[Mimiteedy]

Ahhhhh.. My BPD is driving my husband and I insane. I feel so bad that he has to put up with me.. But I am so thankful that he does. Of course, today was a good day and its possible that tomorrow I could despise him. I never yell at him when I'm irritated.. But I'll do little jabs here and there and I'm starting to notice. I don't want to ruin our marriage because of my moods. Anyone else in similar situations??

[shezbut]

Mimiteedy,

A better place to have posted this Q probably would have been the BPD (in personality disorders) Forum. Just to get more insight from those who can relate. FYI, for next time I guess.

There are several people in the BPD forum who are married, and have been for years. That's encouraging! Personally, I was married for (I think) 17 years. My ex held in all of his frustrations though. And I have a sick pattern of emotionally shutting down when I'm actually needing a shoulder or reassurance. I push away ~ then feel angry towards him for not seeing through my charade. Freaking stupid!!

I kick myself, and I still kick him (in my mind) & let little snide remarks out occasionally. Rather than (gasp!!) just being honest. Hopefully, those who've mastered their tendency to control this sick behavior will share their wisdom with you!

Yes and how my friend. I am in an identical situation, but you know what? You are the sunshine on his cloudy day. I hear BPD people are very loving, the best love there is possible. You make his world go round and he would have it no other way beloved. Don't forget that on the cloudy days. You rock his socks! And he wouldn't be so blind to forget it, or else his name wouldn't be "Your husband". It would most certainly be "My Ex" lol. You rock and you know you do. Keep your head up my friend. Yours truly, Lightbulb7

[Suchende]

I'm not married but I have been in this relationship for over one year and the first adjective that comes to my mind when thinking about is is actually "crazy" haha
I know it's hard. For both of us, both of you. He keeps saying that somehow I make him happy as nobody has ever done or could ever do.
Additional thing: mine is a far distance relationship.
I live in Italy, he lives in Australia.
This makes things harder because when I feel like despising him or that I cannot handle the relationship anymore, or feel trapped or feel of being too stressing it wouldn't take me too much to cut me out of his life.
What do I do?
First of all talk.
I am having a bad moment right after telling him how happy he makes me.
I tell him.

I don't actually tell him about the despising moments. But when I have them I force my self to make some reasonments. And I think that I love him. And I think that I need him. Even if it's hard to believe it sometimes I force my self to do it. Because I know that I do love him and do need him, even if I feel a different person everytime.
I ask him about me. Make myself sure I am always the same, I have always been here.
I have noticed that since I am with him, since I feel almost comfortable with telling him my feelings and letting him talking to me and show me things under another perspective I have learned to control this thing more.
I still lose control, but I feel that it's getting better.
Most of all, I know that somehow he exactly knows how to cope with me, what's the right thing to do every moment. Most of all, I know he's worth the effort and that for some reasons he needs me just as much as I need him.

Try considering these things too. Of course, this is not the final solution, and I'm not saying everything will be perfect afterwards. But it's helping me, even if I've been with this person just for 13 months, so i still have a very little experience I guess...

[cac1973]

Originally Posted by lightbulb7

Yes and how my friend. I am in an identical situation, but you know what? You are the sunshine on his cloudy day. I hear BPD people are very loving, the best love there is possible. You make his world go round and he would have it no other way beloved. Don't forget that on the cloudy days. You rock his socks! And he wouldn't be so blind to forget it, or else his name wouldn't be "Your husband". It would most certainly be "My Ex" lol. You rock and you know you do. Keep your head up my friend. Yours truly, Lightbulb7

I love this reply . . . it's so true what you said--I love with all my heart and soul and only another BPD sufferer could understand. I overflow with love and emotion!!

[Bipolar mom]

Originally Posted by cac1973

I love this reply . . . it's so true what you said--I love with all my heart and soul and only another BPD sufferer could understand. I overflow with love and emotion!!

That's a great way to put it! I feel like my emotions are bursting at the seams.

Mimiteedy- I struggle with my moods, and I am always terrified it will ruin my marriage. I just keep reassuring my self that he understands.