If someone could help me figure this out, I would very much appreciate it.

It seems, all my life people have treated me badly and did not want to be around me. Granted, I am not a lot of fun or particularly good looking but I do try.

I have had bosses who were verbally abusive and abusive regarding work load. After months of abuse, I yelled at them "how could you treat me like this?" Now, I am unemployable as they give me negative references when I did great work for them for years. The work load would have required me to be there 7 days a week. My coworkers were unfriendly and appeared to be encouraged to be like that. Management favored bullies.

Some people from the office have tried to contact me to see if I am alright. But, I told them to go away. I want nothing to do with the place. There were not the nicest people either. The bullying was so bad that I have developed a form of PTSD that will not go away. I was not in a financial position to quit the job.

So my question is, how do I handle this in the future? This is a recurring pattern in my life. Advice that I have read says to just shrug off the bullying and to laugh about it with the bully. I was raised to fight back verbally. That strategy has not worked. I have also tried no responding to the bully but after a while developed anxiety, sleep problems and PTSD. I have written off all people who have mistreated me to protect myself but have no friends and am afraid to try to make new ones. I am not able to trust people anymore and do not even enjoy the company of others much. I don't want to be bullied anymore. But, I need to learn from my past and all I am doing is closing myself off from others. I need to relearn how to enjoy the company of others. Help.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. I know it's awful to be bullied all your life, so you have to learn how NOT to be bullied. You have to take your power BACK -- it seems that somewhere along the line you gave your power away.

You need the help of a therapist to learn how to take the power back from everyone who walks all over you, from the people who bully you, from the people who take advantage of you, etc. I had that trouble too for a lot of years. It seemed that I had "Walk all over me" tattooed on my forehead!!! I seemed to draw people like that to me, and they definitely took advantage of the situation.

My therapist helped me get my power back by building up my self-esteem and letting me know that I'm better than that. She showed me that I don't have to lay on the floor and be a door mat -- that I'm just as GOOD at anyone else -- even my bosses who were trying to "ease me out of my job" -- and I ended up suing them and I won!!!

So talk to your medical doctor and have him refer you to a good therapist. Then you can start sessions as soon as possible, which will get you feeliing much BETTER as soon as possible!!

Best of luck and please keep us posted, okay? Hugs, Lee

I really don't know what good more therapy will do. The bullying sometimes triggers anxiety / panic attacks that I don't have control over. They also trigger aspects of my PTSD where I am unable to answer back to those who are verbally abusing me. I am like a deer in headlights when being verbally attacked. Often, I am not able to say anything. I have had lots of therapy with not so good results. I really don't want any more therapy. I want to spend what little money I have on other things. I am in my mid-50s and have never owned a car or travelled much. Therapy has not made my life much better. My MD refers me to therapists who have no time for more clients or who do not want my case. I have been turned down by therapists. I have been told they cannot help me. The ones who claim to be able to help me, have not. They just wasted my time and took my money.

Hi unhappyguy

I understand. I have been bullied a lot in my life (being a lesbian with mental problems from a 'strange' family). I also have variants of PTSD from it. My jobs in the past have caused me a great deal of stress, one in particular in which the boss was extremely abusive. Leaving the job could have been the best thing you've done. Is there any way you can get unemployment insurance as you prospect new means of income?

As far as dealing with bullying my general coping strategy was to confront and lash out. This always got me into trouble, my anger and frustration would be overwhelming...this only caused further stress and made others meaner. The other option I had was to bottle it and 'suck it up', pretending as if it didn't happen...this caused even further depression in fact to the point of having to take seroquel for awhile for the deep depression I couldn't get out of. How do we stand up for ourselves without 'stirring the pot' , yet not regret it and fall into despair later?

I think one great way to avoid our anger and panic is to first try to talk rationally and honestly to said bully, "look, I understand that you're pressured at this job too, but the way you're treating is really discouraging. It makes me feel uncomfortable." If this honest and kind approach doesn't work , the next step is to contact a human resource representative at the company or a local employment human rights rep., the next step is to gear up to bring in others to help protect ourselves.

Bullies in the workplace are just that, bullies. We all know the old saying that bullies are that way because they have their own issues (low self-esteem) It's true. This has nothing to do with you...the bully at the workplace is trying to control you. Abuse is perpetuated via shame and guilt on your part. If you are feeling shame, sadness, weakness, despair, the bullying has worked. We have to let bullies know they are NOT in control, we need help if necessary. Our anger will only stimulate their desire to affect us in someway (hence why my verbal outlashes have never worked).

I would suggest to keep track of every encounter with said bully that makes you feel abused. This will be evidence of situations in which we are the victim. We can keep direct account of what happened, better also if another person is around so we can hold them accountable. The person doing the abuse will of course argue against all encounters and deny everything. In future jobs, try to ally yourself with everyone you can, this way you have people to 'back you up' further if someone is being abusive, they can speak up for your own integrity.
The counselling and therapy can help with the depression and the PTSD, these are serious, if you have lost faith in therapy you could perhaps try some medications or an alternative form of therapy such as Cognitive Behavioral or DIalectical behavioral which has a great success rate among those with PTSD. (We with BPD believe that we have a longer-term form of PTSD and find great relief from DBT. www.dbtselfhelp.com )Also , I use meditation and yoga for my anxiety.

There are routes you can take as far as compensation and justice regarding psychiatric damage because of abuse. It is important to keep a record of all bullying events, as well as talk with another person (confidante or therapist) about all events as well --this person can also speak for your integrity and see the damage the bully has caused. A human rights advocate can help you...also, many lawyers will give you a free consulation phone if you need legal advice, there are also many helplines for victims of bullying and they can help you find resources.

Doing all these things and having the bully brought to justice often doesn't further the bullying but disentigrates it (despite popular belief). It shows that the bully is indeed NOT in control, you are.

[WhiteCruelty]

The abusive behaviour at work is still more complicated than at home cause everybody needs money to live. You can stop an abusive person at home, but at work? I understand you so much, you are not alone. The worse thing about your experience now is how those bad persons have broken your job experience cause this is so important for next interviews. You should search a good way of stopping that. It must be one of your worries, also of recovering yourself.

Fight each day, dont be dissapointed, always there are nice person at world also at work. Search, search, search, each day, each moment.

Hugs.

Thank you Stratocaster and WC. Unfortunately, I did not keep bullying records on the job. I will visit the DBT self help website. I was on unemployment for months and was approved for SSDI. Recently, I landed a temp job and it's going well. There is hope that I will be made permanent. I should find out this week. I continue to suffer from PTSD. I am considering filing a complaint with the attorney general's office. After that, I will contact an attorney. Again, many thanks for your comments.