[hamster-bamster]

When you are in an open relationship with both parties having additional partners, what frequency of rendezvous would be appropriate to keep it lighthearted and exciting for both while protecting my private space and time to have other relationships? Once-twice per week perhaps, no more? I definitely do not want to overinvest in this - I just want to have fun and company.

[Leed]

Since I assume you're not living together, what's the difference between this "open relationship" and just dating? If you're only going to see her once or twice a week or maybe a little more, isn't that just dating? I see no difference, personally. I don't see any "open relationship."

Just figure you're dating.

[hamster-bamster]

OK. It is a friend whom I have known for over 10 years, so it is hard for me to use the term "dating". To me, "dating" applies to people you have recently met. Wrong?

But for dating, you are saying that 1-2 times a week is appropriate?

[unaluna]

I would say, wait for him to call you. once or twice a week is actually quite a lot, it's being in a r/s, isn't it? it's having expectations. personally I wouldn't have any expectations of this r/s. go on with your life. btw, my phone won't let me see your pix, I may try monday or tuesday at the library, can't wait to see them regardless!

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by hankster

I would say, wait for him to call you. once or twice a week is actually quite a lot, it's being in a r/s, isn't it? it's having expectations. personally I wouldn't have any expectations of this r/s. go on with your life. btw, my phone won't let me see your pix, I may try monday or tuesday at the library, can't wait to see them regardless!

Well thank you very much! I will go on with my life. I saw him briefly yesterday (just briefly, with some kissing and no sex) and will see him today because I need to return something to him and he needs to find and return my biking gloves. In general I will wait until he calls or emails.

[hamster-bamster]

He stayed the night. Afterwards, thanked me for being so hospitable. Very civil.

[hamster-bamster]

He emailed me inviting to come over tonight. I had plans to do laundry. It is starting to look like a r/s, as Hanskter said.

I will think about it for a bit.

[hamster-bamster]

I said that I need to do laundry tonight but can go tomorrow or thursday. I also invited him to my b-day in 10 days and he is asking me what I want for a present and I have no idea how to respond.

[hamster-bamster]

So in the past week it has been three times. This looks like a r/s, right, Hankster?

But then he will go away for a month and I will get busy with my dating profiles. Site suggestions, anyone?

[unaluna]

you would have to ask him if it's a r/s. to me it sounds like friends with benefits. not to rain on your parade, but I am concerned about paper trail. how do these activities jibe with getting custody of your daughters? There is what's right, and there is what your ex will do. I just hope you will be careful.

[hamster-bamster]

The paper trail is innocuous. And I am seeing him tomorrow, to go to a Morroccan restaurant I suggested. And I need to decide on the present. I am out of ideas. I went to Liberator, the site from which I bought sex furniture in the past, in the hopes of seeing something affordable, but they removed all low-end products and start at $400+ now which is not good. So I am out of ideas.

[hamster-bamster]

Hankster, so he pays for everything - food, movie tickets, so I do not know how that goes with Friends with Benefits. But that does not bother me - I do not have money and he does have a bit of money and I am OK with his paying, no problem. The problem is that I need to tell him that I will be doing online dating and for some completely irrational reason I find it hard to come up with an opening sentence. A long explanation is on the Bipolar forum, called "A delicate request", if you can please scan it and problem-solve with me.