I love my husband, but I am not in love with him. I want to get a divorce but he supports me and we have a child together. We rushed into a relationship we didnt get a chance to really get to know each other. after we were married 3 years ago i noticed little things about him that i cant stand. For instance, he flicks his bugers everywhere and doesnt wash his hands, he drops food on the floor and doesnt clean it up, he leave poop on the toilet seat, and worst of all i cant stand to kiss him. his teeth are horrible, he doesnt brush well at all and never flosses, his breath makes me want to puke. I have talked him about this, the first time i approached him about it i was calm and sensitive, he said he will change, but nothing happended. the second time i was more stern, he sid he will change but again nothing happened. I approached him many more time and wasnt so polite and yet nothing has changed. I CANT TAKE IT. I AM STUCK IN THIS RELATIONSHIP. WHAT DO I DO?

[Stranger516]

You yourself want to get a divorce, however he current is supporting you and your child.

You can do one of two things:

1. Get a divorce and learn to support yourself and your child.
2. Stay married to this man in a miserable marriage and mooch off of him.

In my opinion option 1 would be the better of the two, although there are plenty of women who choose the 2nd.

In the end you are the only one who can solve your issue. He doesn't seem like he is going to change, and frankly even if he did I don't think the love is there since you said you are not in love with him. If there is a next time don't rush into a marriage with someone when you really don't know them as a person.

The support factor should not keep you there if there is nothing left to keep the marriage together. If you're sure, then get a divorce, and I don't know the laws of your state but if you're unable to support yourself there is Alimony or what some states call "spousal support" In my state it depends on if the supporting spouse has been the sole source of income for the dependent spouse and also the length of the marriage comes into play in deciding this. One other thing is that if there is any infidelity on the part of the dependent spouse, that will usually nullify the validity of the claim for spousal support. In other words if you had cheated, you'd be exampt from this claim. (depending on the state, I think that matters only in some cases) My point being that you can get support, most likely if you divorce him.

[Gaijin]

"One other thing is that if there is any infidelity on the part of the dependent spouse, that will usually nullify the validity of the claim for spousal support."

I don't think this is still true in most states of the US, which have adopted no-fault divorce laws. It certainly isn't true in my own state.

[Leed]

There is NO POINT in staying in this marriage. He's not going to change, and I believe he would disgust me too. He doesn't have the normal hygiene actions that everyone practice daily. Evidently in his family of origin, he just wasn't taught this, and it wasn't important. Cleanliness wasn't a factor in his home, which IS disgusting!

You can't change him, so if you can't tolerate this, get a divorce. You CAN find a way to support yourself and your child. Others have done it and you can too. Don't go with the attitude that you CAN'T. If you do that, then you won't be able to. Of course you can!

Make sure you file for child support tho, when you file for divorce. In this state it's automatic. I wish you the very best. Take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

Originally Posted by Gaijin

"One other thing is that if there is any infidelity on the part of the dependent spouse, that will usually nullify the validity of the claim for spousal support."

I don't think this is still true in most states of the US, which have adopted no-fault divorce laws. It certainly isn't true in my own state.

yeah well my state it's still true, although for the most part it's "no fault" with alimony claims it still is true. Just can't affect the custody and stuff. Actually correction, let me back track here, in my state, if he/she begins to live with another SO, like a bf or gf, they can't claim spousal support, but now that I think about it it isn't quite as specific on the infidelity itself.

[Anika.]

no one is stuck in any relationship. Might feel like it at times, but it isn't really true... thank goodness. We all have choices and if you don;t want to be in it then you can choose to leave right. There is no point staying in a marriage that you don't want to be in. It's not fair to him either, I am sure he wants a partner who wants him as well no matter his issues.

You can support your self and your child.. Lee is right. And there is child support to help with the cost of raising your child. I have three children and I don't get child support... it's not easy but at least I am happy and most of all safe. If I had let money get in the way I'd really hate to see what my life would look like now.

[Jan1212]

Divorce someone because he doesn't floss? You guys really gotta look at what love really is and not be so quick to decide on divorce... go thru the trouble of government child support because he flicks his boogers? There's a child in this relationship, think about him first instead of yourself, whatever you decide - take responsibility. really

Originally Posted by Jan1212

Divorce someone because he doesn't floss? You guys really gotta look at what love really is and not be so quick to decide on divorce... go thru the trouble of government child support because he flicks his boogers? There's a child in this relationship, think about him first instead of yourself, whatever you decide - take responsibility. really

I would say that I agree with you but with this caveat: If that's all one sees in the person, it's very likely they're not getting much else from that person. If you're loved by someone fully and feel cared for, it's likely you'll overlook these things and learn to accept a lot of faults of the other person, but if after 3 years it's coming down to those things, I would say there's probably not much else to go on.

[Harley47]

I have to agree with Sandman and LeeD. It's not so much that he doesn't floss...it's that his failure to floss and Michelle aren't compatible. It's not that he's gross, it's that he's failing to do simple, basic measures in order to make his partner happy. While I usually advise people not to change for their partner, something as basic as hygiene? I can advise that.

I realize their's a child in the relationship, and I hate advising a separation of married people...I usually don't, either by not posting or offering alternatives. My best shot would be to tell you to try to enroll either him or the both of you in some form of therapy: couples for the two of you, behavioral for him. Both couldn't hurt. Outside of that...you shouldn't be forced to suffer because he's too lazy to walk an extra five feet to the trash can, to be quite honest.

Please take care, and know I wish you my best.

Hugs,
Harley

[Anika.]

I don't think if someone were actually really truely in love someone they would come to divorce over this. The op said she loves him, but not in love. I think that's a big deal. I don't think it's just a matter of flossing teeth.

I mentioned child support, not the government. You know ..the kind the other parent pays to help with the costs of raising their child.

I had parents who satyed together for the kids, who were not in love.. Was it really the best for my sisters and I? Well we would and have all said no. Every situatuation is different, and staying for the kids is not always a good idea if the parents are going to be together yet miserable.