[doggiedo]

I was keeping in touch with my ex boyfriend and he basically said he can't keep acting like an emotional bf to me just because I need it. He told me I treated him poorly and he deserves better. He basically made me feel like I'm a big meanie. I'm pissed and upset and now he's backing off whatever that means.

I also just got back from a funeral and wake for a friend I had all growing up. I feel like I have Boone. Normally my ex, who WAS like a best friend to me, would be there. I literally have noone. My mom and I are driving back from the funeral and can't wait to get home to my apartment so I can isolate.

I deleted him from my phone so I wouldn't be tempted to text him. The way I left it was I said 'ok, I'll leave u alone' and he said ok. Wtf! I'm so alone

Am very sorry to hear about your friend, always very sad to say goodbye to someone.

Same, as sorts, to your ex huh? But here's the good news - there's loads of people out there who will like you, just get out there and meet some new friends! Easier said than done, I know, but its the best way to go. It would be good to have your support network 'net' as it were cast a little wider too, so you dont have to rely on any one person.

Good luck and big hugs
x

[doggiedo]

He is he only one that understood me or even cared. No one wants to be friends with someone as messed up as me. I literally have. Pone or nothing in my life to live for. What is the point.

Really? Nothing?

I dont agree. When you are at your lowest, the only way is up. It just takes courage, a bit of confidence (even if pretend at first). If you are so messed up, then how did you get a boyfriend in the first place? You say that nobody wants to be friends, but I dont see why not. On here you are kind to people, come up with good advice and are caring. Those are qualities that many people dont have and you should be proud of yourself! You have a good job/career too, thats more than I have!!!

You sound very sad and down. Sure, you say you're messed up - do you have therapy? If its away from others you know then it's a fresh start, nobody will know about you. Perhaps you could find ways to improve, and gain your confidence. Join some clubs, go out of your normal circle, and try and push yourself? It is hard, it really is but its like cause and effect - if you think you are mucked up and worthless, then you will come over as being mucked up and worthless. Focus on your good points (of which I am sure there are many more than I've seen) and things will improve. Promise.

[doggiedo]

I was going to therapy but last week I went and she called the meeting early. She said, oh so it seems like you are doing better so why don't we just see each other in 1 month. If you are still doing well then you can call and cancel. Huh? She thinks I'm fine! I even told her the list of things (two weeks ago during that session) what I want to work on.

I wouldn't even know what club to join. I feel like its not worth it. How do you do it?

I am down, you are right. I have nothing that interests me. I do have a few friends but no one close. No one I can really talk to. And half the time we make plans and I don't want to go so I come up with an excuse or something. Its pathetic.

Now I feel like that my friend who passed away - he should have my life. He loved life so much and here I am hating mine. As I was driving back today I wondered if I could just drive my car into a tree. Make it look like an accident. Here I am hating my life when I should be happy that I am alive. I'm so ungrateful.

You're bound to be down, you lost a dear friend, you split up with your fella.

There is never a good enough reason for someone to pass away young, it never seems fair. There's nothing you could do about it, and the best way to honour a friend who loved life is not to waste yours is it not? I think so. He, as a dear friend, would hate to see you so sad am sure...
Splitting up with people is normally a good reason tho - its too easy to put the rose-tinted glasses on, esp when feeling down or lonely.

Let me ask you - what would you say to me if I said that I was fed up and had no friends? We often know the answer ourselves, its just when down, cant see the forest for the tree's. Its so much easier to help others than help ourselves - and help yourself is exactly what you have to do, to get out of this hole. Can you go and treat yourself, do stuff that makes you feel happy, even for a little while? Go shopping, have a lovely long soak in the tub, curl up with a good book or film? Anything to give you a little lift?

You can always phone your therapist and tell her that you want to see her more often. Its your life & feelings so you should decide - you are paying are you not?!! If she disagrees, I know it can be a pain, but change therapists?

I understand you dont want to join a club because you feel like its not worth it, but that's depression talking. You know this. If you dont fancy a club, then can you afford a night class? Has there been anything you wanted to get better at, or loved doing as a kid? Like an art class, pottery, or perhaps dancing or learn another language? This way you will be meeting new folk, all in the same boat, plus you get to add a feather to your bow. Anyhow, I have a feeling I could suggest many many things to you, but the way you feel at the moment, it will all be a bad idea to you. There's nothing wrong with that, but you do have to help yourself to get stronger - nobody can take those first steps for you. Sorry.

x

[doggiedo]

More tomorrow bc I'm exhausted, but I did make plans with a friend that I haven't seen in a while- we are going to a movie on fri. I guess that's a start!?? Thx for ur responses, more tomorrow

[doggiedo]

Let me ask you - what would you say to me if I said that I was fed up and had no friends?

That’s a good question. Idk. I think I’d say the same thing to you. It’s easier said than done though – making that step to go out and do something.

I have thought about doing something. I’m not so in shape for hiking, although I love to do it. I’d love to do a hiking club. I go to the dog park sometimes – I’m going to try and take the dogs tomorrow afternoon, since I have some time off. I teach so Idk if I want to take a class. I took a pottery class a while back and I liked it. Although it was a little expensive – I’d have to find it for free or something. I just gotta get up and do something I guess.

I have thought about changing therapists. I don’t think I’d want to go through the process of explaining my entire life to someone new. If I change therapists I’d also have to change psychiatrists, as they are linked in the same office for me. The wait list is 2-3 months for a new one. I could just set something up and talk to the old therapist in the meantime.

I’d love to get back into exercising. But that is also a slippery slope, as I was an over exerciser and dabbled with an eating disorder several years back. It’s a tough one.

Sorry for the delay - had to go to my other half's dad for the day.

Sounds like you've quite a few interests! Go-on, give one a go :-) Hiking sounds amazing, and if not fit enough, is there a beginners group you could join? As you have a history of over doing exercising then I guess this would be the best option for you? You live in such a beautiful and vast country, must be awesome going hiking. In the UK its just rainy all the time, lol.

I understand about teaching and not wanting a class - busman's holiday and all that, but at least pottery is fun?! What do you teach?

And yes, I agree, would be good to set up another appointment with the old therapist - if you need to go, then you need to go, she shouldnt turn you away.

I do hope you find the courage to get out there and do something. Everyone has something to offer as a friend, and am sure you will make new ones. It's just getting yourself out there huh? I wish you all the very best and am rooting for you. Enjoy the movie tomorrow :-)

x