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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2012
Posts: 18
11 |
Dec 07, 2012 at 09:51 PM
#1
My boyfriend's family agrees that he has mental health problems, but his mom has on more than one occasion blamed me for all of his self injury.
He is undiagnosed (lack of money, but might be diagnosed by possibly going to a psych ward) but relevant the diagnosis he's most likely to be given is major depression. His self injury without question is related to psychiatric things. Instead "he's burnt out", "he's doing it because of you", and such. How do I support someone who's going through a phase of depression that's at self injury when I'm being told that its my fault that he's injuring? (Avoiding his family isn't an option unfortunately, avoiding his family triggers him, as well as not being an option for many other reasons) |
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 IceCreamKid
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,537
12 39 hugs
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Dec 09, 2012 at 02:16 AM
#2
I'm sorry you are going through this and I don't really have an answer but I just wanted to reassure you that you are in no way responsible for his self-injury
 It is ultimately his actions and responsibility.Do you know why they blame you? Are you (and/or your boyfriend) able to talk to his family about it and the real reasons? |
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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2012
Posts: 18
11 |
Dec 09, 2012 at 09:34 AM
#3
He grew up with an abusive father (abused his mother primarily, but also the children) and is absolutely terrified of becoming his father. It's his worst fear.
So, one of the things that's been happening while he's this depressed is that a little thing will trigger him, he'll go incredibly guilty, decide he's ruining my life and that he's not worthy of me, and will start self injuring. Often the SI is to get rid of suicide idealation. His family is in denial of the fact that part of it is in response of his traumatic childhood. It's easier to think about it as him being burned out because of doing too much taking care of his disabled girlfriend and her making him do things when she shouldn't while she knows he's in bad shape. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,260
13 306 hugs
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Dec 09, 2012 at 11:16 AM
#4
Quote:
I would repeat this to her as often as necessary, in a calm, firm voice. I'd like to add, with a caution that I am not a medical professional, that if he is harming himself, I do not believe that is [only] depression. He may have depression but I believe self-harm is a condition akin to drug abuse or alcoholism; in my opinion people who self-harm need treatment [not only for their depression] but also for their choosing to harm themselves physically. With that in mind, you might consider self-help groups for yourself and/or for him. You could drop into an Al-anon meeting and see if that offers you any insights. |
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Account Suspended
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
(SuperPoster!)
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Dec 09, 2012 at 01:00 PM
#5
I am really sorry for you in your situation.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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