I think this has affected my view of women, particularly since my mother only stopped hitting me when i started hitting her back.

Now I can't say I never hit my mum, because I have.

I am probably also more likely to hit someone in an argument.

The other day my mum raised her hand at me and i punched it away. She got mad at me and so did my dad, because I apparently hit her, but I just got mad at being intimidated or threatened in that manner and i reacted instinctively. I don't think that counts as hitting.

My concern now is that I will get a girlfriend and I will hit her when we argue. Or maybe i'll punch her hand away and she'll take that as assault, which I don't think it is.

[MISERABLE ME]

It I have been in the same situation with my mom when I was younger and thought a lot of the same way you did and I have never been that way towards no one in any relationship except then do not worry so much I am sure you will find a nice lovely women someday and you all will be just fine.

[merlin87tx]

Im no expert at this but I understand the physical abuse.

Going through years of being hit and then reaching a point where you can fight back, can make one feel powerful. After years of having no voice or power, it can feel good to finally get it. But thats the catch, it creates a visicous circle that will continue through you. Unless you can find the will or proper outlet.

You can take baby steps. Thats what I did. Hitting a pillow. Going for a run. These little distractiond.can help for a short time and you can try testing your patience but dont expect things to change quickly. Take a breath and make the effort. Its all on you for this choice.

[shezbut]

((IllegalToilet))

Have you lived with your parents throughout life, or did you go away for school/work/volunteer?

Regarding your parents...the situation doesn't sound good at all. You do need to protect yourself, but you also need to know when to leave. If incidents like these are occurring regularly, I'd say that your family has bigger issues that are merely hiding behind the physical abuse. You need therapy for yourself ~ to help you work through your emotions and managing your anger in healthy ways quickly. But, if you're going to continue to stay with your parents, you all need to go to therapy together ~ to get to the core issues and learn how to disagree with one another, but still show respect and caring for one another. I didn't read any of those emotions in your post, so I do wonder what the underlying resentments are. Therapy will help. Hopefully, you and your family will go and get help.

I am curious because you are now questioning your view of women. Does that mean that prior to you coming to this revelation that you noticed yourself carrying a pattern of resentment towards women in general? Did you feel as though women thought that they could have or do whatever they want in life, whereas men actually have to work for what they want? ~ Not an uncommon resentment, btw. In Western civilization, women typically do have more options than men do. However, that is slowly changing. Some men are happy to be stay-at-home fathers. I've known a couple SAHF's through the grapevine.

I would generalize that both sexes feel a lot of pressure to be what they're supposed to be. Some people are better at hiding their emotions than others ~ which isn't necessarily a good thing! Therapy really is the best advice that I can advise you to follow.

Originally Posted by shezbut

I am curious because you are now questioning your view of women. Does that mean that prior to you coming to this revelation that you noticed yourself carrying a pattern of resentment towards women in general? Did you feel as though women thought that they could have or do whatever they want in life, whereas men actually have to work for what they want? ~ Not an uncommon resentment, btw.

Not really, the main resentment here is that I feel shame for being hit by a woman and also for reciprocating by hitting a woman. There are a lot of ads that say it's never acceptable to hit a woman, and I resent messages like that given my past.

I would rather feel no shame at all because I don't think I should be ashamed.

[shezbut]

Illegal Toilet,

It isn't okay that you mom has been hitting you ~ that's a fact! She has got some anger management troubles. What concerns me is that, while you feel society has imposed shame regarding fighting back, you also feel entitled to stand up for yourself and fight back.

You certainly do deserve to stand up for your beliefs and refuse to be abused. But, striking back doesn't resolve the issues between you two. That's why you need to go in for therapy. To help you come up with more effective and safer tools to help you get through the tension at home, without escalation. The escalation can grow very quickly and intensely. Please get help asap!

I am sorry about your mum, and the anger she took out on you for so long.

I do think that you have a few things in your favour tho - one is that you are aware of what is happening and you dont want to ever hit a girlfriend. Self awareness is a massive step in the right direction. The other thing is that you were defending yourself from your mum. Its not like you have gone out and hit her first?

I think your mum is a unique situation and I dont have a problem with self-defense, in fact I applaud it in situations like your mum. I dont condone hitting from either sexes, but I do like someone who's been abused to stand up for themselves.

I do think that its time to get away from your mum, spend less time around her so not to give her the opportunity to lose it with you. If she's still hitting you at your age, then you need to get away. Put that together with your own self-awareness and willingness to break the pattern, find ways to make sure you give yourself time to think in heated situations - walk out the room, count to 10, anything for a few moments to assess the situation, and I think you'll be ok.

hugs.