In a rush to get married/have children?

Hi,

I am a 23 year old female and have been with my boyfriend since I was 17. While we do eventually plan on getting married and having children, he wants to save up and buy a house first which I agree on.

For some reason, I have recently been getting this feeling that I want to get married ASAP. I think this feeling rises from jealousy that I have been having toward his brother & his brothers fiance who are getting married soon. They are in their late 20's/early 30's so they are older than we are, however all the talk of planning a wedding and starting a family after the wedding makes me so jealous and depressed.

When I try to step back and think rationally about it, I know there is no hurry to get married and have a family since I am only 23, however I still get the feeling like I want to get married and have kids!

How can I push these feelings aside?!?! They wont go away!

Thank you for taking the time to help me.

I think the only real way is to find out the reasons behind them, and possibly look at the pros- and cons- of getting married now vs. later. Find a reason that is strong enough for you to want to wait.

I know what it can be like - all of my friends that I went to school with seem to be engaged and about to get married so i know the jealousy, but I also know that my partner and I are not in a position - emotionally or financially to do that right now - and it allows me to move on from the jealousy knowing that everyone is in a different situation and when I finally do get married I will be in a position to feel secure in my own home and without the financial stress a wedding can bring.

Oh gosh, please don't talk your fiance' into rushing into anything. You'll really regret it.

You'd be very smart to first buy a house. Also it would be great to stay child-less for awhile so you can enjoy each other and perhaps do some traveling, or just go out with friends on weekends, etc. Once you have children, all that comes to a complete HALT. Finances become strapped, time is at a premium, and everyone is dead tired. Not only that, but wait until you're emotionally ready for children -- a little maturity goes a long way!! Twenty three is a bit young for children -- I had my first at 21 and I should have waited!!! I had no business having a child at that young of an age. Yes, we did own a house, but that didn't mean we were mature!!

So give yourself some time to really get to know each others quirks, have some fun, travel and THEN think about kids. You won't regret it. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Ogod, same here. same age. It's a quarter-life crisis!!!

He wants a house, he wants a fat diamond ring on me, a nice wedding dress, a honeymoon in the tropics in our own island! [lol]. good prenatal care/ healthcare, stable career to send our kids off for good education etc... he wants to look back and say that we did things the right way...

But is he thinking ahead? Or is he stalling?

Marriage is a passage, it says I belong, it says there's commitment, and how can we know things are going to be stable in this kind of economy!!!...People are getting married left and right, I mean the world is going to end soon isn't it?!

...but marrying now with no good job/career/house/money makes us look... desperate, just for the title of "Married". that's the kind of thought I keep going back and forth on.

I'm in your shoes, stranger...

I agree with you on that. Sure the thought of getting married is great, especially since I keep seeing how "exciting" it is for my boyfriends' brother and his fiance who always talk about their plans for their wedding and her flaunting off her ring etc.....

These few responses to my question have made me realize that in reality I am in no rush to get married at this point in my life. I'd rather finish school, have my career, have a house, and then get married.

You are young, no need to rush! I rushed into it and had my son at 24 and got married the same year, I don't regret it.. But I wish I waited until I was more financially stable and on my own... My husband and I are still living with my parents!