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#1
Jun 06, 2006, 12:04 PM
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Hi everyone.
When I first found these forums, I was depressed because I had issues with my boyfriend. I was having extrememe sexual difficulty and our relationship was suffering. I have since found a home here at the forums, we broke up and I haven't been with anyone since. That was over a year and a half ago. This man has been the love of my life since I was 14. I am now 27. Finally getting him back was a dream come true, and I lost him due to my alcoholism. What happened since loosing him was I realized I had a problem and have now been sober for 13 months. Last weekend we took a little road trip being the best of friends now, and drove straight back to town to the ER where I was diagnosed with MS. He has been there every step of the way, lending support, friendship and much needed company, staying with me a bunch of the nights because there was a possibility the medication they gave me could make me nuts. Everything was platonic until Thursday night....when we woke up in the middle of the night and were intimate. Wow...he was my last intimate encounter drunk, and my first sober...it couldn't have been anyone else. The intimacy actually helped me feel better and I looked up how intimacy can be healing for us...so we joke now that he's my "sex therapist" haha. We had a talk the other night, about what does this mean etc etc. It's beautiful that we can be open and honest...we're going to take it as it comes and see what happens. This was the first time I can remember being intimate because I wanted to..I've done a lot of work on my resentment at sex through working the program to stay sober, and I have to say it has worked wonders!! I was able to just enjoy it and enjoy him. Now I'll be on a journey to see what this means for us. Will we get back together? We don't know....have a lot to think about, a lot to consider. Will he want to be with someone who's sick? He loves me, I know that but I feel like this is a lot to ask. So what do I do when I'm unsure of something? Ask for the next right thought or action, and bring it to the table here. =) What do you all think?
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#2
Jun 06, 2006, 01:36 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Will he want to be with someone who's sick? </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Hasn't he been "with someone who's sick" all along?  Rayna, you have won my respect for you watching you go through this part of your journey. I truly admire you. Your wisdom touches my heart. Have faith in yourself for that next step. How wonderful for you that the intimacy was healing for you! 
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Psalm 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. |
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#3
Jun 06, 2006, 01:39 PM
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One day at a time hon. Let things go slowly with him. It does sound like he still loves you and is very willing to be with you having ms. alot of people have long lives with ms and you will too. you just need to have the faith and not dwell on it! you are doing great!! keep doing what you are doing hon! One day at a time!
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He who angers you controls you! |
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#4
Jun 06, 2006, 01:42 PM
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I don't really know what to say ... I can echo Tomi though .. I have much respect for you.
I wish you nothing but the very best!
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 Crying isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of having tried too hard to be strong for too long. |
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#5
Jun 06, 2006, 07:59 PM
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This is wonderful, Rayna. I'm very happy for you.
To be open and honest at this point is very important. And I'm sure it is quite a blessing, too! Ya know, I don't think there's anyone on this planet who isn't "sick" or who doesn't have something wrong with them. Personally, I think it's just that we're the ones who are willing to get help...which means we are dxed as being "sick" and all that. Just a little secret...I think you're wonderful!
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"When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it." -Bernard Bailey |
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#6
Jun 06, 2006, 08:48 PM
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The most important person and thing you must consider first is yourself and your health. With alcohoism it will continue to be an uphill battle with good and bad days and with that you must have stability in your life. You must be honest with yourself and realize what is it that you really need and handle in your life right now. To be in a relationship people must be whole with themselves first, so many people mistankenly go into a relationship believing that a relationship will make them whole. You need physical and emotional stability in your life right now and I feel you must be open and honest with him and ask him if he's ready to be in a committed relationship with you. May I ask you what type of partner he was before you guys broke up? How was he involved in your alcohlism? Did you seek out professional help in treating the alcoholism? When you say that you will simply take things as it comes, do you undestand these words? In relationships there are hopes, dreams and expectations. When you say these words are you meaning that you will simply take whatever he gives you? What about telling him what is it that you believe you deserve in a relationship and friendship and if he's willing to give you what you need in your life right then, thats great. What is it that you're unsure of? Are you unsure that he will not give you the support you need and would only hang around for the good times but would disappear when bad times come around the corner? No it would not be alot to ask for support and a companion in a relationship. The truth is that not everyone is ready to handle certain things in life such as cancer, heavy debts, and illness. If you were to meet someone who is not ready to be a supportive partener with you then this person is not meant to be for you and you are deserving to meet someone who can and will want to be there for you. If someone is not ready to be that supportive partner in your life, it has nothing to do with you. It simply saids that the person is not simply ready. So most importantly, be proud of yourself that you've conquer the first steps of the alcoholism and because it will be an ongoing process of dealing with this you must be reasonable with yourself.
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#7
Jun 07, 2006, 11:42 AM
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Well we don't know one another yet as I have been awol from pc for abit but what I read here you are a person I certainly can admire..
I also have MS and was dx'd and sic with it long before and my man still stayed with me knowing full well what it could mean.. It hasn't been easy but it sure is eye opening .. I hope that the man you love, who it appears also loves you, will stick to your side. Sorry about the MS diagnosis, a real pain if there ever is one.. ever need to talk please feel free to pm me I do have one good shoulder to cry upon and two great eyes and ears to vent to... take care and I sure wish am going to pray that your life continues to flow smoothly.. Linda |
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