[isarenever]

Hi. I wasn't too sure which forum to post this in. So here I go. I am bipolar 2, borderline pd. I am on permanent disability for these things. My husband and I have been together for almost 15 years. We have a 4 year old son. My husband has always dreamed of going to law school and becoming a lawyer. Two semesters ago he began a simple 2 year program at our local junior college in order to get some type of regular income. Up to this point I have been moderately to severely sick. Only recently (within the last year) have I been properly medicated and functioning well. But within the passes 10+ years of him working retail jobs, while I was not medicated, he would end his employment due to my inability to be alone or my general level of mental health being so poor. Now having gotten into this program a little longer it is now a very real possibility that he will have the opportunity to go to law school within the next 3 years. I am petrified. I truly want him to be able to do this. He has always wanted it. But he is my sole support for mental health. He will be gone at school 5 days a week most of the day and then studying the rest of the days. It is intense. I've never been away from him so much. The thought of this along with him then following school working as a lawyert and keeping lawyer hours is bringing me to tears regularly.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I know it sounds selfish of me but I don't have anyone else and this scares me to death. I can't tell him please don't do what you've dreamt all your life to do so that I don't go crazy and have a break down. Worst part, depending on your view, is that he sees how its hurting me and is telling me he wont do it. I need help to figure this out.

((((Isarenever)))) first, i think it is great that you reached out here. There are lots of tertific, supportive people. And also congratulations to your H for following his dreams to attend law school!

Do you have a T that you can speak with on a regular basis to discuss your fears and the transitions you are anticipating?

I understand your concerns regarding your challenges as well as your relationship and your fears are valid. Change is hard for many of us.

It sounds as if you love, respect and care for each other very much.

Speaking from experience, law school is very demanding and definitely tests any relationship. Many law schools even provide couples counseling to help get through some of the rough times / changes and challenges. You can do it! You sound very strong and caring.

Probably, the best thing to do now is to start focusing on these fears and concerns with your T so s/he can help give you the tools for success

Best wishes to you and your family...
Rose

[Leed]

Hello ! I totally understand your fear. And I do agree that you should talk with your therapist about ALL your fears and thoughts about his going to law school because it IS going to be a huge change for you and you WILL be alone a good share of the time. So make sure you tell the therapist everything that you're afraid of.

Do you have any friends that you could get together with occasionally? Perhaps in time you could start a group of "hopeful lawyer" wives and get together a couple of times a week.

I wish you the very best and I hope you keep us posted as to what happens. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Jan1212]

Well his income would increase triple-fold. Plan things to do every weekend to have something to look forward to. And think of a better life for your child. Text sometimes. My fiancé works full time I go to school full time and work pt. I have it very hard as well and so does he. I need reminders of what th outcomes will be. And reassurance it drives him nuts. I write and journal a lot. Writing from my other device

[Trippin2.0]

I agree with the others, they've given you sound advice. I'm also dxd bipolar and bpd, I work fulltime tho. Change and loneliness are hard bitter pills to swallow. If you start working toward transioning now, you will have very good tools in your mental toolbox to make use of in 3yrs time. You need to learn how to be your own care-giver now, and thats ok, coz your husband will still be there in times of needcheck out our bipolar forum for some ideas on coping methods,we're a friendly bunch. Goodluck