[ilovemyfluffycat80]

Hi. I have a question and I think that this is the right place to ask it, if it isn't, could it be reposted in the right thread? Anyways, my older brother and I had extremely traumatic childhoods, and I healed from it (with therapy) but my brother seems to have coping issues. He is overall successful in his career, and was deemed very intelligent (prodigy) when he was a child.

However, he is also vindictive, manipulative, and calls me and our parents names. Normally he is a people person, and people usually adore him. But lately he has gotten worse and has taken to insulting me in public to create scenes in restaurants and grocery stores. he has even started insulting strangers: "Look at that thick *****". He has gotten worse towards our parents: "Why are you wearing that? go put on something different!". He tries to control me: "If I tell you to have a drink (alcohol), then you will". And he even took our mom's car and sped it to 85MPH just to terrify us. On his fiance's birthday, he gave her a weight scale (she's skinny).

I feel that the name calling is detrimental to my well-being and I have confronted him about it. When I try to avoid vacations/family events with him he makes me feel guilty: "You know, sometimes I feel like you just don't care about me". We have told him to get therapy, but he declines. He says he is "perfect".

How do I avoid vacations and manipulative conversations while still being there for him? How do I speak to him without allowing him to take control of the conversation? And does anyone have any idea what's wrong with him?

[jaded67]

Sounds to me like he has some major personal problems and he needs help. He has to admit he has a problem to get help, but, you shouldn't put up with this type of abuse.

[layla11]

Hi Ilovemyfluffycat, does your brother drink? His behavior sounds like he might have a drinking problem. Im sorry to hear you have to be in the middle of this.

[ilovemyfluffycat80]

He drinks socially, but I don't think that's a major issue. He is just so bitter and resentful (maybe because of the traumatic childhood?). His behavior has gotten worse lately, but, come to think of it, he has always called me and the rest of our family names, the worst part is that I always looked up to him...so I believed what he said. I wonder if he feels he has the right to act that way. The behavior I described earlier is just a few of his bad moments. Recently he even made a grab at my steering wheel while I was driving, and yet another time he blocked my car in a cul-di-sac with his car. And he almost got kicked out of a public venue because the manager said: "You cannot go around verbally abusing people". I just don't know how far my loyalty to him is supposed to go.

[katya093]

you know if i were you
i would just call him out on it
when he calls you names in public be like
" dude that wasn't cool"
or just be more blunt with it
" dude what the **** is your problem ? thinking you can call me out like that ?
you need help "

we all have **** in our past , and its all now water under the bridge . If he cant get over it or is having a hard time just tell him once and
let it be .
live your life and let him figure it out . its not your problem its his .

also don't consistently say
:" why not get some help ?"
say it once andbe done .
if he gets help and doesnt want it , it will be a waste of time . he has to want it

[layla11]

Hi, someones probably going to call him out on it one day. What do your parents say about it? He definately needs help.

Your brother sounds like mine only he has schizophrenia and has done so for years, How old is your brother?

Reading this sounds so much like my brother, My brother is now 46, I would try and urge him to see a therapist or his doctor