[Chortle]

I feel like my best friend and I don't talk to each other like we used to.

Well here's the story. I'll try not to make it too long.

I met my best friend online about 4 years ago. Back then, we had so much in common. Our lives were pretty much the same, we had so many similar interests, we think alike, we would finish each others sentences, like it happens so frequently that it wasn't even a coincidence anymore. Our conversations would look like spam to normal people, and they would think we're crazy, and we were!

As we got older, we became more mature and started to focus more on our future and careers. We've grown to really love and support each other through everything. Never once have we fought with each other because we just get along so well.

About 6 months ago, I dropped out of college because I couldn't keep up with the program and my GPA was too low, so that's when the depression started to develop. I told my best friend about my situation, and she was super understanding and respectful, but as the weeks went by, it became harder and harder for me to talk to anyone because I felt so bad about myself. I feel like I can't talk to her about anything except for the damn depression that's taking over my life, and I don't wanna do that. I don't want to throw all of my sadness, hopelessness, low self-esteem, loserness, etc...in her face.

We still talk to each other, but only for 5 minutes or less...and in periods of 1-2 months... It sucks. I'm a terrible friend. D:

[Confusedinomicon]

Are you seeing a therapist or looking to see a doctor?

Have you looked into volunteer work? A part time job?

The worst thing you can do is sit on these emotions and let them fester and become bigger. It's good to ask for help.

I think depression does that to the best of us. I stopped talking to my friends for a month. Luckily I have a SO who has seen me through these depressions and pulled my head out of my a.s.s. If I didn't have him, I'd want to have a reliable therapist. Don't be afraid to look for help.

[Scotty204]

Depression often causes us to push people away and sometimes it damages relationships... It could also be that some people don't fully understand depression and get turned off so to speak. I know how it is I had a bad bout of it when I was in high school and it always hangs around. The trick is to keep yourself busy and to have someone there to keep you on track

As Scotty said, some people don't understand depression and may be turned off because they don't know how to deal with it. I don't know if from what you've said, that I can get that she is doing that. From what I hear, it mostly sounds like your end of things, and I am not blaming you, I'm saying it's the depression affecting how much you are able to talk to her. Not only is it hard for you to talk about anything but the depression but you're refraining from talking to her because you don't want to unload on her, so I wonder if maybe it's just you've backed off and are assuming that she doesn't need or want to talk you as much. I know when I'm down and depressed or feeling negative I make a heck of a lot of assumptions about other people and many many times, I'm wrong in the end about what they were doing.

Here's another way to look at it. She may not know what to say to you first off, but also, you seem to be hesitant to talk to her about your problems and since the depression has taken over so much of your thoughts, you have nothing else to talk to her about. It could be a couple of things. If you're worried about why she doesn't contact you as much, since you may not be contacting her as often as you'd like, she may be unsure if she should respect your isolation. She may not know that you'd welcome her coming to you and seeing how you're doing. Maybe she does care but doesn't know how to pursue communication with you. I think as well as you've gotten along all the years, that it's doubtful that she's written you off or your relationship is tanking.

I think maybe a good talk with her telling her exactly what you've said her about not wanting to dump on her, and burdening her with your problems all the time might help. Tell her that it's just that it's taken over your life and it's hard for you to talk to her right now. Maybe you'll find out that she just hasn't known what to do an this might break the silence between you two. Heck you might find out she's been waiting for you to just ask for her support!

My heart goes out to you, depression is hard. I hope this helps
*hugs*