[hurtingheart]

I am engaged to be married later this year. During a really rough patch, I slept with my ex-boyfriend one time. It was just the one time, and I immediately cut all ties with him afterwards. I know that if I tell my fiance, he will leave me. But he doesn't deserve to be treated like that. I can't bear the thought of losign him. What should I do? Should I tell him? Should I just forget about it? It was only the one time, and it will never happen again. My ex-boyfriend kept asking me to be with him one last time, and I kept saying no, but one day when I went over to his house to talk to him, I was upset about some things and was feeling very depressed and overhwelmed with all the wedding plans and school and church responsibilities, etc. I am not saying this is an excuse in ANY way. My defenses were down, and I did something stupid, and I am paying for it emotionally everyday. Please help me!!! I don't know what to do.

[curlyq]

Sounds like you really regret what you did. I wonder what was bothering you so much that you decided to do that? I know you already are feeling bad enough and that you know you did something that could ruin the relationship. I don't know much else to say on it that you probably haven't already thought of. Sorry you are having such a hard time of it. You might want to try and see a counselor about it because it might help you to resolve this. I don't want to judge and believe me many people have done the same thing and felt horrible, too. Hope you will post here some more.

<font color=purple>"Shared joy is double joy; Shared sorrow is half-sorrow." Swedish Proverb</font color=purple>

[babygirl]

I'm sure you love your fiance, but by your actions, maybe it's an unconcious sign that you need to wait a while longer before getting married. You probably aren't ready yet. Everyone makes mistakes, and you should tell your fiance some day, honesty, even when it hurts, is better than lying. Good luck, and hold off on that marriage for a while until your better prepared.

[kitty]

Don't tell him. As babygirl said, either you are not ready for marriage and maybe did this as way out or you were just acting on impulse. Either way, telling your fiance' will just hurt him and satisfy your need to disclose to reduce your guilt. Tell a therapist so you can talk about it and figure out if this was just an error in judgment or if you really don't want to get married. However, telling him will be satisfying your own needs and will hurt him.

[hurtingheart]

My fiance and I are both going to school to be music ministers. Being in the position of ministry is like living in a fishbowl. Everybody watches all of your actions. And I guess it was my way of rebelling against it. It was not out of a lack of love for my fiance. Nor a matter of being ready to marry him. At the time that it happened, everything seemed to be going wrong in my life, and I guess I just reacted to it. Not to say that this is an excuse for what I did. I just keep thinking would I want him to tell me if he did the same thing? And the answer I come up with is yes, but not right away. I will probably tell him down the road some time, but not now. And yes, I feel absolutely terrible for what I did. But there is no way that I can hurt him like that. I love him too much. I wish I could express how much this has hurt me. And how much my heart cries everyday over this.

[curlyq]

Well, feel free to keep writing here and talking about it. It's a good place to do so. I know how bad the guilt eats at a person. Been there, too. Hope you'll keep writing. Most of us make choices we regret in life and what's done is done. I've found in these instances it's helped me to pray and ask for guidance and help matters like this. I've been doing it lately, too. I'm also going to see a new counselor too for support and help. I hope you'll keep coming back and reading and posting. You are very welcome here and you are a worthwhile person even if you feel badly now.

<font color=purple>"Shared joy is double joy; Shared sorrow is half-sorrow." Swedish Proverb</font color=purple>