[krissy702001]

I have been divorced for 2 1/2 yrs now. I was married for 20 yrs. I have not dated. I started talking on fb to this guy from my hometown who is divorced from his wife after after a long marriage. We are now texting every day.

Background: I have major depression and GAD, a csa survivor, and abandonment issues. I know that I am so lonely and just wanting someone so badly. I am already falling for him. I know the problem is me. I am getting all wrapped up in him. I am so afraid of getting my heart broken. I don't know if I could handle that. I just don't know how to step back from these feelings. I know it is not a real world relationship. I feel so foolish getting so invested already. I just want clinch on and not let him go, but I don't want to scare him with my neediness.

I just need help on how to step back and stay in the present and just enjoy it is for what it is today.

Krissy

[Leed]

Have you even met with this guy yet? If not, you really DO have to back off, and take this very slowly. You don't want to rebound, and like you said, get your heart broken.

If you and this guy are talking about love & serious issues, perhaps you should tell him that you want to take this VERY slowly because you don't want to get hurt. You HAVE to be open and honest with him. He'll probably say he'd NEVER hurt you, but you must tell him that after being in a long-term marriage, you were hurt very badly and you have to protect yourself from being hurt again, no matter WHO it is. Tell him you just want to take things slowly. Then after a time, you will need to tell him of your issues, i.e. Depression. GAD, abandonment and csa survivor. You don't need to tell him now, cause from the sounds of it, you haven't even MET him yet. So wait until you see where this is going before you tell him of these.

But be open enough to tell him about wanting to take things slowly and not wanting to jump into anything due to your fear of being hurt. Be very careful, because people on FB will say anything -- and if you DO decide to meet him, make sure it's in a PUBLIC place!!! He might not be safe.

I wish you the very best. Please take care of yourself. I do understand depression very well, having suffered it since I was a small child. So be careful. God bless & keep us posted, ok? Hugs, Lee

[cat333]

Could you maybe decide for yourself that you are going to stop pursuing him and let him do all the work by pursuing you? Then you can see for yourself if he is what you really want...how hard is he going to work to win you over? It may seem selfish, but really it isn't...it's kind of old fashioned. It might be worth a try.

[Odee]

I'm young and I have never been married but something like this would sound like a 'crush' to me. It's so easy to get wrapped up in someone new, and you never know if the feeling is mutual. If you believe that letting him pursue you would be the best option, you may end up giving the wrong signal to a guy that could have been interested.

Maybe ask him if he's interested in meeting up, and interested perhaps in a date.

Originally Posted by krissy702001

. I know it is not a real world relationship.

Of course I don't disagree in your situation it may be a good idea to try and take a step back for many reasons. I also know when you're "wrapped up" in another person that's almost impossible to do sometimes. You'll have to work hard and force yourself to if you think that's what you should do.

Now to address what I quoted. Don't for a second think that an online relationship isn't a real world one. In many ways, there are deeper conversations and more inner thoughts and feelings that are shared since there is nothing but conversation there, no physical activity, no real dates going on, just chat. In many ways, you can get to know certain parts of a person faster online because of the nature of chat. To me, online relationships can potentially draw a person in more intensely because you really get to hear their thoughts and feelings if you talk to this person a lot. I'm not about to say it's better or worse, but that it's different and this could be why you're falling for him so fast. You're left to your own imagination when it comes to all the other stuff and you can build a fantasy around this person's personality that you're learning about.

I don't think it's a bad thing if you're growing closer to him, but even if it works out, stepping back, taking a break is still a good thing at this point.
*hugs*