[acceber8]

So here's the deal; 18 months ago my partner and I moved cities, far enough away to not be able to visit old friends and family frequently, but we still holiday back there around 4 times a year to see everybody.

Since the move, we've only made one real friend. We were hoping through her we might meet more people and become part of a social group, but it's not really worked. Her friends are very "clique-y" and even 18 months later if we bump into them there's never anything more than a mere "hello". I even invited said friends around ours at first frequently, we went on nights out together and shared interests, but after months of this we were still seen as outsiders and felt pretty rejected.

I attend a charity-run project twice a week, for people with mental illness, and whilst it helps a lot with the loneliness of not having friends near, everyone is pretty busy with their own lives so making friends with them outside of the project would be difficult.

Me and my partner are just in a really awkward situation. We want to make friends, but having been "knocked back" so bad at first our confidence is shaken, and then there's the issue of me having mental illness and it really being an elephant in the room with any new people we meet.

So does anyone have any tips or advice? Whether it's for meeting new people being in the situation we are, or tackling the loneliness? It gets pretty crippling sometimes as I'm a naturally sociable and friendly person, and I just don't want it to spoil our lives here

[Travelinglady]

Do you have any interests you can use to meet people--or even develop new interests? You do need to get out where people are. And do you have to tell them about the mental illness?

Find out about clubs and organizations in the area, too, and see about getting involved in one or more of them. Maybe even do some volunteer work.....

[Bella01]

I think that making people aware of the mental health issues scares people. I have dealt with the issue of letting people know about my mental health issues and they seem to back away from me.

Try going on meetup.com and fine a group that interest you. I've had great luck with doing that.

[NWgirl2013]

I am with Payne, why mention such a personal thing as your mental health? To me, that is Not the 1st (or 10th thing for that matter) that I want to learn about a new friend. Intimate details are for way down the road with couple friends. There is more to you as a couple than mental issues, right?

Someone mentioned MeetUps, something we have in the states in most cities, but you have Oxford! There must be many lovely things going on that you could get involved in. Find hobbies in common where other couples are likely to be. I met some great people at a cooking class & a whole different group at a volunteer post.

I understand this as my spouse has issues making friends at all. I need them/want them, he makes it hard. But I press on...
Good things are on the way, just be open to them...

[acceber8]

Thanks everyone You have definitely given me a new perspective, I guess because I "hid" having any kind of issues, including my mental illness from everyone for years I have this feeling that I have to be open with everyone, but you're right it's a personal thing and it doesn't define me/us The only awkward moment is when people ask what I do for a living, as it's typically one of the first questions people ask, it's hard to just say "oh I don't work" and not give a reason.. any advice there? :/

We do have a fair few different interests between us, I'll definitely try out the website and look online for local couples events, people are quite clique-ish in general round Oxford but if I can find events that are based around meetings other people it may be the way to go Thankyou guys, I am feeling more positive about approaching this now

[NWgirl2013]

I'm glad it helped. I don't work either. I am so far passed explaining anything to anyone, if I don't feel like it. (I may be cranky this morning, if I sound so, please forgive me, I didn't sleep)
In conversation I have learned that people Love to talk about themselves. And the art of really listening to them is something I practice now. If you cue in on them, ask them questions about what they are saying, people will think you're brilliant.(!) I think of conversation as an art. And I practice being interesting, especially when I don't feel very...
I am also blessed with a sense of humor, in person. I try to find the fun whatever I do. I would try out my cracking wit here, but it never seems to work in print; I sound like a smartass.
But I do talk about what I am doing, volunteering, gardening, ancestry searches, cooking new things. There are so many more interesting things to talk about than work. Really!
I am young enough to be working, but I say I am one of the blessed who doesn't have to right now.
And that is All I say...and flash my brilliant smile