[doggiedo]

I have been doing online dating for about 2 weeks now and I'm getting really overwhelmed. I have guys messaging me who I don't want to talk to, but I also don't want to be mean and tell them that there is no way in heck I would date them.

Then, sometimes....like today, I feel like I'd rather just be alone.

I'm also afraid that if I meet people, I'm not going to live up to their expectations. Maybe my pictures don't accurate depict what I really loook like or something. I'm afriad they are going to be disappointed.

I also feel like online dating is a little pathetic. Like I should be able to find someone who is great without resorting to listing myself in an online personal ad. Since, let's face it, that's what online dating really is, isn't it?
I see some of the same people on there from a few months or a year ago and think wow....how lame is that? That I've been online for that long that I'm seeing the same people in my matches each day? Ugh.

How do you know when you need a break? I am tired of being lonely, but yet I want to skip the getting to know you part and get right to the being comfortable having found the right person part.

[greyclouds]

Aww got the t.shirt love!! They know missing the get to know each other part. And I guess my disorder often ruins that any way.
I found that being nice and say to some one hi how are you because they said you was pretty leads to the awkward no way your not my type situation.
Which is unfair.
Also mean but better then the hurtfulness an making yourself feel quilt I would ignore people you don't think you have anything in common with or fancy. There could be lots of reasons why, you didn't see the message. There for you can. Not hurt there feeling and have the guilt on there shoulders.

I've been on a few dates from online dating. And pictures rarely to meet up to what they look like. Also even if they do sometimes there just nothing there.
It's a game of gambling.

Also there is nothin wrong with online dating when you get to certain age and life, it gets harder to meet people.

Just be careful. Not everyone is what they say they are. If you decide you want to meet the person. Never let them pick you up or drop you home. And always tell some one your moves. Where your going, when your leaving

[Leed]

Hi ~ From what I've seen of several different forums I belong to, online dating hasn't really gone well. It seems that while things might have been so wonderful online, if they DO become a couple in real life, they find that their quirks and irritating habits are a little hard to live with -- PLUS the fact that their pictures weren't exactly accurate. Then I've seen the majority of them have to deal with jealousy, which is difficult to cope with.

Just MY observation, but I think it's much "safer" to find someone in real life, even tho it might take a little longer. I certainly think it's worth it to try.

Best of luck. I know you're tired of being lonely -- and I know what loneliness is. Please take care and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I want to skip the getting to know you part and get right to the being comfortable having found the right person part.

You cannot - it is like wanting to skip the part of chopping the vegetables and expecting to just enjoy the cooked meal. Does not work this way. Online dating is worse than cooking because in cooking at least you know that by chopping and sauteing the right vegetables for the right amount of time you will get the right meal, but online dating is probabilistic and nothing is guaranteed.

I have spent the same amount of time online dating as you have. I have seen nice guys but so far nobody I would seriously want to date. So I would keep looking. Say, today - a guy wrote a book about Perl, a programming language. And, that describes him. He is so nerdy, so geeky, so incredibly geeky, that his other wonderful qualities (he is my age, has a good salary and I know his place of employment well, he is even studying my native language, he is into open relationships so he would not be jealous of a couple other partners I have, he is obviously well educated, etc. etc.) are not good enough. Do not outweigh the nerdiness. He was very very interested in continuing to see each other, but I am not sure because there is only that much nerdiness that I can tolerate and that is it. Sorry. So will have to look further. I, too, am already tired after two weeks. In terms of pictures - of three people who looked me up, all three wanted a second date, so the pictures must be true enough.

[moodiegirl]

I first "met" my husband online and he is a great guy, so online dating is not that bad That said, I think you have to be way more careful with online dating than with dating in RL. I think it's best to be upfront and frank with the guys you don't want to date, because otherwise you can get into trouble - meeting them in RL is not a good idea.

I also think it's best to have a few chats / share a few e-mails before you meet with a person in real life - BUT not for too long. If you prolong the internet activity, you get an idea of what the person behind the other computer is like - and very often that idea is wrong. So best to meet soon. At least in my experience. But be careful anyway and trust your instincts.

I don't think online dating is pathetic, it's not easy to meet a person in RL in these busy times, especially if you don't like going to clubs where everyone is all over each other. Just my opinion.

[doggiedo]

Yea, I know I can't skip that part - the getting to know you part. I also know what you mean about not waiting too long - as you can get this picture in your head of what the person is like, etc.

I am pretty careful - I meet people in a public place and for a short amount of time (for coffee, or tonight, I'm going out for ice cream with a guy). I always leave and make sure he leaves the parking lot first, etc. I know it's a little paranoid, but still! Can never be too careful.

I think I'm just going to see where it takes me. I did sign up and pay for 6 months (as it was a lot cheaper than one month actually) and I get the free 6 months if I don't find anyone who is a good fit. Couldn't hurt, right?

Thanks for your opinions and suggestions guys. More after my date tonight!

[bridgie]

i've been online date site for about a month now. found two ppl whom i went on a date with. Neither one fit the bill but there are more men out there. do be safe. i know i dont follow all the safety rules but dont forget about them.
There isnt anything wrong with online dating. You can find someone close to you or far away depending on what you want.
i think imo that all ppl on sites wonder whether their pics show who they are and what you have typed about yourself shows through. It still takes time to know someone. No need to rush.
good luck in finding someone that fits well with you.

[doggiedo]

I just got matched up with the guy I just broke up with- we were only dating for 2-3 mos but he didn't have time for the relationship I wanted! E was too busy with his meetings, recovery, work and training for a marathon. So now I see he viewed my profile- crock of poo! I feel like he should have just told me if he didn't want to date me- not make up excuses. I feel like a loser who noone wants

I don't think you are a loser, far from it. I don't think you can read too much about your ex - you wanted more from him, didn't you? I thought he liked you, but you wanted a lot more than he could give. Him being on a dating site isn't wrong, but he should tell the next girl he meets that he want's something casual, like he should've done with you from the start.
Hugs

[RJ78]

I totally agree with riotgrrl, I have way more respect for people who are upfront about what they're looking for, but the problem is that sometimes we just don't know! In any case, I think online dating is fine, but there is a stigma about it that many people seem comfortable to maintain, even if they've never done it themselves. Go figure.

Just be careful, and keep us posted. How did your last date go?

RJ

[hamster-bamster]

Oh, I keep hearing this question "What are you looking for in a guy?" and I keep replying that I am not shopping for a gadget so I do not have a list of requirements! They send smiles back at me.

[doggiedo]

That's true! I try and stay away from making the "list", as I feel like that makes it harder to find someone to fit the mold, per say. I think I need to stay somewhat flexible. If I think of my list, I think it will pigeon hold me into a "type" of guy. You know what I mean?

As for that date, it seemed like a miscommunication with the guy. H wasn't getting my texts, and I called him. He called me back but it was after the time we said we were going to meet. Anyhow, misunderstanding. I am supposed to meet up with them this week and in the meantime I have been getting to know him over the phone. He seems really nice, but maybe too nice? Isn't that horrible for me to say? Idk. I'll see. I have another date for dinner on Monday.

[hamster-bamster]

I will also have a date with a guy who seems too nice. I know what you mean. I am already, in advance, preparing for being disappointed in myself for not liking him precisely because he is so very nice.

[Suki22]

Doggie, online dating is not pathetic and all of the stigma around it is pretty much gone. no one thinks twice if you tell them you're online dating these days. I have been off and on for oh, four years? I haven't met anyone new in the past year+ I've been single in real life so I just reactivated my OKC profile. I have to give it a try now and then. btw, I've had VERY good luck finding boyfriends online. I've had very bad luck finding a husband online. :P