[standongrace]

Have you ever been in a position of recognizing a disorder in a friend and feeling compelled to tell them about it before he/she ruined their life because of it? How did you go about telling them gracefully and with love?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by standongrace

Have you ever been in a position of recognizing a disorder in a friend and feeling compelled to tell them about it before he/she ruined their life because of it? How did you go about telling them gracefully and with love?

No, but I have been on the receiving end of it and NOTHING had ever helped until I realized what situation I put myself in myself. Lots of friends tried to help. Nothing happened.

It may be part of my particular disorder:

Self-defeating personality disorder is:

...
rejects or renders ineffective the attempts of others to help him or her
Self-defeating personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

So I do not know how effective you would be with a friend who has a different disorder. But with mine, many many attempts of many caring, benevolent people over many years yielded absolutely no practical value, until I was able to help myself. Just nothing. All the attempts were futile.

["Tilly may"]

I have tried to gently help my sister, who I believe has a mental disorder. She is in denial and wont listen to me. I dont know how to help her and it is very sad. She refuses to believe that she has a problem.

[tinyrabbit]

It's hard to answer without knowing what kind of disorder you think she has.

[Leed]

Hi "Standongrace" ~ Yes, my very BEST friend was suffering from depression, and we'd known each other since we were both 4 yrs old - I just plain said "It sure sounds and looks to me like you have depression!"

A lot depends on how CLOSE a friend you are. A friend can be an acquaintance, a 'good' friend or your BEST friend. If it's your best friend, you can say just about anything to him/her and they'll 'take' it.

My best friend realized she was depressed, but at the time didn't have the finances to do anything about it. And I wasn't in a position either to help her, or I would have. I'd helped in the past, but this time I just couldn't.

Then there are the friends who think you're 'all wet.' They don't recognize they're sick and/or may be ashamed to admit they have a mental illness. Those are difficult, if not impossible to convince to get help. And THEN there are those who won't recognize the mental health system AT ALL.

My friend eventually did get some help, with an antidepressant. Unfortunately she wasn't on it that long, when she died.

I wish YOU the best of luck with your friend. I hope she gets help before she does ruin her life. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[shezbut]

standongrace,

I do agree with Lee and tinyrabbit. There are several unknown factors that make this a difficult Q for me to answer.

Sometimes, a little education can be a dangerous thing. It's one thing if you have personal experience with the mental disorder in Q. If you're simply basing your opinion on an article you read or movie, that's when the best advice would be to tread lightly. Maybe you are right, and your friend does need help for the disorder in question...it would come across the best if you have personal experience, a lot of education on the subject, and a good relationship with your friend. That's when he/she would be most likely to be open to your concerns, if presented in a knowledgeable and understanding way.

Hope that helps ~ best wishes to you & your friend!

[standongrace]

Thank you, everyone. Your advice was helpful despite my not revealing the disorder my friend has struggled with.

I told my friend my thoughts over the weekend and she handled it very, very well. She never had a name for it before, but she has recognized her weaknesses and tried to improve on them over the course of her life (something I didn't know before I talked to her about it), and I think having a name for it helped her a lot. So I am very relieved it went so well, and glad I said something to her despite my worries that she would take it wrong.