[cbreeze]

I am beginning to believe I am the "addictive emotional" person in a relationship with an "emotionally unavailable" person... This, of course, is NOT the 1st time for this kind of experience for me... Funny how it takes years for the light to go on.... Anyhow, in many, many respects, I and the person I am involved with are a very good match... compatible in many areas of interest... After dating for 9 months I am beginning to understand why this person at age 50 has never been married, nor in many long term relationships... I on the other hand have been married and was together with my ex for nearly 15 years... Any hoot... my questions are : Has anyone read the book "Emotional Unavailability"? and do you believe it to be a helpful source? and Is there any hope, or is it truly possible, for 2 people coming from opposite ends of the construct to be successful in having a healthy long term relationship... I am 47, he is 50 and I don't believe we want to live in therapy to make this work, but am certain we are committed to working on it... Thanks for any insight offered.

[conklinca]

Never read the book.

I do believe, though, that if you are both "committed to working on it" as you stated, then yes, you can have a healthy relationship. It might take some work, but if you're both keeping the same goals in mind, you may find yourselves each moving away from the unhealthy extremes toward a more healthy medium.

My husband and I had incompatible money issues. Through enough discussions, we've worked out a workable system. I don't hoard all our money, and he doesn't spend it all. I know it's completely different from your situation, but it does show that opposites can work.

[yokus]

I have been married to this man for 29 years. If he were any more emotionally unavailable he would be dead. ha ha Actually we get along great as long as that is understood. But, I think you lose a big piece of yourself along the way. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone but it's my choice.