[hartbroken]

She and I have been together for over 3 years. I've got the diagnosis that makes me disabled and not feeling good very often: schizoaffective. She's divorced and her ex husband has a lot of drama issues, and let's my girlfriend know about them.. she needs to draw stricter boundaries with him; her daughter married and man 37 years older than her she met on the internet. They're moving to Vegas and won't speak to her mother.

The pressure is on, and I told her once I'd always be there for her. So I want to be there for her. And I will. But I need space and boundaries, too. She squeezes me and squashes me. But I put up with it because I love her.

She needs to know there's someone there to love her. Right now her world is falling apart because of her daughter not speaking to her.

My illness makes it difficult to work, let alone provide income to marry each other and survive. It's getting boring on the phone for both of us, yet with tension.. we both say nothing for minutes on end.

I love her, and she loves me. We'll survive. But we need words of encouragement. I know I do.

[mazing]

It seems like you are doing everything you can to support her during this hard time and that really should be praised. I can tell you really care for her.

Have you tried talking to her about how you are feeling? I know it isn't easy to have those conversations and it is a tense time but usually leaving them doesn't help the situation. She is going through a lot and you are right that you need to be gentle but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have your needs be met and need to 'put up with it'.

I really hope you can work it out

[hartbroken]

last night I told her gently that she needed to draw boundaries with her ex. And she did text him saying that. He got upset and texted back with a bunch of empty drama.

I'm afraid of saying 'I need space'. I think this disorder of mine makes it really appealing to be single in a sense that I have a lot of time to myself to let mind relax and unwind. It's a touchy spot. I need to see exactly how much time I want to spend on myself before I go asking for the time.

Thanks for your input.

[mazing]

That is a really good place to start Don't get me wrong - I wasn't saying necessarily asking for time apart, but working out your boundaries for the relationship and making sure they are known by her so that she can respect them.

It really looks like you are doing all you can

[shezbut]

hartbroken,

I agree with determining exactly what kind of space you need before bringing it up to your gf. Being vague with a simple remark like "needing more space" is very likely to put her and you into a tailspin.

Maybe you need a day or two alone per week, or a pattern of days from 10-3 you've got space. Whatever ~ come up with a plan that you really need and then you can approach your gf about the issue.

Best wishes to you and your gf!