[Jenn1fer82]

I couldn't handle it anymore, waiting around to find out what my bf wants in our relationship. We still act like we're in a relationship but we've taken on the status of being on a "BREAK".

I didn't want to leave the relationship completely. I want to fix things, to restore what is left of us, after finding out he was cheating on me. Yes I know, I've heard it all: "once a cheater, always a cheater, I am wasting my time, move on, there is someone better for me, etc"

I did leave him completely but he begged for us to work things out. I told him it'll be a challenge to win back my trust. He ended giving up when my anger kept getting in the way and I drove him to the edge of living in guilt and shame. I backed off and now we're still trying to work things out.

I can't handle not knowing what is the status of our relationship. Are we still gf and bf and working on our relationship? Instead are we friends working towards to becoming a couple again? I need stability, I need to have a foundation of some sort to give me a sense of security. I am scared that he'll get comfortable of being on this "break status" and he won't want nothing more for our relationship. When I want a relationship but he rather just be friends. I need to know what we're working towards.

He told me to take things slow and lets work towards to us being together again. I say that sounds great but we can't keep having sex like we're in a relationship, we can't act like we're together when the next moment he talks to me like we're friends. I can't handle the ups and downs of not knowing what is going on in our relationship.

So I told him that I'm giving him 2 weeks to figure out what he wants out of this relationship. If we're friends then we will stay as friends but no more physical and emotional intimacy. I need to have boundaries to protect my heart.

Am I wrong to ask of this?

[Leed]

No, you're not wrong. He can't have the "perks" without the commitment.

You're right in needing to know what this "relationship" is all about. Is he planning on being monogamous? Or is he going to keep seeing other people? Does he really want a relationship? Is he ready to commit? Does he see a future with you? Does he love you? What does HE want in a relationship? What does HE expect of YOU? Would he get upset if YOU saw other people?

You need answers to these and I'm sure more questions. He can't keep leaving you hanging. If he's not ready to commit, you need to know now so you can move on to someone who is. If he's going to keep seeing others, you need to know now, so you're not hurt when you find out he's cheating. He might as well tell you upfront that he's GOING to see others, instead of doing it behind your back.

So have a serious talk with him before you have any more "intimate interludes" with him. Like I said, he can't have the perks without a commitment. Best of luck and God bless. And please keep us posted, okay? Take care! Hugs, Lee

I don't think you're wrong to ask him to figure out stuff, but I do think he may feel like its an ultimatum and people rarely respond to those well. I do also very much understand all the confusion you're going though, esp when on top of him cheating.

Have you ever thought of going back to the dating stage? Like when you first dated? Instead of it being so heavy, perhaps meet up for some old fashioned dating, see how you both get on, and how you feel. Perhaps for you, to leave out the sex until you feel more certain and secure, as I can imagine the being intimate is hard when getting mixed signals.

However, I also can imagine it hard for your ex to feel like everything is being tested. I do think he has a lot to answer for, over the cheating, but if you are really honest with yourself and really really want to be with him, then you're going to have to be strong (possibly stronger than him) and meet him in the middle. No matter how unfair it may feel to you because you were the innocent in this, he needs some space and encouragement to be able to make it things work with you.

Best of luck over the next couple of weeks. It's really tough stuff and I am rooting for you.

[Bipolar mom]

You are not wrong to ask of this! I actually think you are giving him a lot of leeway with 2 weeks. He should know if he wants to make the relationship work. I do not believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater" but I do believe that if he wanted the relationship he would make an effort to be there for you and work harder at it.

I agree with Leeds, you have to have a serious talk, if he's not willing to do that for you, he's not worth it. I know it's hard but You deserve to have someone who is 100% in the relationship and will do anything for you..

Good luck