i have really mixed feelings about posting this here. but it is a relationship issue...for me.

when i was 5, my mother quit sleeping with my dad. she would carry me in and put me in bed with him and she slept in my bed.

one day when i was 40, i walked through my den and saw Phil Donahue on the television. i didn't watch much daytime t.v. and i stopped to see what the woman was saying to him. she told the exact same story that i lived. only i had "forgotten" it until that moment. i was 40!

as soon as my husband came home, i told him about all that had happened to me. no response whatsoever. (it took awhile, but i did learn to not expect responses about anything that had to do with feelings and emotions) i went to a T and after extensive talks, i finally remembered everything and was able to get it out and deal with it.

i felt much more anger towards my mother than i did my dad.
i never mentioned this to either one of them. but emotionally, i was able to make peace about it with my dad. i still haven't forgiven my mother. our relationship was always contentious. especially after i grew up enough to have opinions and state them.

i never pleased my mother. i achieved a lot in my lifetime and she was always able to be sarcastic and cold about it. she did ask me to get Willie Nelson's autograph, after she had condemned me to hell for working for a pot smoking hippie and i refused to get it for her.

so, my big struggle here on the board to speak for people who feel hurt over some of the recent problems still isn't about me. but i want you to know that i've been hurt and i've been rejected. i'm no novice at the hurt game. nor am i a novice at being rejected.

anything that anyone wants to make of this is fine with me. and, in the long run, this is about my relationship with a lot of really wonderful and caring people here who have been through a helluva lot more than i have been through.

xoxoxo pat

You're a brave woman with pure feelings! Thank you for this post... telling us about your past!
Yes, there are always those who have hurt more than you and me in life... but you matter just as much as everybody else.
To have been rejected in the past, is something that follows us through life.
Stand up for yourself like you use to do... because you're good!

(((((((((((((((Pat))))))))))))))

[hillbunnyb]

Oy fayerody, ow ow ow. I am so sorry. My Mom didn't put me in bed with my Dad, but she didn't protect me from his night visits.... so I can relate. I'm glad you are able to take care of yourself now and set boundaries and have a support group who will actually talk about feelings. That's the thing about being an adult, we can make a family that is supportive.

I've been very confused by the recent stuff here. I'm sorry you got hurt in it. I'm sorry for everybody that got triggered and scared and don't know what to do with it. All I can say is thank you for continuing to post. ))))) fayerody (((((((

memories from the past
still hits you like a blast
a woman brave like few
I admire you
you've been hurt deep inside
still you forward stride
I for one can learn from you
to myself be true
you're a friend- you know
with a certain glow

[bebop]

fayerody I know what you mean hon. alot of times I feel the same way. it sucks! but we are all here together to lean on and support each other! (((((U))))

[wisewoman]

Pat, thanks for sharing your story, and I do understand about wanting to be sure we are all heard when many of us have had no voice for so long. You have your voice and you speak clearly. My favorite thing is when I would be in a funk you would offer to bring me some cookie I have never heard of and tea. You seem to always struggle toward nurturing. Be well and know you are so not alone.

((((Fayerody)))))

Thank you for standing up for those who feel on the outside.
Thank you for being brave enough to post this.

i forgot to tell you this. when my mom had 5 strokes and i moved in to care for her, there was a certain understanding that all was okay. she couldn't talk. but one day she grabbed my arm, i was changing her, and she said, "glad, glad, glad".........that did help some with the healing.

[pegasus]

(((((((((((((( fayerody )))))))))))))))

(((Fayerody))))

What a special memory.

I have a similar one of my grandma.

[Lexicon78]

(((((fayerody)))))

I know a lot of times things that bother us now with some people stem from things that have happened in the past that have hurt us terribly.

I'm sorry that your mother put you in such a position. You were a child that didn't have to hurt that much.

I was rejected and hurt terribly in the past and want you to know that I think you are a wonderful woman, inside and out!

You are brave, sensitive, kind, loving, caring, compassionate, and understanding...all the qualities that make a worthwhile and appreciative person!

thank you.........i've really dealt with a lot today...thinking about that and putting more of it away. it was a three year period of my life that doesn't define me now. it affects me..but won't rule me. xoxoxo pat

[desirae]

That was extremly brave for you to talk about. Thank you