmission car, let alone listen to him, push in the clutch, change gears, use your turn signal, accelerate, push in the clutch again, change gears, yadayadayada. You can do it if he'll just shut up!

I'm sure you can word it differently, but talk to him calmly and lovingly. He's your Dad for Pete's sake, and you should be able to talk to him openly. And he shouldn't get mad -- if he does, he'll get over it because he will know that you're right. He's being too judgmental. You're just learning, and not everyone can learn that fast on a stick shift! So just talk to him honey. You'll get it.

God bless and let us know how you do. Hugs, Lee

[marytriquetra]

Originally Posted by Leed

Do you and your Dad have a close relationship? Can't you sit him down BEFORE you go out (or in the evening sometime) and TELL him your feeliings?

Can you tell him what he's doing? Tell him that because you are just learning, his constant talking, judging, belittling, badgeriing isn't helping matters at all. If he wants you to learn, tell you to do something, then BE QUIET so you can DO IT. It's hard enough to drive a manual transmission car, let alone listen to him, push in the clutch, change gears, use your turn signal, accelerate, push in the clutch again, change gears, yadayadayada. You can do it if he'll just shut up!

I'm sure you can word it differently, but talk to him calmly and lovingly. He's your Dad for Pete's sake, and you should be able to talk to him openly. And he shouldn't get mad -- if he does, he'll get over it because he will know that you're right. He's being too judgmental. You're just learning, and not everyone can learn that fast on a stick shift! So just talk to him honey. You'll get it.

God bless and let us know how you do. Hugs, Lee

Thanks Lee, I'm afraid my Dad isn't a very easy person to talk to. He and I have never really been close. When I was little he worked really late and I was maybe 9 or 10 before I saw him during the day very much because he changed jobs then. We have never really seen eye to eye with anything, but I will give it a go. I think tonight when my mum came in like an hour later and realised I was still crying he might have understood that he took things A LITTLE too far this time, but I think if he is ever going to understand then I have to try to talk to him. It is hard with him though, he's so stubborn! Thanks for the advice, I'll do my best, wish me luck!