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  #1  
Old Sep 19, 2012, 05:20 PM
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kris0220 kris0220 is offline
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Hey I am new to this site. I am trying to get over a very bad relationship and really need help... I am with a wonderful man now but I am not over the hurt from my past. My self esteem is very very low and I do not trust anyone, really. All this from my past is affecting my relationship now. I want to move past it and not feel the pain. :-( Any advice please
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Ones44

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  #2  
Old Sep 19, 2012, 09:15 PM
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Leed Leed is offline
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I know it's hard to get past the pain of a bad relationship, especially if you've been cheated on. It's hard to trust any new person because you're always thinking that this one is going to do the same as the one before. But you must remember that if you have NO PROOF, and there aren't any mysterious disappearances, or strange phone calls on his cell phone, or weird text messages, then there's no need to doubt him. Surely, it's going to take time, and you really should talk this over with your new love and hopefully he'll understand your reluctance to trust. With any luck, he'll be patient too.

If this gets too invasive in your relationship, I'd advise seeing a therapist to find out why you're so reluctant to trust. Perhaps there's something in your past that you've blocked out, that needs to be worked on. A good therapist can help you with that.

I wish you the very best. God bless and please keep us posted as to what happens. Hugs, Lee
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The truth shall set you free but first it will make you miserable..........................................Garfield
Thanks for this!
kris0220
  #3  
Old Sep 20, 2012, 08:11 AM
Anonymous32511
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I agree 100% with Leed - unless there is a reason to be suspicious in your new relationship i would instead try to focus on all the wonderful aspects of being with this man and remind yourself that you overcame such a hurtful situation and were able to find happiness again. Kudos to you. If you explain to your current partner in a clear and concise way that you are still struggling to deal with past hurt at least he will know the reason for you acting differently or being less able to trust him. A good partner will be patient and willing to support you through any difficulties you might be having. If you find that your self esteem/trust issues continue to trouble you i would seek the help of a professional and work through this problem for as long as you need too. All the best.
Thanks for this!
kris0220
  #4  
Old Sep 20, 2012, 09:48 PM
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Ones44 Ones44 is offline
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Leed always seems to give good advice... I agree entirely with the two posts above./
If he isn't willing to be patient though, I would advice searching for another fish in the Ocean.
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Thanks for this!
kris0220
  #5  
Old Sep 21, 2012, 12:07 PM
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kris0220 kris0220 is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: Mountain Top PA
Posts: 13
Thank you everyone for the advice. Its not really cheating, maybe that happened. I don't know or care. It was emotional abuse and being put down and made to feel worhtless. I am having a very difficult time getting over the past. My new boyfriend is great. I have talked to him but I am still struggleing and questioning everything....especially love. I really don't have anyone to talk to because one of his behaviors bothers me but he will not stop... I am seeking help around me but it has not worked out too well yet. I want to just let it go and release myself from it!!! Thanks again! Have a great day everyone!!!
  #6  
Old Sep 21, 2012, 05:25 PM
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Leed Leed is offline
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Member Since: Oct 2010
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Can you talk about the behavior that bothers you from your new boyfriend?

It's difficult to recover from emotional abuse. Your self-esteem is in the pits, and like you said, you feel worthless. It would be to your advantage to tell your boyfriend about how you were treated by your ex, so he would be more careful about NOT saying hurtful things or NOT criticize you for silly, non-important things. If you think your new boyfriend is being emotionally abusive, then I'd recommend cutting this short. It won't get better at ALL. Look for someone who doesn't have this character "trait."

BEst of luck and PLEASE let us know what happens, will you? We do care about you. Hugs, Lee
__________________
The truth shall set you free but first it will make you miserable..........................................Garfield
Thanks for this!
kris0220
  #7  
Old Sep 21, 2012, 08:49 PM
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kris0220 kris0220 is offline
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Member Since: Sep 2012
Location: Mountain Top PA
Posts: 13
Hello again... My boyfriend is wonderful and takes care of me. He does things that remind me of my ex. He is talking to his ex-girlfriend and they have a connection I don't have with anyone. She lives states away. I talk to him about it and he just says they are just friends. I am so down and confused about myself. I feel like I have noone to turn to or trust. This is so difficult and tiring... I am lost, broken, confused... One of the hardest things: I know I have a great life, three wonderful children... but I cannot enjoy it. I try my best not to show it but I have alot bottled up. Thank you for listening Have a great night!
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