[faithnhope]

I am 25 years old and I feel like I am loosing my mind. I grew up in and out of foster care when I was child, my mother was diagnosed with schizophrenia before I was born and was never able to care for me and she doesn't know who my father is. I was very imaginative child, also a very lonely one. So I made up a family when I was little and they helped me get through a lot, they comforted me when there was no REAL person to do it. I have always had a lot of imaginary friends that nobody knew about, It was harmless and got me through a lot but they didn't stay harmless because imaginary wasn't good enough I wanted them to be real. At age 16 I spent most of my time on the internet and I met a lady in a chat room that over a 5 year period, I came to really care about, she was my best friend. The problem was I was never honest with her about who I was. I became one of my imaginary friends to this lady she never got to know the real me, and eventually when we wanted to meet in person (she was going to come from the Philippines to meet me) I had to tell her about all the lies I had told and it ruined that friendship, that was devastating to me and her, I didn't think I would ever get through it, but I did, and for a while I put away my imaginary family and friends. I got married and now have 3 children but my husband is gone most of the time and I have gotten very lonely again and then I brought back my imaginary friends, and again have made them real people, my husband and step-daughter (age 12) believe that my imaginary friends are real friends of mine, they have a relationship with them (me online) and they believe these people I made up are real. I feel so guilty, I really want to stop this but I don't know how, and the thought of telling them the truth makes me feel suicidal, I would rather die then them to find out I made these people up. My step-daughter is very close with one of my imaginary friends and it would break her heart to find out it was me all along. I feel like I am going crazy, I spend all day every day thinking about this, it has completely taken over my life. I don't know what to do, or what is wrong with me?

[Leed]

If you really REALLY want to stop this, and don't feel you can tell your family the truth (although that would be the best scenario) why not tell them that your imaginary friends are losing the internet due to financial problems, so they won't be able to stay in touch anymore -- and that they aren't good at writing letters, so that won't work. Just an idea.

Like I said, the truth is always the best answer. But if you choose the other, remember that you usually always get caught in your web of deceit. In telling one lie, you always have to tell another to cover up the first. And so on and so on.

I wish you the very best. I'm sorry you're having such a troubled time. God bless you sweetie. Hugs, Lee

Hi faithnhope - im sorry this situation has become so out of hand. The best thing really is to tell the truth, maybe tell your husband only and explain that you were so lonely and unhappy growing up this was the only thing that helped you through it - if you take the time to properly explain im sure that, as your husband, he will understand. I think its better to stop using the imaginary friends altogether - if you tell yourself you'll only be the imaginary friend of your step daughter you might end up being tempted to maintain contact with your husband as his imaginary friend too and the whole thing will continue to spiral out of control. A word of caution though - if you cease using these imaginary friends of your husband and daughter within a short space of each other they may well become suspicious - even if you say you've tried contacting them yourself and you've heard nothing they may well figure out whats going on. This is why telling just your husband might be the best way to go - you may then feel more confident to tell your step daughter that her imaginary friend has lost their internet access or something along those lines. This hopefully shouldn't be too overwhelming as you would only have had to come clean to your husband. You won't have to make up some sort of excuse for his friend as he will already know whats going on. Another benefit of having him know will be that he'll avoid bringing up the subject of his friend and will help play down the loss of his step-daughters, so that in time the subject will be forgotten and you can all move on with things. I hope ive been of some help. I wish you all the best.

[valyn9]

Originally Posted by bb2023

Hi faithnhope - im sorry this situation has become so out of hand. The best thing really is to tell the truth, maybe tell your husband only and explain that you were so lonely and unhappy growing up this was the only thing that helped you through it - if you take the time to properly explain im sure that, as your husband, he will understand.

Mhm!

It's unfortunate that what you made to cope with loneliness is probably now a source of it. I know how powerful loneliness can be. ... I'm sorry. I hope you will trust your family. Trust and loneliness are opposites you know? They do not thrive together.

[faithnhope]

Thank you all very much for your input. I am currently trying to figure out how I am going to talk to my husband about this, I know he will always love me no matter what but I do not think he will be able to understand this (as I don't even fully understand this myself). I am so afraid that even though he will forgive me, he will not be able to trust me anymore, and he has never known me to have any problems at all ever, I hate to change that now. I know it is what I have to do, but it is so very hard, I am so afraid of getting a label or people thinking of me differently (like I am crazy or something) and mostly I am afraid of being compared to my mom, because I know I am nothing like her. I have been praying for God to give me the strength and courage I need to do this all week, it's SO hard...

Hey Faith,

Sounds to me like this is an alternative way to cope. You learned this as a young one and it worked, so during hard times it is natural we cope the only ways we know how. I would suggest telling the truth...there is nothing wrong with how you cope, it is all you've known! I would suggest to try and research different coping strategies and to talk with your husband, who will most likely be understanding considering the stressful times in your life.

If you're afraid to do this, is counselling an option? A counsellor could help you cope with your current stressful feelings right now and reassure you that you are indeed not 'crazy'. A third party professional may be able to help you to talk with your husband about this...They may also help you to find NEW coping strategies in times of pain and stress. You could also bring your hubby in if you feel you're having a hard time confronting the subject.

It is sometimes helpful to have an objective person with knowledge who can help us out. There's no shame in that. Just know that you're not a bad person..you simply got caught up in your coping strategies. I say it is better to put an end to it before everyone becomes deeper involved, though.

Telling the truth IS hard...it's one of the hardest things to do...wishing you the best.