Being forced to choose.

Hi all,

My problem is my family and my boyfriend of 3 years.
mainly it's my mother who doesn't approve of my relationship. She says my boyfriend is to needy and depends to much on me that I need a man who can take care of me and alot of other random things she feels I deserve. I love my boyfriend, we have had alot of ups and downs, but at the end of the day he still makes me happy.
We used to fight alot of verbal and emotional disagreements a few physical, but things are getting better now since we got more involved in church his mood swings are getting under control and he doesn't get physical anymore. Thats the biggest problem I have with him.he has consistent mood swings and they are very obvious when they occur. Anybody that comes across him can usually tell. My mom feels that it's to much for me to have to deal with, but I don't agree. I love him and even though hes put me through alot, it didn't stop how I feel and I'm not sure if that means somethings wrong with me. My mom tells me I have to have something wrong with me.... Now just this weekend me and him were arguing and I ended up crying and my brother walked in and asked why I was crying I told him it was fine and then he started to insult my boyfriend and it resulted in an.exchange of words. I got my boyfriend to agree to go home so while walking him to my car my brother was outside and my bf called my brother the b word and some other words they ended up getting into it again and I ran in between them and before I could break it up my bf punched my brother. Then my step dad came out and they all argued and I took him home. Now my mom is telling me if I dont leave him alone, I'm basically getting cut off from my family. I hate feeling like I have to choose and idk what to do?

I think the relationship will not last long in a healthy direction no matter how much you feel you love him. The important thing is not that you love him, but you need his love and respectful cooperative support atitude. If he still makes you cry and fight, this relationship in not a meaningful one for both of you. Either you and him have to work hard to stick together no more fighting or decide to part for each of your own good. Good luck

I would look at why you are trying so hard to make things work with your bf. Are you in therapy? How is your r/s with your family otherwise? Was it good or was it lacking?

While I don't think that people in relationships should never argue, I do think that physical violence is where one should draw a line. If it has come to that - and if you have the feeling it will in the future, too - then I'd leave him. Regardless of your family, I just don't think it's healthy to stay in a physically (and verbally, and emotionally) abusive relationship.

He assaulted your brother, and your brother was looking out for you... because of his actions, your family is now involved, and now you gotta listen to them. You still live with your parents.

But.. you know him best. You have been with him for 3 years and if you feel you can live with this guy and be happy, then it's up to you. Yes family can say anything, but it's only you who can make the decision, for yourself, not him not your family.

Either work on this relationship, communicate on what's going on with his mood swings, .you said you can handle it. Because arguments with family and bf/gf, drama happens. I've been thru all that, I got yelled at and got into arguments[not with my family but with his!] so, don't let this kill you, just calm down, consider you still live with your parents so to an extent what they say matters. Is it possible to move out?