[Kaybemaybe]

Hey all! I am new to the site and am looking for advice on how to approach a situation. My fiance and I have an 8 month old son. Him and my older sister got into a HUGE fight around May, and are no longer speaking to each other...in fact they pretty much cant stand each other because there was some nasty things said. At the time, him and myself were living with my parents (we are trying to save up money for our own place). Well...my sister told my parents that if he continued to live here...she would not let her daughter (my 13 year old niece) come over anymore (she spends a lot of time with them). Needless to say, they were forced to ask him to leave. He is now staying with his mother, as I am still with my parents because we still can not afford a place on our own. He comes over on the weekends and spends time with us, but is becoming increasingly bitter of the situation. I can't say a blame him...however I am at a loss on what to do. Now the holidays are rolling around, and my sister has told my parents that if he is invited over, then she was not going to come over. My family is very close, and my parents felt they could not have that...so they have told me that I have to work something else out. I have decided that our son and I will be spending Thanksgiving with him and his mother...and that I would go over to his place on Christmas Eve so we could do our own Christmas there. He is not happy about the Christmas situation. He feels that he is missing his son's first Christmas because my sister will not put her feelings for him aside. Once again, I can't say I blame him...but I don't know what else to do. I have created the best compromise I could think of, and the only other thing he says is "make her get over it". Everytime I try to talk to either one of them about the situation, they both say I am picking sides...when actually, I am just trying to have them get along. The holidays are supposed to be for the kids, and not this petty arguing. Any advice you all could give on the situation would be much appreciated!

[Leed]

Shouldn't the decision be with your MOTHER? Why isn't SHE making the decisions? Why is your SISTER making the decisions in the house. It isn't her house is it? I thought you said it was your MOTHERS' house! It seems to me that your sister is being a bully, and your Mother isn't making the decisions that she SHOULD be making!!! Why isn't she?

Is there any way you can get your fiance' to apologize to sister? Even if he thinks he was "right" it would help get things back to some semblance of order, and perhaps make the holidays a bit brighter. See if he'll man-up and apologize.

If he won't -- Then tell Mom or Dad to take hold of the situation -- why is sister making all the decisions in the house? Isn't it your parents home? Why is sister making al the decisions? She's a big bully -- and she's making everyone miserable. Have your folks straighten sister out!!!

I wish you the very best my friend. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Just a girl..]

First of all, Welcome to PC! I hope you find that this site is very helpful and the people here are very kind.

I am so sorry to hear that you're fiance and sister are not getting along. and I agree with what Lee is saying about it being your parents house, not your sisters. They should be the one to make the rules, but I also understand that they want to be able to see their niece. But it definetly isn't fair that your fiance is missing his sons first Christmas. I think you need to talk to your sister and explain to her why this is so important to him, and even if she can't forgive him, at least be okay with letting him be present at the holidays. After all, family is very important. & do the same thing with your fiance, get him to realize that your sister is important to the family too, and that this all needs to be worked out, or just put aside for now, and enjoy the holidays together as a family. , Like you said, the holidays are for the kids, and even if they can't forgive eachother, they can at least pull it together and act like mature adults.

[Trippin2.0]

You and your son need to spend Christmas WITH HIS DAD. Your fiance' and you are your son's family, the rest, is extended family. If your mom is ok with being bullied into seeing her grandaughter, that is her choice, but it comes at a price of missing out on her grandson... If this were the case, and you were to follow thru, I bet your mom would sing a whole other tune. She is all about keeping the family together, I doubt she would dance to your sister's beat once you start keeping YOUR family together...

[Kaybemaybe]

Thank you all for the support! I will talk to them both and see if something can be worked out. I will keep my hopes up. The sad thing is that my sister has a masters in social work…she should know better than to act like this!