Trying to fix my love. I want to last forever please help

well I have been diagnosed with manic depression . I've had a hard life growing up I was raped mutiple times and I never had someone to talk to about all my issues. My first therapist tried to **** me and I was 16. I didn't do it but I did sleep around with alot of guys between 16 and 18. Mostly jerks who where alot older than me. With my darling fiance by my side I have grown but it was hard he can be cold and distant. I'm sad because i've always wanted a man who wanted me for me all the crazy i'm full of someone who loves to have sex because thats how I connect to someone.As of lately his sex drive ughh he only wants it like every other day. I want it everday hell a few times a day. I know he is a faithful man and I always know where he is so no worries he is cheating. So what do I do about that. He is a very distant man even his parents thinks he is but I require love. Alot of it actually I need someone during my outburst and when I can't control my moods. He says I need to learn to just deal on my own and i'm learning but still have this urge and need to want him and I can't control. What do I do?

dang, so you are probably scared for life with the therapy idea ?

It sucks that you tried to reach out and got burned, I can't imagine your ability to trust went unscathed-thus the monitoring of your husband, and while I don't think that is too healthy for a relationship, I don't blame you for it-who exactly in your life have you ever been able to trust?

It is really nice to have someone to vent to. And sexual abuse, any abuse, causes a nasty string of problems for your relationships...no matter who you are with, you will probably recreate this feeling of not being heard, and people who are supposed to love you being cold and distant. The grass might always feel greener to you, and you might end up having to work through some of that trauma you experienced, which is no cake walk for sure!

The mood changes-can you think back to what was going on at the time of your latest one, or one you can remember? I would think just from what you said here, you would be capable of being triggered, just shopping for groceries, for example, and BAM something hits you. Do you feel that applies?

Hang in there, I hope you keep reaching out for support,
Take care,
-obj