[Booshka26]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 4 and 1/2 years. we have a child together. when he was a child he was sexually assulted, he says he doesnt care but he brings it up whenever we get into arguements, along with bringging up the fact that he doesnt have a dad, and that his family (mother, brothers, and sisters) abandoned him. his out burst werent so bad before. a couple months back he found out in the past i talked to a guy over the internet, i sent him a couple pics of myself ( my face, clothed full body pic, and a butt pic), this happened maybe a year into our relationship. And then a stupid old high school friend got my number off facebook and he txted like 2 times, i did the same as well. just a text asking me how i was doing. he started texting me all flirty so i ignored him. the last text he sent asked if we were going to have sex.

my bf saw this and since then now accuses me of doing all kinds of guys.
He picks fights with me over the stupidest little things like not doing something fast enough.

I explained everything to him and apologized over and over about being so stupid chatting with people online. i rarely go anywhere, besides to school or the store. i rarely get on the computer. i dont have a phone. i have little contact with anyone.

he gets mad, whether it was triggered by my son misbehaving, or me or my son not doing something fast enough or making a little mistake, he always ends up taking it out on me.

Its always about how i messed things up, how i have to fix it, how i need to help him with his job, mind, and everything. He tells me i have to help stop thinking all the things he thinks about me now.

When we get into fights its always about what i need to do, or what i did. Even though a lot of times he brings up his family, his dad,and his job also, he says the whole problem is me.

I feel like he just fights with me cuz im the only one around to blame things on. He begs me to help him, but i dont know what else to do but seek professional help. He accepts getting help with a therapist but he wants me to make the calls when he has to. But then theres not really any free therapy, so he will get mad if he has to pay for it.

He makes it a problem now that i dont have a job, complains that he has to do everything. Even though he knows i've been seeking for a job and going to school, he still argues over it. Telling me that the only real way i can get him to not be mad at me is to buy him things.

He puts me down alot while argueing. He calls me a little girl often. Hes made me leave with my son a couple of times, like 2 nights everytime. Hes put his hands on me, me as well as him. He says he loves me and he wants me but that i hurt him, I broke his heart.

He tells me i need to keep reassuring him that i havent forgot what i did, reassure him that hes the only one i want and have. i tell him i love him, hug him, kiss him, i tell him his all i want, all i need, that i wont ever give up on him.

i tell him that its gonna take time for me to show him that he can trust me again, that he can forgive me, but he says all im doing is making him wait like a dumbass. That he doesnt want to wait that i need to fix it.

What more can i do for him? besides professional help, how can i show him im sorry and that i want only him forever?

[Leed]

Honey, this guy hasn't grown up yet. He wants EVERYTHING, and no one would be able to fulfill all his demands! It's not humanly possible. I don't know how old this guy is, but he sounds like he's about 12.

He definitely needs therapy. It wouldn't hurt if the two of you went into couples counseling. It would help immensely. I'm not sure this relationship is going to work, but you'll find out in therapy.

His demands are unreasonable. And him putting his hands on you is unacceptable. He CANNOT do that -- and if he does that again, grab your child and LEAVE. Since he's done it once, he will probably do it again cause they usually do. Abuse is totally unacceptable and don't put up with it in ANY FORM, whether it's emotional, physical, or mental abuse. Take your child and run.

But if you're sure you want to stay in this relationship, get both of you into therapy. It's probably the only way you two are going to make this work. Best of luck and God bless. Please take care. Hugs, Lee

Leed said it well. I agree completely on this.

It is not fair at all taht he holds your past mistakes over you for things unrelated now. It's a form of control. He is using what you did in the past, clearly not something you are currently continuing, to make you feel guilty and as if you have to pay for it indefinitely. That is wrong and I know it's complete manipulation. Blaming you for his faults is horrible in the first place but making it sound as though you damaged him or the relationship beyond repair is ridiculous. If it was so damaging, and he can't let it go, why is he sticking around with you? Because it's not and he knows it, and he's using it to get out of the blame himself for his part in the relationship, his abuse of you, his anger, depression and whatever else.

He refuses to get help and finds excuses not to - what? because it costs money? That is the lamest excuse! he doesn't want to follow through and as long as you let him hold things over your head, he won't. If you want to fix this relationship, you do need therapy together and most likely as individuals, for you -- to learn to stand up and quit apologizing for something long gone.

I feel for you. I've had someone in my life like this and it hurts *hugs*

[Scotty204]

This guy sounds like bad news to me. He only forgives you if you buy him things?? Really...? He sounds controlling and likes to play mind games it sounds like. Ask yourself do you really want someone that puts you down?